


Of Sound Mind

by Lady_of_Rohan



Series: Joseb [6]
Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Art, Balloons, Banter, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Blood, Blood Loss, Blow Jobs, Boys Kissing, Butt Slapping, Cameos, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Conspiracy, Coping, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dating, Detectives, Digital Art, Diners, Emotional, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear, First Dates, First Kiss, First Time, Food, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Frottage, Gay Sex, Getting Together, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Healing, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Illustrated, Kissing, Loss, M/M, Male Friendship, Memories, Missing Persons, Misunderstandings, Moving On, NSFW Art, Nightmares, Nosebleed, Panic Attacks, Partnership, Post-Game(s), Rain, Relationship(s), Sex, Sharing Clothes, Shower Sex, Slow Build, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-25 12:23:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 58,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3810274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_of_Rohan/pseuds/Lady_of_Rohan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where fear has new meaning, Sebastian strives to look after Joseph following their hellish journey through STEM. What he never expected was to fall for him along the way. </p><p>Story artwork included in text. Drawn by Juonart, Fuge the Oni, Sheno, Meiri, Khanartist, Soraxiin, and Debbie Colon! ♥</p><p>Rating changed to "M." 11/22/15.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unwell

**Author's Note:**

> Gosh. Where to even begin speaking about this...  
> Ever since I played TEW, I had an idea in mind for writing a post-game fic for these two lovable detectives, because I definitely have a headcanon for how their relationship develops. I started working on it before The Assignment came out, and I had a few chapters done by then. I intended to start uploading between The Assignment and The Consequence, but then the release date was so near, I decided to wait on it a bit longer. I'm glad that I did, because Joseph was at least confirmed alive, and we know a lot more, now. A few things (naturally, as I suspected) will now require edits in later chapters, but that's okay. This is just something fun that I wanted to work on. A lot of friends and fans have contacted me about writing more Joseb, so I really hope you enjoy ♥

**Chapter 1: Unwell**

The automatic doors to Krimson General Hospital slid open, a gust of air causing the detective's hair to tousle. Sebastian tugged the bundle of balloons low behind him as they drifted in the wind, gripping them tightly so that they wouldn't be whisked away.  
  
The fluorescent lighting of the hallway was more than a little unnerving as Sebastian entered the facility. Visitors ambled about, and the atmosphere was rather warm and comforting in this particular ward, but still, his mind flashed briefly to another set of halls... dark, grime-encrusted and spattered in blood. He could feel the stickiness of fluid beneath his shoes, could smell the repugnant, metallic scent of it, but he quickly willed the scene away and took a couple of long strides towards the receptionist's desk.  
  
The woman there was wearing a rather colorful ensemble, her scrubs patterned with a cat design. Her demeanor was perhaps overly-pleasant as she regarded him over her computer screen.  
  
"May I help you, sir?"  
  
He adjusted his grip on the plastic bag in his opposite hand as he spoke. "I'm here to see Joseph Oda."  
  
She glanced to Sebastian's face, and then upwards at the cluster of balloons that he was holding.  
  
"You're his partner, aren't you?" When Sebastian quirked an eyebrow at her, she elaborated. "I saw you on the news."  
  
"Yeah," he said dismissively, no longer making eye contact. He stared off to the side, where sun rays spilled through the windows that lined the spacious waiting area.  
  
"It's good to have you back, Detective. You were both very lucky."  
  
When Sebastian shifted his weight, he forced a smile. He never understood empty sentiments. Comfort in times of need, certainly... but this woman didn't know him, had never seen him in his life, and hadn't the faintest idea what sort of hell he'd been through. Sebastian wasn't sure that what he felt in the aftermath could be described as "lucky."  
  
 "Anyway, he's in room 407," the woman continued, resuming her work on the computer. "He's been popular this afternoon."  
  
At that, Sebastian's smile twitched briefly into a sincere one.  
  
"I'm sure of it. Thanks."  
  
Carrying on his way, the sights and sounds of the hospital were all too familiar, like a distant daydream of another lifetime ago. There were people visiting loved ones, and the occasional patient being escorted, either ready to head home or taking a much-needed break from the confines of their cramped little room. Some looked solemn, while others were simply contented to have something to be thankful for.  
  
Sebastian was a mesh of both.  
  
Arriving at the elevator, he tapped the "up" arrow as it lit up, and then paused, waiting for it to open and allow him entrance. When it did, a young couple appeared, a woman in a wheelchair holding her newborn child, and her beau navigating her.  
  
 Sebastian instinctively reached a hand out to hold the elevator for them as they repositioned and emerged. They were positively beaming as the man gave his thanks, while Sebastian acknowledged them politely with a nod.  
  
"Congratulations," he mumbled, and slunk into the empty elevator.  
  
It was difficult to combat the wave of nostalgia washing over him as the doors closed, shutting out the family's retreating figures. He refocused for a moment to be certain that the balloons didn't get caught in the doors, and he silently wondered why he'd chosen such a pain-in-the-ass gift.  
  
He hit the glowing button for the fourth level, and Sebastian exhaled a sigh, borne of soul-deep exhaustion. He leaned back against the reflective walls, his backside against the railing. His languid features stared back at him, courtesy of the shining doors as they shut. Dark circles beneath his eyes and a bit more than five o'clock shadow accenting his jawline, he was mostly a mess, but he'd at least managed to make himself look somewhat presentable as he threw on one of his favorite worn button-downs and a pair of work pants.  
  
 There was a bright _ding_ as the elevator ascended smoothly, taking him to the second floor. One of the last times he'd been in one of these hadn't ended well, and he didn't want to think about that, so he allowed the warmer memories to take hold. Gripping him completely...  
  
He watched the numbers blink to life, one by one.  
  
_Floor 2..._  
  
The image was as clear as if it were yesterday. This was the place where Myra was rushed, when she'd taken a bullet all those years ago... where he confessed his love to her, and she ultimately said "yes" as he clumsily slipped a ring onto her finger.  
  
_Floor 3..._  
  
A short handful of fleeting months later, and it was where their beautiful daughter Lily was born, and he cradled her in his once-capable arms for the first time, kissing her forehead and swearing he'd protect her with his life.  
  
_Floor 4..._  
  
Memories of Joseph lingered here, too... when his newly-acquired partner had broken his wrist after taking a fall in a flimsy old building, and he'd clutched him tightly as the doctors set his fractured bones back into place.  
  
A lifetime in a single building, a timeline of occurrences, passing like grains of sand through his fingertips. Enough to hold onto momentarily, but not enough to keep. Krimson General, it seemed, was one of the few places he couldn't quite avoid in his line of work.  
  
That, and the morgue.  
  
As the elevator opened with a whining sigh, Sebastian stepped out, urging the vibrant balloons to cooperate once again as he made his way towards the patient recovery rooms. The potent scent of medicine and antiseptics, the plain walls and sterility, were certainly far from his idea of inviting. Even the plant-life lining the hallways and the soothing artwork upon the walls did nothing but unnerve him. As his shoes tread along the shining, tiled floor... he had a vivid reminder of why he'd refused to check himself in, just a few days prior.  
  
He'd never liked hospital stays, and he was certain he wasn't alone in that opinion. Recent events had only made him more distrustful of those in the medical profession. Aside from that, he knew that there was nothing they could do for him. His own wounds weren't of the external variety, unable to be detected even by the most trained eye. Not broken bones or failing organs... but something far more ominous than that.  
  
Whatever lingering effects he felt, he knew someone who had it far worse... and for him, he needed to hold it together.  
  
When he arrived outside of Joseph's room, he found that it was left open. Pausing in the doorway, he rapped on the door with his knuckles, alerting the other man's attention.  
  
"Hey, how's my partner doing?"  
  
"Sebastian," Joseph greeted him drowsily from his propped-up position in bed. "I didn't expect--oh, no... what have you done?"  
  
Sebastian stepped inside and walked over to the bedside table where he set the weighted balloons down, looking rather pleased with himself, and Joseph brought a palm up to cover his mouth. He could tell that his fellow detective was stifling a chuckle, looking halfway between being flattered and embarrassed.  
  
The foil balloon in the center of the colorful latex ones featured a cartoon image of a lion character dressed as a doctor, and a fox as his patient beneath the "GET WELL SOON" message. Perhaps a bit ridiculous to give to a grown man, but it was one of the only decent ones they had left at the shop. Besides, he had hoped that Joseph would find it entertaining.  
  
"Figured it would liven up the place. Sorry it's not flowers," Sebastian deadpanned.  
  
"Well, maybe next time." Joseph shook his head, apparently noting the sarcasm to his tone.  
  
They both looked around, where Joseph had a veritable garden of potted plants and vases filling up the shelf near his bed, as well as the table in the corner of the room and the windowsill. Half were gifts from the KCPD, well-wishes and "come back soons," many of which were sent by the women around the office who constantly fawned over him. The other half had been sent by his family back home in Canada. They couldn't fly out to see him on such short notice, unfortunately... but Sebastian was glad to know that they showed their undying support, as always. He'd made a call to personally reassure them that he'd look after him to the best of his abilities.

  
  
What else were partners for?  
  
Tearing his eyes away from the floral display to regard Joseph's mild features, he watched the corners of his mouth curve ever so slightly.  
  
"Thanks, Seb."  
  
"Sure."  
  
As he moved in closer, pulling up a chair near the bedside, Joseph looked diminutive and pale in his patient attire. Bloodless, even... as the light pouring in through the window only made his complexion look more fair. There was an IV drip delivering fluids into the crook of his arm, as he'd been severely dehydrated, and a couple of bandages were visible. With the sheets pulled up to his waist, he had an uneasy, haunted look about him.  
  
That was either a poor choice of words, Sebastian thought, or an eerily accurate one. His spine tingled at the thought, and in all honesty, he was glad that his partner was being looked after.  
  
They'd both gotten an indefinite amount of time off, until either of them were fit for service. The Beacon case had been boosted up to the federal level, and he and Joseph were now implicated in the thick of the tangled mess of the mental Hospital's sordid deeds.  
  
Though they were unable to return to work, something in the back of Sebastian's mind kept buzzing with unanswered questions. The Krimson City Police Department was thrown into utter turmoil, a complete state of disarray since the clean-up at the Hospital. Corruption, double-agents, and a slew of missing person's reports that were making their way into the public eye after being silenced for so long... and furthermore, implications of Myra's absence and his baby girl's death.    
  
Sebastian couldn't deny the sting of those old, painful wounds being split wide open again... but it was work that was, for the time being, completely out of his hands.  
  
_Their_ hands.  
  
For now, the focus was on getting better, finding wellness again... and fighting inner demons.  
  
He had to, because the gaunt look about Joseph said it all. He'd suffered far more than him. Nausea, migraines, bodily aches, and insomnia... he was constantly in pain. However, there was no tangible source to it. The doctors said it was psychosomatic. Referred pain. Made up in his head. But Sebastian knew better... because he felt it, too.    
  
Once he was seated, Sebastian pulled the bag of takeout into his lap, thankfully feeling its lingering warmth against the top of his thighs. He began untying the knot in the plastic bag.  
  
"This is for you, too," he said, nodding towards the styrofoam boxes that he produced. "Thought you might be hungry."  
  
Sitting up a bit straighter, Joseph peered over the side of the bed, brown eyes analytical as ever, though their sharp glint, he could tell, was dulled by medication.  
  
"You ordered me sushi?" he asked, after giving a couple of audible sniffs. Oda had the keenest sense of smell he'd ever seen.  
  
"Yeah," Sebastian shrugged. "I mean, if you want it."  
  
Joseph was giving him that look of disapproval that he was more than accustomed to. In the room with him for less than five minutes... that had to be a new record.  
  
"You really didn't have to go out of your way," he chided. "They _do_ make sure I'm fed, you know."  
  
"Well, you don't look like it."  
  
Joseph scoffed at that, huffing as he settled back in bed and folded his pallid hands neatly in his lap. He could deny it all he wanted, but Joseph Oda was a finicky eater. Years spending endless hours together, often in confined spaces, and his appetite was one of the things he knew well. That's why he'd decided to drive twenty minutes out of his way to obtain one of his favorite meals. Joseph always had a palate that was higher-class, and far healthier, than his was. If it were up to Sebastian, he'd just grab a hamburger somewhere and call it a day.  
  
"Come on, be honest," Sebastian urged, an eyebrow raised. "What did you eat today?"  
  
Joseph thought for a moment, giving a shrug. "A bit of soup, some crackers..."  
  
"That's not real food and you know it."  
  
"You're one to talk."  
  
He did have a point. The amount of nights he'd eaten nothing but over-salted peanuts and stale pretzels left out on the bar were countless. When Sebastian handed over the top box of takeout, looking at him hopefully, Joseph's shoulders slumped even more against his pillow. He gave a wave of his hand, wincing as he bent his arm where the catheter was stuck into him.  
  
"Fine, leave it there. I'll do what I can..."  
  
Sebastian obeyed, reaching over to place it on the bedside table, next to the balloons.  
  
"You don't mind if I eat, do you?" Though he asked, he already had an index finger prying open the edges of the remaining box.  
  
"Of course not."  
  
"Good, because I smelled it the whole goddamned trip."  
  
"I'll enjoy your attempt at eating that with chopsticks."  
  
With a smirk, Sebastian triumphantly pulled a plastic fork from the bag, and Joseph's eyes narrowed behind his glasses.  
  
"Cheater."  
  
The succulent scent of teriyaki chicken wafting, Sebastian shamelessly began digging in, an ankle crossed over his knee as he balanced the box in his lap. An uncomfortable silence fell between them, and the only sound was the rhythmic beeping of the monitor beside Joseph's bed that displayed his vitals. It was so noiseless, that Sebastian was painfully aware of the sound of his own eager chewing. He took it a bit slower, and then pausing with a forkful of food in his hand, observed Joseph. His partner seemed to be in a faraway place, staring out the window. It wasn't that the two were strangers to quiet moments shared... but this was different from the Joseph that Sebastian was used to.  
  
Of course, he couldn't blame him in the slightest, but it was unnerving to see his partner, his best friend, appearing so hollow and ill. Joseph was typically the one to speak first, to get his spirits boosted...and he felt a bit out of his element prompting conversation out of thin air. At least, topics that would be appropriate.  
  
In an attempt to break up the awkwardness, Sebastian cleared his throat.  
  
"So... uh, the doctors say anything?"  
  
"Hrm?" Joseph was fiddling with the identification band around his wrist as he tore his gaze from the window. "Oh, they said that I can be discharged tomorrow... but they'd like to keep me here for another night."  
  
"Good!" Sebastian blurted, before he toned down the exuberance, getting back to his food. "That's... that's good. Glad you're feeling better."  
  
That was some of the best news he could hear, though something about Joseph's tone indicated that he wasn't as pleased as he could be about it.  
  
"Yeah. It'll be nice to be home. I was starting to worry that l couldn't attend the funeral."  
  
Sebastian put his fork down, staring into the quickly-cooling food in his lap. His mouthful was swallowed painfully hard. As his stomach flipped uncomfortably, his appetite dissipated... the images coming to mind far from pleasant. He had been hoping that Joseph wouldn't bring up Connelly, but he should have known better. Of _course_ Oda knew. It wasn't as if he'd been the only one to visit him these last couple of days, and it was all over the news. Even in a hospital bed, he was a bloodhound for information, and of _course_ , he'd want to be there...  
  
When Sebastian didn't speak, willing some sort of response to form in the contents of his stir-fry, it was Joseph's turn to pry. He was staring at him intently, those familiar creases taking shape upon his brow.  
  
"You _are_ going, aren't you?" His words were soft, gentle... but Sebastian could _feel_ the judgment there.  
  
"What?" He looked back up, so as not to seem too guilty. If Joseph only knew the things he was thinking... how much he wanted to drop the subject. "Of course, Joseph. I just... wasn't sure if you'd be able to make it. I mean, if you're not feeling up to it—"  
  
"I'll be fine. We should be there. He's... he _was_... our friend."  
  
"Yeah... yeah he was."  
  
_A damned good one._  
  
That sense of disquiet was once again filling the space between them, and Sebastian was downright uncomfortable. This time, he didn't let it linger, instead opting for a different topic.  
  
"You should eat," he suggested.  
  
"Sebastian, I'm really not—"  
  
"Here, don't move, I'll get it for you."  
  
He said it as if Joseph were actually willing to budge from his spot in bed, where he was quite clearly attached to his IV and the clip on his index finger that measured his vitals.  
  
"Seb—"  
  
But Joseph's protests fell on deaf ears. Sebastian had stood from his seat, placing his own meal down in favor of moving towards the bedside table. He promptly opened up the takeout box, and ripped open the paper that the chopsticks were wrapped in with his teeth.  
  
When Joseph stared at him forlornly, Sebastian held the utensils up in a waving motion, leaning over the bed close to Joseph's face.  
  
"Don't make me resort to tried and true tactics."  
  
Though he was a bit out of practice, he'd gotten pretty damned good at feeding Lily with her favorite helicopter game, and had no qualms about helping his weakened partner eat, if need be. Thankfully, it didn't come to that as the smaller man sighed, at last giving in.  
  
"All right, you win. _This_ time."  
  
With a slight smirk of satisfaction, Sebastian carefully placed the box in Joseph's lap, handing over the chopsticks. When he sat back down, he got back to his own meal, but was sure to watch Joseph carefully to be sure that he wasn't just being agreeable to get him to stop pestering him.  
  
Joseph took a few slow and delicate bites of the California Rolls, though he looked a bit like he was forcing it. It wasn't until he got to the second one, something with tuna in it, that he looked something like his old self again. The old self that always perked up whenever Sebastian made the sacrifice of opting for something that Joseph wanted to eat,  much to his own dismay. The shift was subtle, but it was there.  
  
His partner's dark-eyed gaze shifted from the window, to the balloons that were floating listlessly. They were so still, almost lifeless in comparison to the fight they'd provided earlier.  
  
The room grew quiet, the two men falling into one of those companionable silences that somehow spoke volumes as they focused on their food. Sebastian noticed the tv suspended on the wall, and he would have offered to turn it on for him, but he knew that Joseph typically preferred quiet to background noise.  
  
After some time, footfalls were heard from the hallway, shoes against tile, as another voice sounded from the doorway.  
  
"Well, somebody's lively today."  
  
Both of them turned their heads to see one of the nurses walk into Joseph's room, wearing classic blue scrubs. She looked young, probably mid-twenties, and her blonde hair was pulled into a messy bun atop her head. Tucked beneath her arm was a clipboard as she approached.  
  
"Good afternoon, Mister Oda," she said with a sympathetic sort of look as she came to stand beside the bed. The woman glanced between the two of them, lingering a moment longer on Sebastian. "Sorry to interrupt. I didn't realize you had a visitor."  
  
"That's not a problem," Joseph said. As usual, he was polite and tactful despite the fact that she was interrupting their visit. Setting his utensils down, he gestured towards Sebastian as if they were working on a case together and he was providing a proper introduction. The prideful tone that he took was flattering, to say the least. "This is my partner, Detective Castellanos."  
  
"Oh, so this is him?" She happily walked over to extend a hand. "I've heard a lot about you."  
  
Sebastian raised an eyebrow, glancing between the nurse and Joseph as he took her open palm and gave it a firm shake. That either meant that she was paying close attention to the news, or Joseph had loose lips. Knowing Joseph, the former was far more likely than the latter.  
  
"You have, huh?"  
  
"I wouldn't worry," she said, a playful note to her voice as she turned back to the bed. "He's a quiet one unless he's on painkillers. "  
  
"Think that's bad," Sebastian scoffed, "you should see him drunk."  
  
Joseph accepted the jest with a good-natured smile directed at the woman, but he cast a quick glare towards Sebastian for his commentary. The nurse laughed at their exchange.  
  
"I'll just need to take your vitals, and then I'll be out of your way."  
  
 Though he briefly wondered if he should allow them some privacy, neither Joseph nor the hospital attendant looked fazed by his presence. Sebastian remained seated with his empty takeout container in his lap, though he tried to look elsewhere rather than stare directly at them.  
  
Joseph looked a bit uncomfortable as she administered a brief check-up, and then recorded some information on her clipboard as she regarded the statistics displayed on the monitor near Joseph's bed. She readjusted his IV line, and fiddled with a few items at his bedside before she was finished.  
  
"Everything looks good," the nurse said at last. "Are you in any pain?"  
  
"Not currently."  
  
"No nausea, headaches?"  
  
"No."  
  
"And... your other symptoms?" Her words were uttered a bit more softly, as her pen hovered thoughtfully over her clipboard as she awaited a response. There was a beat, then, as Joseph's gaze shifted briefly to Sebastian, before he refocused back on her.  
  
"Fine, for now."  
  
"Good. I'll be back in a couple of hours with your medication." She nodded towards Sebastian before she turned to take her leave. "It was very nice to meet you, Detective."  
  
Sebastian watched her retreating form, but lingering in the doorway, the young woman paused again to offer a genuine smile.  
  
"You two are very fortunate to have each other. I wish you all the best."  
  
The words seemed to resonate in that confined space as she exited, neither of the men speaking for a few moments after she left. With a guttural noise issued, Sebastian stood from his seat, taking his empty food container with him.  
  
"You done with that?" he asked, gesturing towards Joseph's half-eaten food, which didn't look as if it was going to be touched again any time soon.  
  
"Yeah, thanks."  
  
Sebastian quickly disposed of the items in the trash receptacle in the far corner of the room, before he came to hover near Joseph's bedside.  
  
"She seems nice," he said, absentmindedly gripping the handles at the edge of the bed, as he leaned his weight against it. "You get her number yet?"  
  
Joseph looked positively indignant, his mouth agape as he stared for a moment.  
  
"Sebastian, she's my _nurse_. That's hardly professional."  
  
He gave a shrug, and the barest hint of a smirk. "That never stopped me."  
  
It was true. Professional boundaries and fraternization had never been standards that Sebastian was concerned with. If he was the type to abide by the rules, he'd have never been married in the first place.  
  
"Well, in case you hadn't noticed," Joseph continued, voice strained as he shifted back in bed a bit, his covers rumpling. "I'm _not_ you. Besides, she has to be a decade my junior... and I'm sure it doesn't help that she thinks I'm _crazy_."  
  
It was Sebastian's turn for his brow to knit as he observed Joseph closely, noticing that faraway expression had returned to make his pupils dilate.  
  
"Do you think I'm crazy, Seb?" he asked in a sincere whisper, as he searched his partner's features. It took him a couple of moments to respond, not entirely sure what to say that would be particularly reassuring. But he owed him that much... he at least had to try.  
  
"No, Joseph..." Sebastian moved a hand to adjust Joseph's sheets, so that he was covered properly again. He allowed his palm to rest upon his knee. "I think you're hurt. And you need time."  
  
"I hope you're right."  
  
"You know what else I think you need?" he asked, this time a bit more lighthearted.  
  
"If it's your typical answer," Joseph ventured, "that would be: 'to get laid'?"  
  
Sebastian chuckled. "No, some fresh air."  
  
He patted Joseph's blanket-covered leg, giving him a light squeeze before letting go. Then, he excused himself to take a few steps towards the window, where the sprawling scene of downtown Krimson could be viewed from above. From the fourth floor, it was a dizzying height.  
  
 Easily cracking the window open to allow a light breeze to roll in, the atmosphere was instantly transformed. The crisp, spring air filled the room, masking that overpowering smell of antiseptics with a cleaner, and far more natural, scent.  
  
When he returned to Joseph's side, he stood there as Joseph pulled the covers a bit more tightly around him.  
  
"You need anything else before I go?" Sebastian asked, at last. He'd never been the best at making an exit or uttering any sort of farewell. The blunt route would have to do, though if it were up to him, he'd linger around all night and surely overstay his welcome.  
  
Joseph stared at him for a long moment, inhaling deeply as if to center himself. "I think I can manage."  
  
"Get some rest, all right?" A large hand thumped at the edge of the bed. "I'll be back to get you in the morning."  
  
"Yeah." He paused for a moment, before he perked up. "Bright and early?"  
  
At that, Sebastian smiled. It was an old code that the two of them shared... something of an inside joke that had fizzled recently. When they first became partners, he had mocked Joseph's use of the expression the first time he'd said it. But the sarcastic echo soon turned into a sincere confirmation. Rather than saying "goodbye" or "see you tomorrow" it was their way of knowing that whatever happened, and whatever the morning may bring... the two of them would be in it, together, up with the sun.  
  
He hadn't heard it in a long while. Not since before he'd started drinking.Though he felt a pang in his chest, Sebastian reaffirmed it.  
  
"Bright and early."  
  
With a solemn nod, Sebastian turned to leave, but not before providing some further inspiration.  
  
"Hang in there, partner. I'm counting on you."  
  
It got another brief smile out of Joseph, and that was enough for Sebastian as he took one last lingering glance at his pale partner in his hospital bed, surrounded by greenery and sunlight when he looked so lifeless himself.  
  
The balloons upon the bedside table seemed agitated, the vibrant bundle swaying as the gentle breeze caused them to move back and forth restlessly... tethered down firmly and unable to break free of their strings.


	2. Unsafe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As night falls, Sebastian continues to learn that things can always get worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy!

 

  
All was quiet in the hospital ward, the room darkened save for the faint glow emitting from the door leading out to the hallway, which was left ajar.  
  
The silence was shattered by a panicked scream that shot icy pins and needles down Sebastian's spine. Stiff in the somewhat uncomfortable chair at Joseph's bedside, he jolted upright and into a standing position with the fuel of adrenaline and instinct coursing through his veins. Aching muscles entirely forgotten, his keen amber eyes glanced over to Joseph's bed as they adjusted to the lack of light, and he felt his blood run cold.  
  
Joseph had awakened and thrown his covers back, crouched forward and holding his head in his hands as he breathed in a labored fashion. The light pouring in from the cracked open door made his pale features look almost spectral.  
  
"Joseph?" Sebastian hesitated, raising a concerned hand, but unsure of what he should do. He crossed the distance between the chair and the bed, reaching out to place a palm upon his partner's shoulder.  
  
"Hey, Joseph, you're all right—"  
  
But Joseph recoiled, twisting his body away from him like a cornered, frightened animal. A moment later, and he was crying out again, the agonized noises disturbing Sebastian so greatly, that he was frozen in place for a moment. It sounded just like when he'd had those damned headaches.  
  
_Not again. This can't be happening._  
  
Sebastian shook his head, his mouth hanging open. Surely, someone was hearing this in the silent hospital ward, and would arrive to help at any moment...  
  
Knees pulled tightly to his chest as he folded in on himself, Joseph slowly turned his head to look at him. The familiar crease etched upon his brow was all the more apparent without his glasses on.  
  
"He's _here_ , Sebastian," he said quietly, voice wavering and eyes wide. "He's... he's _hurting_ me. I just want it to _stop_."  
  
Before Sebastian could react accordingly, or decipher what that could possibly mean, Joseph had clambered out of bed, his legs clumsily swinging over the opposite side.  
  
"We have to get out of here!"  
  
Though Sebastian attempted to get to him in time, the sick sense of paralysis that he felt prevented him from moving. He stood in place, watching helplessly as Joseph pulled the tether of his IV line too far, and the catheter snapped off in his arm. Blood began flowing backwards out of the tubing, dripping down his forearm and spattering the tiled flooring.  
  
To his further horror, he realized that Joseph was headed straight towards the window. The same one that he had left open earlier, for his partner to get some much-needed fresh air...  
  
His heart felt as if it had dropped into his stomach.  
  
_Fuck._  
  
In a frenzied dash, his limbs willing themselves to work once again despite the initial shock to his system, Sebastian maneuvered around the hospital bed to the other side of it. Just as Joseph arrived at the window, his colorless hands immediately gripping its frame to heft himself upwards and onto the sill, Sebastian's muscled arms encircled tightly around the other man's waist.  
  
"Joseph! _Stop!_ "  
  
Hips against his backside, he gripped him firmly through his thin hospital clothes. There was a brief struggle as Joseph fought against him with a great deal of strength, and he detained him as if he'd detain a suspect... though far more carefully as he attempted to immobilize his arms. Once he had a good hold on him, Sebastian offset their center of balance, bringing them both to the floor.  
  
Sebastian hit the floor hard, absorbing most of the impact, but it was no matter as long as Joseph was unharmed. The smaller man fell into his lap as he writhed and squirmed, but Sebastian merely held onto him, not willing to let him go until he calmed down. Cradling him gently yet firmly in his arms, Sebastian searched his partner's features. He was sheet-white in terror, eyes dilated and unfocused.  
  
"You're okay," he soothed, as he brought a palm to rest against the back of Joseph's head. He could hear the irregular thud of his own heartbeat rushing blood to his ears. "I'm here. This isn't real, I've got you. Okay?"  
  
"Sebastian..." Joseph was shaking badly, his skin clammy as sweat gathered upon his brow. He closed his eyes and wheezed in a shallow breath, fighting against the panic.  
  
Sebastian's gaze was directed from Joseph's pale features, to his bleeding arm, where the remainder of the IV still protruded from a hole in his skin. There was a crimson pool collecting on the floor beside them, staining the side of Joseph's shirt and Sebastian's pants. He clamped his palm over the crook of his elbow as Joseph shivered, attempting to stanch the bloodflow. He'd pull the catheter out himself, but he didn't want to cause him any further harm.  
  
"Hey, stay with me, Joseph." Fingertips smoothing down the dampened hair at the back of Joseph's head, he swallowed a sudden lump that had formed in his throat, wondering how he could have let this happen. He'd stayed with him all night... his worry overpowering the practicality of it all. God, he hated when his hunches were founded. But if he hadn't been there, and he'd made it to the window...  
  
He couldn't think about that.  
  
After some time, Joseph seemed to relax, his breathing leveling out a bit, though he was still shaking lightly. Even Sebastian couldn't deny that there was a sudden coldness to the atmosphere of the tiny room, seemingly caused from much more than the opened window.  
  
Feeling helpless with a rising fear, concerned for his partner's well-being, Sebastian called out. Typically, his pride would prevent such a thing, but he was no medical professional. He couldn't help Joseph on his own.  
  
"Hey! Somebody help!"  
  
His response was found in only echoes, the faint sound of static, and the howling of the wind as it rushed through the room. The door opened a moment later, in a blinding display of light before everything flickered with an electric crackle and went utterly dark.  
  
Though he had hoped somewhere in his heart that help had arrived, the figure emerging from the open door instead caused the thickness of bile to rise into Sebastian's throat at the mere sight, that glowing form all too familiar. He illuminated everything in his path with an eerie radiance.  
  
The hooded man, cloaked and marred by grotesque burns from head to foot, took a few confident strides towards them. Sebastian only held onto Joseph more tightly, his jaw set and teeth gritted.  
  
_Ruvik._

"What the _fuck_ do you want?!" Sebastian spat, hovering protectively over his partner as he sat a bit straighter. "Why are you doing this to us?"

 

 

 

  
  
"Did you really think you could protect him?" he asked, while his spectral form grew nearer in a slow and deliberate manner as he walked with bare feet across the room. "Are you really so disillusioned, so consumed by your own selfish guilt, that you think you wouldn't lose him, too?"  
  
"I swear to god, if you did this to him—"  
  
His words were cut off as Ruvik lingered uncomfortably near to them, watching the scene with morbid interest.  
  
"Oh, he did it all on his own. It's only a matter of time before his fragile madness erodes his will to live. I suggest you take enjoyment in his company... for as long as it lasts."  
  
"What the _hell_ is that supposed to mean?"  
  
"You two are _very_ fortunate to have each other," Ruvik mocked as he echoed the words of Joseph's nurse, his lips curling into a devious smirk that showed the whites of his teeth. "I wish you all the best."  
  
Raising his hand, the door slammed shut again as he dissipated, leaving them immersed in blackness. Sebastian's relief was fleeting. When his eyes adjusted, Sebastian could barely make out Joseph's features, but he could hear him breathing, struggling for air. The room grew brisk as a breeze from the window caused him to shiver again, the wind howling and ghost-like.  
  
Though he was still pressing against his arm, he could feel the warmth of Joseph's blood as it continued to seep through his fingers. For a few moments, Joseph was entirely still, and dread filled his heart as he gave his partner a gentle shake to alert him.  
  
"Joseph, you still with me?"  
  
After several long moments, Joseph spoke.  
  
"Seb, whatever happens... I want it to be known that I'm not crazy."  
  
"You're going to be all right. Just... hey, partner, look at me."  
  
He placed his hand to the side of his face, urging their gazes to meet. The warmth of his palm lingered against his cool and clammy skin as he continued to soothe him, though he was literally watching the life drain from his body while the puddle only grew.  
  
"I'm going to get you out of here. We're going to find help, and—"  
  
"I'm sorry, Seb," Joseph interrupted, as he gave a feeble cough, his words barely a whisper. "So sorry I never told you... but... it's... it's better this way."  
  
He clutched tightly to Sebastian's shirt, and Sebastian clung right back, cradling him against his chest. Joseph's head was against his shoulder as he managed the faintest of smiles, before his body shuddered violently and he heaved in a ragged breath. On the exhale, his grip against him went slack, and he was motionless, gone limp in Sebastian's arms.  
  
"Joseph?" Sebastian choked out his name after a moment, hardly finding his voice as he placed a hand to the other man's chest. He shook his head, disbelieving.  Beneath his wide palm, resting reverently upon the other man's chest, he felt no heartbeat. "Oh my god, Joseph!"  
  
When he looked into Joseph's eyes, there was no light left, their brown depths now a faded brilliance as they misted over, staring directly at him but unseeing.  
  
Sebastian bolted upright, awakened by his own anguished shouting.  
  
"Joseph?!"  
  
Eyes wild, he frantically took in his surroundings. The smell of blood and antiseptic was lingering on his senses.... and his partner was nowhere to be found. He instantly realized that it wasn't a hospital room. Everything was bathed in a soft, warm light by the lantern upon the bedside table, with a much cozier, though no less foreign, feeling. As he sat in bed, body glistening with sweat and his hair matted flat against his forehead, he swiped the unruly strands out of his eyes with his fingertips. Sebastian shook off the sense of disorientation, his chest heaving, as realization hit him when the room around him, at last, spun into a sense of familiarity.  
  
_It was another fucking nightmare._  
  
Not a moment later, and Sebastian's alarm went off with a blaring digital beep, further startling him.  
  
"Fuck!"  
  
Sebastian pivoted his body to grab the nearest pillow and toss it across the room in frustration, assaulting it not only physically but with a slew of growls and obscenities. Something knocked over and shattered in the darkness, but Sebastian couldn't care less. It wasn't the first, or the last, item that he'd break in his apartment.  
  
Hands running through his slick hair, he inhaled an uneasy breath, though his chest still heaved, and then reached over to cease the alarm's incessant chirping.  
  
Sebastian remembered the events of the prior day... leaving the hospital and occupying his time mindlessly for the remainder of the evening in his own apartment. Channel surfing and the constant battle not to reach for his flask because he was too damned scared of being caught off guard.  
  
He'd had a moment of weakness, taking one long, greedy sip from that faithful metal container... but as the whiskey burned down his throat, though every nerve in his body told him that he needed it to keep on fighting, he prevented himself from risking it. At the very least, bringing Joseph home, and not driving under the influence was reason enough to stay sober for the day.  
  
This was his chance, to repay even the smallest portion of all those months Joseph remained firmly by his side, never wavering as his constant crutch. He owed him this.  
  
Though he wanted nothing more than to get a decent night's rest, he realized that it simply wasn't a possibility.  He'd promised his partner that he'd arrive bright and early to pick him up and take him home. Home, where he belonged... not in some cramped little hospital room, surrounded by white walls and people who hardly knew him.  
  
And _especially_ not people who questioned his sanity.  
  
Rubbing at his face, and his dry, bloodshot eyes, Sebastian would have rolled over in bed again if he could, but through the blinds of the window, he could see the first early morning sun rays beginning to slip through the cracks as they projected elongated patterns on the walls. It was another day, with its challenges and successes awaiting him. With little choice in the matter, as he always did, he would have to rise with the sun and face them.  
  
Moving his legs over the edge, so that he was sitting at the side of the bed, the covers bunched around his hips. His amber eyes fell upon the digital clock, which read "7:03am," and then shifted over to the photo frame beside it, where the green light of the glowing numbers reflected on its glass. The smiling faces of Myra and Lily stared back at him, with his own younger visage in between them.  
  
Beside it was an old photo of himself and Joseph at the station, newly appointed partners in the KCPD. Joseph was always resentful that he'd chosen that particular photo to display, as Joseph was sporting an arm sling from a rookie injury he'd sustained. The photo, for the longest time, resided in his living room among other work-related relics, but he'd recently moved it closer to him. He needed the reminder... that there were still things in this world that required his protection.  
  
_For however long it lasted._  
  
Typically, that photograph could at least inspire a sense of nostalgia, but this morning, all he could feel was the stickiness of Joseph's warm blood flowing between his fingertips, could smell that metallic scent of it... and as he willed himself to stand and groggily make his way towards the shower, he intended to wash himself clean.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I trick anyone into thinking it was real, and not a nightmare? Don't worry, "normal" life resumes for the boys in the next chapter... 
> 
> I have a busy week incoming, but I'll have chapter 3 up as soon as I possibly can! As always, thank you for reading and for your support on this fic so far! ♥


	3. Unwelcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Joseph safely discharged from the hospital, Sebastian offers his partner a ride home to his apartment, but nothing is as simple as it seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick thanks to everyone who's been reading so far. Hearing from y'all has meant a lot to me, and I do hope you'll enjoy this chapter :) ♥

  
"I think that's everything."  
  
"Seems like it."  
  
Parked in the hospital's front lot, the backseat of Sebastian's Ford Focus was filled to the brim with floral arrangements, cards, balloons and even a plush bear. To say that Joseph was loved by his peers and family was an understatement if there ever was one. Three nights and he'd practically accumulated half a gift shop's worth of stuff.  
  
Joseph, as was typical, was remarkably apologetic over the situation, as he patiently stood outside of the vehicle while Sebastian unloaded the last few items from his arms. He had a lost aura about him, because Sebastian wasn't letting him do a damned thing. There was a bit of color back in his features, though he did look somewhat ridiculous wearing one of Sebastian's work shirts and a pair of his old pants. Neither fit very well, but he hadn't had time to make the trek to Joseph's apartment to provide some of his own clothes.  
  
Though his suit had been ruined, Joseph still opted for wearing his tie and clip out of habit. It matched the vibrant red of Sebastian's car. Even recently discharged, and his partner was still concerned with being prim and poised, save for his unusually disheveled hair, as he hadn't been able to style it like he usually did. It reminded him of Joseph's younger years, when he'd had a floppy, boyish hairstyle that was side-parted.  
  
"I'm sorry about all this, Seb," Joseph said, looking a bit embarrassed. "I would drive myself, but the doctors—"  
  
"Hey, Joseph," Sebastian cut him off, glancing over the top of the vehicle to raise an eyebrow at him. "Just get in the car, all right?"  
  
With a nod, Joseph obeyed, opening the passenger's side door to slide in. At least his uptight nature was perfectly back to normal. He was acting as if Sebastian had donated his left kidney, when he was simply giving him a ride home.  
  
Once everything was in order, Sebastian got into the driver's seat, pulled the door shut and twisted they key in the ignition. When he didn't initially reach for his seat belt, Joseph threw him a sidelong glance. Sparing himself the lecture that was sure to come, Sebastian sighed and strapped himself in.  
  
As he smoothly pulled out of the parking lot, leaving the towering hospital building behind them, he silently bid it good riddance. He glanced over at Joseph, who was sitting a bit stiffly in his seat.  
  
"That lowers back, you know," said Sebastian. "Don't be afraid to make yourself comfortable."  
  
With a nod, Joseph reached over to pull the lever at the side of the seat as he eased it back a bit, and Sebastian couldn't help but notice that the motion was familiar. He pictured him resting in a bathtub, angled vertically, and tumbling out of it while splashing water everywhere once the lever was pulled. He shook it off, deflecting the disturbing visual with more questions.  
  
"You cold?" he asked. "Need me to put on the heat?"  
  
His palm was already hovering over the temperature control, steering with one hand, when Joseph waved him off.  
  
"I'm all right. It's warmer than I thought."  
  
Out of the lot and onto the main road, surrounded by Krimson's cluttered city streets, Sebastian remembered a restaurant not too far away that he recalled his partner enjoying. It couldn't be helped that obtaining food was one of his go-to tactics. After all, everyone needed to eat... especially if they wanted to keep their strength up. It was still early. Most places would still be serving breakfast, which he knew Joseph had a high chance of eating.  
  
"Want to grab something to eat on the way there? There's that place we went to with—"    
  
He was about to say 'Kidman,' but he trailed off. Likely not the best topic of discussion, and it wasn't something that he particularly wanted to think about at the moment.  
  
"—the boys," he recovered, "or we can stop and get some groceries."  
  
"Seb..." Joseph sighed, apparently not catching the near-slip. "I'm _fine_. You're fussing again."  
  
Sebastian grunted, never quite sure what to offer when obtaining food was refused. What he wanted to say was: " _You just got out of the hospital, can you fucking blame me?_ " but his words came out far less harshly.  
  
"Right. Well... you need anything, you just let me know."  
  
He concentrated on driving, surprised that Joseph trusted him. Not that he really had a choice in the matter, but months of Joseph being his designated driver still lingered freshly in his mind. Even on cases, Joseph had eventually taken over the driver's seat. Whether by his own choice, or the Department's, he would never really know for sure.  
  
They turned the corner, with Krimson's towering skyscrapers rising up on either side of the vehicle, and they stopped at the intersection when the light turned red.  
  
A single hand upon the steering wheel, Sebastian's fingers tapped an impatient rhythm. Out of the corner of his eye, he could tell that Joseph was scrutinizing his appearance. He could only wonder what was ticking in that brain of his.  
  
"You look tired," Joseph observed after a moment, with a turn of his head. "Did you sleep?"  
  
If ever there was a man to unintentionally strike nerves in the kindest way possible, it was Joseph Oda.  
  
_"No, I didn't sleep, because I kept worrying about you bleeding to death."_  
  
That'd go over well.  
  
"Yeah, here and there," he said with a shrug. It was only a half-lie, after all. "You?"  
  
"They gave me a shot," Joseph admitted. "I went down pretty quickly after that."  
  
Forced sleep was better than no sleep. Sebastian had enough time to return the glance, noticing as Joseph absentmindedly rubbed at his arm where the IV had been inserted. As he stared back at that glaring red light before them, all he could see was the offensive hue of blood as it gushed through his fingertips, staining everything with its stickiness while his partner bled in his arms. He was right back in that hospital room, entirely helpless to do anything... and the swell of emotions felt so raw... so _real_...  
  
"Seb?"  
  
It was his partner's concerned voice that willed the nightmarish images away, as Sebastian inhaled a much-needed breath, not realizing that his chest had been constricting.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"The light is green."  
  
As he shook his head, he saw that Joseph was right. Brushing it off, he got them through the intersection, opting for a lighter topic as the car was in motion.  
  
"So, your nurse again?"  
  
"For god's sake, nothing happened," he said sternly, though an amused huff of air escaped him. "A woman putting me to sleep isn't really my idea of romantic. Maybe you should get her number."  
  
"Very funny."  
  
"You know," Joseph said, after a few beats of silence, "you're not usually this talkative. Something on your mind?"  
  
Sebastian thought it over, and a hefty cluster of excuses came to mind, but against all odds, sincerity won.  
  
"No. I'm just... glad you're okay, Joseph."  
  
 As he shrugged his broad shoulders, he really didn't know how to put it much more succinctly than that. It was true, and the relief that he felt to see his partner out of the hospital was deeper than he could possibly express.  
  
"Mostly, anyway," Joseph said, resuming his staring out the window. "It's just... strange. It doesn't seem real any more. It's almost like... I'm in some sort of dream."  
  
At that, Sebastian scoffed. "I know the feeling."  
  
Joseph turned his head again. "You do?"  
  
"Well, yeah, I mean..."  
  
Behind them, a car rudely blared their horn, attempting to pass them as Sebastian trailed off. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Joseph startle. Sebastian slowed down, letting the disgruntled driver do as they intended. Under normal circumstances, he would have rolled down the window and thrust out his middle finger as they switched lanes, but he refrained.  
  
"It guess it's good to know that things haven't changed much in our absence," Joseph said wearily.  
  
"Yeah, people are still fucking shitty drivers."  
  
They drove along, and though the city was the place he'd called home for many years now, the scenery was almost claustrophobic. He knew exactly the feeling that Joseph was attempting to describe, even if he couldn't properly voice it himself. The buildings felt as if they'd close in on him, and his mind swam with visuals of the world tilting as Krimson quaked and trembled... metal twisting, structures crumbling, glass shattering... the screeching whine of steel being bent. Nothing but a devastated wasteland of dust, debris and destruction, the hollow shell of a once-great city. And yet, when he opened his eyes, it was right here before him... the terrifying contrast between reality, and something very close to it that he couldn't quite place his finger on.  
  
 If it hadn't been real, then why did it feel like it?  
  
Thankfully, the remainder of the drive was passed in relative silence. Arriving at Joseph's apartment block, near the center of the city, Sebastian pulled into the parking lot. The high-rise was a familiar sight, by now... the sky-sprawling building with its windows reflecting brilliantly like a beacon in the morning sun. What wasn't familiar, however, was the news vans parked near the entrance.  
  
Sebastian thought it odd that another story would be forming in the same location as Joseph's apartment. That was too much to be coincidence, he knew that for a fact. It didn't take a detective to put that one together.  
  
Joseph, having noticed them too, leaned forward in his seat to better see the gathering crowd as Sebastian slowed down.  
  
"Reporters?" Joseph asked, concern taking shape upon his brow. "How did they—?"  
  
Sebastian gave a grunt, both hands on the steering wheel.  
  
"They probably got word that you were discharged. Didn't the Chief try to prevent this?"  
  
"They weren't allowed at the hospital," he noted, "but I know that they tried. I suppose my home is fair game."  
  
"Wouldn't be surprised if they're camping at my place, too. Just follow my lead."  
  
It had honestly been a hell of a long time since he and Joseph had to deal with nagging reporters. The cases they'd been working on together, for lack of a better word, had been commonplace... certainly nothing that would go national or alert media attention.  
  
Once they were parked near the front of the building, Sebastian coolly got out of the vehicle, looking over the top of it at the chattering crowd while he pocketed his keys. Waiting until Joseph was out, too, he slammed the driver's side door shut with far more force than was necessary. Thankfully, the reporters didn't approach... though it had definitely alerted their attention. They merely waited outside with their cameras and microphones, presumably until they were at the front entrance. Sebastian opened up the back door to his car as if nothing was out of the ordinary, and took the box of Joseph's gifts into his muscular arms. They'd have to make another trip, as the balloons and a few other items remained. When Joseph moved to do the same, entering his vision as he opened the door on the opposite side of the car, Sebastian raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
"I've got it, Joseph."  
  
When Joseph sighed indignantly, Sebastian shook his head.  
  
"Fine, take one of the plants. Just... be careful."  
  
"With myself, or the plants?"  
  
He merely smirked before he shut the door, and Joseph's muffled voice, still leaning into the back seat as he retrieved the item, carried over.  
  
" _Sebastian_."  
  
He might have chuckled at his partner's disapproving tone, as it was the typical way he'd heard his name uttered for the last seven years, but it was a poor time for jests. There was business to attend to.  
  
"All right," Sebastian said, once the doors to the car were again closed, Joseph's head appearing. "You know the drill."  
  
Joseph gave an affirmative nod as he followed him, cradling the plant beneath one arm.    
  
The onslaught was instantaneous as they arrived at the building's front stairwell. The reporters surrounded them on all sides like bloodthirsty, mindless drones... suited figures with disembodied limbs, shoving microphones in their faces as they asked questions all at once. The violent thoughts churning were instinctive, and borne from being surrounded, attacked, and cornered far too many times in recent memory. But all they had to do was make it inside...  
  
Mustering some self-control, Sebastian effortlessly pushed through the crowd, acting as a human blockade as Joseph remained closely behind him. He said nothing, looked no one in the eye... just simply made his way towards the front entrance with Joseph's safety as his top priority while the reporters did what they do best: go for blood.  
  
_Detectives, is it true that you're the only two known survivors?_  
  
_Are you aware of the whereabouts of Detective Juli Kidman?_  
  
_Mister Oda, do you remember anything?_  
  
_What are your thoughts on the Beacon murders? Will justice be served for our city?_  
  
"No comment," Sebastian practically growled. He threw a glance over his shoulder at Joseph, who had paled a couple of shades, but otherwise seemed to be holding up well. When he looked forward again, a new face had entered his periphery, along with a microphone that was brought uncomfortably close.  
  
_Officer Castellanos, does this case have any relation to your missing wife?_  
  
The words resounded loudly in his head, bouncing around before the weight of them sunk in with a hollow sensation in the pit of his stomach. Sebastian halted sharply on his heel, staring coldly at the reporter who had mentioned Myra, his eyes narrowed and ablaze. He had every intent to give him a very physical piece of his mind, but as he moved to raise an arm, his hand balling into a fist with all coherent thought fleeting, he felt Joseph's firm grip clinging to his shirt sleeve. At the tug of his elbow, they exchanged glances. At first, Joseph's features were severe... that look of disapproval that he'd grown accustomed to as lines were etched upon his brow. But as his stare lingered, Joseph's expression softened, his eyebrows drawing up as if he pitied him. He was begging him, without saying a goddamned word, not to do it. At the solemn shake of Joseph's head, Sebastian felt all of his resolve promptly shatter, and a sick sense of guilt swell in his chest.  
  
He inhaled sharply, attempting to calm himself as his grip on the box of items tightened. Though he was seething, he managed to hold it together... as Joseph's hold on his shirt sleeve lessened.  
  
"It's _Detective_. And I suggest you pack up and leave the premises if you don't want to be telling your story from a hospital bed."  
  
A few of the reporters snapped photos, and one of the women in the crowd gasped as if she were observing a leashed lion, as the two men pushed through the front doors. Safely in the refuge of the lobby, Joseph had let him go, but a few of the apartment's occupants stared, their voices hushed whispers. Sebastian once again ignored the curious onlookers, as they made their way into the elevator, thankfully not followed.  
  
Once inside, Joseph extended his index finger to press the button to the fifteenth floor as it lit up, and the elevator was in motion. He leaned against the back wall, his shoulders slumping as he sighed into his plant, its leaves swaying from the breath expelled.  
  
"Well, I'm sure that'll be on the news," he muttered. "So much for keeping a low profile."  
  
As Sebastian stood beside him, his heart was still pounding furiously in his ears, the adrenaline coursing through his veins.  
  
"They won't bother you, if they know what's good for them," he reassured him.  
  
Trapped in claustrophobic silence for another minute until they reached their desired floor, Sebastian was developing a new found detest for elevators. When the elevator dinged again, they stepped out and made the short trip down the hallway to the last room on the left. A twist of a key later, and they were occupying the familiar space of Joseph's apartment.  
  
It had been a few weeks since Sebastian had been here, but Joseph's place seemed untouched by human hands. Pristine, perfect, and ridiculously clean...  it looked like a model-home, and everything his own apartment wasn't.  It was modern and streamlined, with matching furniture, all in black... the kitchen to the left, and the place opening up into the spacious living room. He had to hand it to him, Joseph could easily be an interior decorator if being a Detective ever went south.  
  
"Where should I put these?" Sebastian asked, still easily holding the box of get-well-soon gifts as he stepped onto the spotless tile of Joseph's kitchen.  
  
"Oh, on the table is fine," said Joseph, as he entered and set the plant down right where he'd directed. His arms relaxing, Sebastian placed the box beside it. He couldn't help but glance down into its contents... colorful cards straight out of a Hallmark shop, another tiny plant in the gaudiest polka-dotted pot he'd ever seen, and the cutesy stuffed bear. Needless to say, the items were already out of place. His lips twisting into something resembling a frown, Sebastian really had no idea what Joseph was going to do with all this stuff, as none of it remotely matched his well-kept apartment.  
  
He turned his head just in time to see Joseph swiftly making his way across the room.

"Jesus, I need to feed my fish, they're probably starving."  
  
Joseph walked over to the large, rectangular aquarium that took up residence behind the leather sofa. It provided a calming centerpiece to his living room, and a serene environment for when Joseph took his work home... which was, naturally, a weekly occurrence. Sebastian had crashed at Joseph's apartment on a few occasions, and even he had to admit that the vibrant fish cohabiting among the plants and coral, the soft glow that the light emitted, and the bubbling noise of the water filter was the recipe for a clear mind. He might have been plastered at the time, but the company of Joseph's fish was still very much appreciated as he passed out on the adjacent couch.  
  
There were plush leather couches awaiting them, a glass coffee table, and a shelving unit on the wall where Sebastian's gaze was momentarily directed. On the shelves, surrounding the rarely-used television, were various plants, decorative vases, photo frames, and other knick-knacks, some he was still surprised to see were gifts from him. He'd expected long-ago for those to be tossed aside. But Joseph kept them.  
  
The highlight, though, was Joseph's beloved tank full of tropical fish, the first thing anyone would see upon entering. It even had a perfect viewing point from the kitchen table. Though he'd never quite understand it, Joseph put as much care into them as he did with work, and Sebastian could at least respect that.  
  
Sebastian stood patiently, watching as Joseph brought out a canister of dried fish flakes, as he opened the slot on the top of the aquarium and meticulously tapped them out. As the food floated at the surface, the fish were immediately alerted, bobbing hungrily, yet gracefully, for their meal. Sebastian almost didn't want to bother Joseph, as he looked rather calm while he regarded his pets.

  
  
"You know, I would have fed them for you," Sebastian offered.  
  
"After last time?" Joseph raised a dubious eyebrow.  
  
With a wince, Sebastian recalled the first, and only time he'd ever offered to take care of Joseph's fish while he was out of town. How was he supposed to know that dumping half the can of food into the aquarium could be harmful? It hardly seemed like enough to sustain them as it was. Not in his opinion, at least... so he figured that a bit more couldn't hurt them. Apparently, that had been the direct opposite of the truth. For the next several weeks, all he'd heard was how he nearly killed Joseph's fish, and how he messed up the tenuous environmental balance of the entire tank.  
  
He'd made his point, so Sebastian shrugged it off, moving to give him a brief pat between his shoulders as he rested his palm there.  
  
"Hey, while you relax, I'll go get the rest of your things."  
  
The tank now closed, Joseph hesitated as he replaced the food back where it belonged. "Do you think they left?"  
  
If the reporters were really that persistent, then they were certainly in for a surprise.  
  
"Who knows... but you shouldn't worry. If they bother you again, I'll take care of them."  
  
At that, Joseph huffed out an exasperated sigh as he met his partner's gaze. The light flooding in from the window made his glasses glint, preventing him from looking him straight in the eye.  
  
"I can take care of myself, you know."  
  
Sebastian paused. "I never said you couldn't."  
  
With a hand resting atop the aquarium, as though he was centering himself, Joseph inhaled a long breath before speaking. It was as if the words pained him.  
  
"Listen, Seb... I can see what you're doing. And I appreciate it but... it's really not necessary."  
  
Sebastian actually chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest as he lingered between the two rooms. "What am I doing?"

  
  
"Really? You're serious."  
  
Again, Sebastian shrugged.  
  
"Going out of your way for me? And threatening reporters? You have a bad enough rep with the Department _without_ defending me."  
  
Sebastian bristled. "Hey, don't bring work into this, they needed to be dealt with."  
  
"Maybe next time you should let them have me, and save yourself the trouble."  
  
As he scoffed, he really didn't follow. _"What?"_  
  
"It's not as if I'd know what to say, anyway."  
  
"Joseph..."  
  
"It's true, Seb," Joseph reasoned, "I still have no idea what any of that was. I mean, doesn't any of this feel odd to you?"  
  
As he gestured hopelessly with his hands, Sebastian stepped closer to him. Something passed over his features, then, like a sudden flush of weary defeat. He could almost feel it, the closer he got to him.  
  
"Of course," Sebastian said, a bit more gently, "we've both been through a lot, and—"  
  
"—and not everyone can be so well-adjusted. _Obviously_."  
  
At his empathetic yet no less stern tone, Sebastian was unsure whether he meant himself, or him... but either way, the bottom line was painfully clear.  
  
Joseph turned his head to stare dazedly out the window, which led out to the balcony and took up the entirety of the far wall. It gave Sebastian an eerie sensation, the way his figure was framed by light as he remained standing in the entrance to the living room. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he had no intention of leaving his partner's side.  
  
"It feels like the world should stop turning but... life just carries on like normal," Joseph said hollowly, after a few moments.  
  
If there was a feeling that Sebastian knew well, it was precisely what Joseph had just expressed. Far too many times, he'd expected to go out into the world, to see something fresh, or beautiful, or reborn... but nothing had changed. Even though Sebastian had stubbornly pushed it for years and years, balancing precariously on the edge of his own limits, the world refused to budge.  
  
"Listen, Joseph," Sebastian started, after he'd literally swallowed his initial attempt with a lump in his throat, "if there's anything I can do—"  
  
"You've done plenty, Seb. I think I'd like to be alone, now, if that's all right. I'll get the rest of my things tomorrow."  
  
His feet wanted nothing more than to remain firmly planted in place, to keep watch over Joseph. Though his nightmares felt like premonitions, especially as his eyes lingered on the open space of Joseph's balcony, Sebastian had little choice but to obey. This was Joseph's home, after all, and he was just a guest here. If there was one thing he didn't want to do, it was overstay his welcome, as he already felt as if he were walking on eggshells.  
  
He just hoped to god that Joseph would be safe on his own.  
  
"Yeah, sure." He gave a nod, and raised a demanding finger. "But if anything happens, you call me, all right?"  
  
"Of course," said Joseph, with a forced hint of a smile. "I'll see you tomorrow morning at the service."  
  
Sebastian turned to take his leave, feeling an uncomfortable pang at the mention of things to come, but not before the words escaped him.  
  
"Bright and early?"  
  
In the few beats of dead silence that passed between them, hearing nothing but the bubbling of the fish tank, Sebastian almost thought that Joseph wouldn't respond.  
  
"Yeah, Seb," he said at last, his twitching smile fading. "Bright and early."  
  
For once in his life, Joseph didn't sound like he meant it.  
  
Though he wished to say more, Sebastian let him be, slowly exiting and not bothering to look back. He shut the door behind him, and got into the elevator with his hands buried in the pockets of his jeans. Without something to occupy them with, he felt useless, idle... and he could feel the metal of his wedding band clink against his car keys.  
  
Even before the elevator took him down to ground level, Sebastian was experiencing a sinking feeling. Though he'd tried his absolute best to cater to Joseph's needs, he couldn't help the sense of uselessness that was creeping into his bones. The one time in his entire life that he wanted to pay it forward, give back what had been given to him... and he'd already fucked it up. Was he really that incapable?  
  
His thoughts were a blurred haze as he made his way back through the lobby and out into the parking lot, finding his car and thankfully, no reporters. As he got situated, the key again in the ignition, he didn't bother putting his seatbelt on. Through the window, he couldn't help but spare a glance up at the building, to the fifthteenth floor.  
  
Adjusting the rearview mirror, he had a clear view of the balloons that he'd bought for Joseph, forgotten for the time-being. While they swayed, they taunted him from the backseat, and as Sebastian put his foot upon the pedal, he felt as if he was right back to where he'd started... tied down and going absolutely nowhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the chapter that, due to the timeline of the DLCs, I had to rewrite almost entirely. In the original draft, I was going on the assumption from the Missing Person's posters in TEW, that Sebastian, Joseph, and Juli had all disappeared at different times. Given that information, I also believed that everyone was missing for far longer than a day's time. 
> 
> The lucky survivors of this chapter are Joseph's fish, as they were originally supposed to be found dead due to neglect from them being in STEM for so long, which set a much different tone for the rest of the chapter. Sebastian's trench coat, relating to my fic "Missing" (which is now an AU) was also going to make a return appearance.
> 
> It's all right though, because due to the DLC giving us more information, this fic now has more conflict.
> 
> Chapter art by the amazing Sheno! Please check out their awesome work at miutinichisheno.tumblr.com


	4. Unrest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian attends the funeral of a friend, but rather than finding peace, he's haunted by memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't get this one out as soon as I thought I would, because we've been busy with cosplay and conventions (all that Joseb!). I hope that you enjoy it, and as always, thanks for reading! Your feedback is much appreciated and your support means the world to me! ♥

A low roar of thunder in the distance awakened Sebastian, as a flash of lightning brilliantly illuminated his bedroom for a split second. He blinked in confusion as he stared at the ceiling, not having remembered falling asleep.

That was, if he _was_ asleep.

Squinting against the haze in his vision, Sebastian rolled onto his side and glanced over at the digital clock upon his bedside table, feeling a strange sense of deja vu. He grunted in annoyance as he leaned his arm onto something hard and metallic, and in his drowsy-eyed daze, realized that it was his flask. He had to be awake, as his arm was now throbbing with a dull ache. The memories of the night before began creeping back like shadows, blurred and unclear, but the evidence was enough to inform him of what had happened. He must have eventually been lulled to sleep by the liquor in his system.

The glowing numbers of the clock clearly displayed, he issued a guttural groan that matched the rumbling thunder outside of his apartment's walls, and the curses that slipped past his dry lips followed as closely as lightning. 10:32am. He'd slept through his alarm, and was not only hungover, but over two hours late.

_"God fucking damn it."_

Sebastian sat upright, shifting the sheets back and rubbing at his bloodshot eyes before he cradled his face in his palms. He was too damned tired to take his frustrations out on the nearest piece of decor. He'd grown to learn not to count on things going well, or even half-decently. Life, as it was, was determined to strike him down in every possible way.

There were times where he felt a personal duty to attend a fallen comrade's funeral, but today Sebastian wanted nothing more than to hide away from the world, and disappear for a time. These were demons that he didn't want to face... far more ominous than any gathering storm.

Turning his head to look out the window, he could see the rivulets of rain gliding down the glass like tear-streaks. It made him think of Joseph, and the reflective, full-length windows of his high-rise, and he wondered how he was holding up. Though his feelings of dread couldn't be denied, Sebastian reached over to retrieve his phone, noticing that it was lit up with a message. Sebastian swiped the screen with his fingertip, though his vision was still strained and unfocused as the text showed up.

He held his breath...

 **I'm here at the funeral parlor. Be careful driving.**  
**8:01am  
-Joseph**

 **PS: Bring an umbrella, or a jacket. It's raining cats and dogs out here.**  
**8:03am  
-Joseph**

... and then Sebastian exhaled.

Joseph was _fine_.

It was his partner's words, as well as Joseph's own condition, that inspired him the most to drag himself out of bed, with a skull-splitting headache and body drenched in sweat. Joseph was counting on him, and if he'd valued their friendship less, he would have remained in bed and forsaken the world and its duties. Just drown it all away, as he had for so long...

... but today, of all days, he simply couldn't risk it. In recent months, he and Joseph's relationship already had its fair share of bumps and bruises, and he finally saw a glimpse of healing, however small. He was late for Connelly's funeral as it was... and he figured even a brief appearance was better than nothing. The sooner he went and paid his respects, the sooner he could leave and forget about all of this.

Far groggier then he'd anticipated, Sebastian crossed the room to his closet and flipped on the light switch, his eyes blinking in protest. There wasn't any time to take a shower, not to mention that it'd be pointless anyway, as he'd be soaked again in a short while.

It only took a moment of browsing through his modest wardrobe of necessities before he found his old black suit. He couldn't remember the last time he'd worn the thing, as indicated by the light sprinkle of dust upon its shoulders. He brushed it off with a wave of his palm. It had probably been for a wedding that he'd attended. God, that had been years ago...

As he pulled the pants from the hanger and slipped into them, they fit a bit more loosely than they used to, but it would suffice. His pinstriped red tie and a white shirt completed the somber attire as they were tucked into his pants, secured by the faded leather of his belt. At last, he slid his jacket on, and left it hanging open.

Neglecting the pangs of hunger in his stomach for the time-being, Sebastian crossed over to the bed to retrieve his flask. He turned the corner into the kitchen and rinsed it out in the sink, filling it with water, and then slipped it into his inner jacket pocket. From there, he made a beeline directly for the front door, stepping into his shoes. He chose to ignore the abandoned bundle of balloons on the kitchen counter that he had bought his friend, and removed from his vehicle the day before.

Sebastian instinctively reached for the coat rack on his way out, where his trench coat used to be... and staring at the empty pegs, his fingers curled into a fist, grasping and finding nothing there. With another grunt, Sebastian opened the door and then shut it behind him, venturing out into the pouring rain.

Amber eyes cast above to that dismal sheet of grey, the sky seemed to open up all of its pent-up frustration, taking it out on everything below. His shoes kicked up puddles as he crossed the short pathway to his car out front. Sebastian was grateful for the shelter as he got inside and was soon situated comfortably. The windshield wipers worked furiously as he eased out of his driveway, and headed off down the slick suburban street, the storm never ceasing.

Krimson had a way of looking downright Gothic on such days. Though the inner city was full of life and modernity, the outskirts were far more rural, surrounded by thick forests and harsher, rocky terrain near the lakeside. The path towards Mere View Cemetery was located there, nestled on the edge of the lake. Sebastian had never minded the scenery, as it had reminded him of the place where he grew up. When he was younger, he used to take walks there.

Time passed in a daze as he drove. Buried deep inside of his own thoughts as he turned onto the winding path along the coast, Sebastian wondered if anyone would notice if he just swerved off the road, and into that awaiting body of water. He closed his eyes for a moment, letting the imagery wash over him, nothing but the sound of the rain as it pelted against his car. His grip loosened a bit on the steering wheel, imagining what would happen if he let go entirely. He could feel it... the car crashing against the waves as the initial splash jostled him, and then nothing but a weightless, sinking feeling as that bright red vehicle disappeared... water filling up the compartment, and taking him under.

It would at least save him from any obligation. Easy way out.

When he opened his eyes, Sebastian realized that he was driving too close to the edge of the road, and swerved just in time away from the railing that separated him from the jagged edges of the lakeside. Heart pounding, Sebastian shook his head, a chuckle escaping him as he watched the water crash against the rocks.

Up ahead, the cemetery took shape as a morbid reminder, the silhouettes of tombstones decorating the hallowed ground and enclosed by metal fencing. The main gate was open, and Sebastian pulled up and parked. Slowly getting out of the vehicle, his hand lingered against the opened car door for a few moments. Glancing over it, he saw the gathering to the right side of the graveyard, finding it odd that they were all holding balloons, and then swung the door shut.

As he the approached the solemn crowd, a sea of black among the greenery of the graveyard's trampled grass, he caught sight of Joseph near the back. Though Sebastian wasn't the sort of man to tread anywhere reverently, he walked a bit more lightly than was typical, hands in his pockets, until he was close to his partner.

"Hey," he said, his eyes shifting to look at the other man as they faced the direction of the rest of the crowd. A few heads turned, some with sympathy, and others with disdain, but he paid them no mind. There were quite a few familiar faces. The Chief, as well as at least half of the KCPD. Mostly though, it was Oscar's family.

"Hey," Joseph spoke softly from beneath his umbrella, his all-black attire contrasting with his fair features as he turned his head to regard him. "I was beginning to think you wouldn't make it."

Sebastian half-expected him to tap at a wristwatch or pull out his cell phone, always dutifully keeping time.

Today, at first glance, he certainly didn't look like a man who was recovering after a hospital stay. Joseph wore his full suit and vest, complemented by a black tie and his sleek leather gloves. It was only the slight discoloration and the lines beneath his eyes that betrayed how tired he was. His glasses hid it, for the most part.

"Well," Sebastian said, "I did." He nodded towards the pair of balloons in Joseph's grasp. "What the hell are the balloons for?"

An elderly woman standing just in front of them glanced over her shoulder to fix him with a disapproving glare.

Sebastian shrugged and muttered under his breath. "... what the _heck_ are the balloons for?"

"It's a send-off," Joseph explained. "Oscar's nephew picked them out. They wanted his funeral to reflect how he was in life. The service was really uplifting."

"Sorry I missed it," Sebastian said, his words void of any emotion. "You so special that you get two?"

"No, one of these is yours."

Joseph handed one of the strings over, but Sebastian didn't take it, merely looked up at the navy blue hue. The KCPD's colors, and mostly what Connelly had been seen wearing. He was surprised that Joseph had that much faith in him, to keep one for him the entire time.

Not many people did, least of all, himself.

A few beats of silence fell between them, the sound of rain pattering against Joseph's umbrella, before Sebastian spoke again.

"You've still got a bunch more at my place." An eyebrow rose, casting another sidelong glance.

Features falling, Joseph looked immediately apologetic. "Sebastian... listen, I'm sorry about yesterday. I shouldn't have pushed you away, and—"

"Don't worry about it."

Sebastian cut him off, not only because the pastor was speaking again, but because there wasn't anything else to be said. Beside him, Joseph gave a nod, his brown eyes lingering for a few moments, lips parted, before he turned his attention ahead.

Through the crowd of dark figures and opened umbrellas, Sebastian had a clear view of the casket. Near to the front stood Connelly's sister, with her son, Jonathan, cradled against her as he clung around her waist. He was a good kid, only seven years old, and Connelly was the proudest uncle he'd ever seen. He and Lily had a few play dates, and Sebastian had always hoped that they'd grow up to be friends.

As they lowered the coffin into the cold, wet ground... there were sobs among the front of the crowd, tears falling accompanied by rain. Above the keening, the pastor spoke:

_"We are gathered here today to say farewell to Oscar Connelly, brother, son, uncle, friend.. and upholder of justice and peace for Krimson City."_

Memories flashed in Sebastian's mind, not only of the last funeral he'd attended, but of the last time he'd seen Connelly alive.

Everything had been pitch black, barely able to see a few feet ahead of him without the aid of the lantern he'd scavenged. As he'd approached his friend, hunched and huddled on the ground before another body laying prone, he'd thought that he was injured... until he'd heard the nauseating crunching of bones and the stretching sinew of muscle being torn.

_"... as we all know, he was a shining light among the force, always willing to lend a hand, or provide a kind word or a well-timed joke."_

Lantern raised outwards, Sebastian had procured a pistol, not registering what was happening as a decapitated head dropped to the ground. He remembered glancing from the mutilated body, to Connelly's face, mouth agape. His once-kind features had become putrid and deformed, and smeared with crimson stains... the blood of the man he'd just been devouring.

_"... we will remember him as he was, a courageous and reliable man, who gave his life in the line of duty, and protecting our citizens."_

Sebastian had been too shocked to move from the his spot as he'd called out the other man's name in warning, and too repulsed to tear his sight away from the hideous scene before him. As the monster turned on him, inching closer with an inhuman snarl, he had no choice, looking directly into his blood-red eyes as he raised his gun.

_"... may he rest in peace, and may God have mercy on the souls of whoever harmed him."_

Aiming straight for his head, Sebastian had reacted mechanically, his instincts overriding any other logic. Feet firmly planted in place, and eyes wide in horror, Sebastian's finger was upon the trigger as Connelly's grotesque features closed in and—

Lightning struck violently in the cemetery like a gunshot, alerting Sebastian back to the present as his body visibly started.

"Sebastian?"

Feeling strangled and unable to breathe, Sebastian was vaguely aware of the fact that he was struggling for air, and of Joseph's voice carrying over the noise of the storm. People were staring, their hushed tones indecipherable as if they were immersed in water. At the front of the crowd, he saw Connelly's nephew crying, his mother consoling him as she locked eyes with Sebastian briefly.

He had that feeling again, of being suffocated and closed in on by a horde of nameless faces, his fight response ready, but flight took over.

Sebastian's feet were moving away from the morbid scene before he could register that he was in motion. The scenery blurred around him... gravestones, flowers, love-letters sent... but all he could see was corpses.

When he'd briskly ran as far as he could go, Sebastian came to stand near the massive tree at the center of the graveyard. It was a weeping willow, its long, lazy branches swaying in the wind and almost enclosing him like arms. Shoulder leaning against its trunk, and quite out of breath, Sebastian reached into his jacket to pull out his cigarettes, only to remember that he hadn't brought them. With a breathless curse, he pulled out his flask instead and unscrewed the cap. The liquid on his dry lips helped, tasting like whiskey-flavored water. It reminded him of all the times he'd drank alone since Lily's death. He wondered what it would be like to have Myra here with him, supporting each other as they had before she'd withdrawn herself from the world... before they'd both changed... before she'd left him when he needed her the most.

He felt that he'd be stronger with his wife by his side, and instead he was here, seeking solace and shelter in a fucking tree.

A hand upon his arm startled him again, almost expecting Myra to appear of of thin air, but when he turned his head to glance over his shoulder, it was Joseph's sympathetic features that regarded him, as if nothing else existed in the world. In the middle of a god damned funeral, and still he followed, balloons and umbrella in tow.

"Sebastian... " he said, as if words failed him. When his eyes fell upon the flask, he shook his head in a solemn fashion.

"Relax," Sebastian said, voice hoarse. "It's just water."

Looking only somewhat relieved, Joseph moved in closer, and he could tell that he was hesitating. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Sebastian lied, as Joseph folded up his umbrella, both safe beneath the shelter of the willow. "I just needed some room to breathe."

"You don't have to lie to me, Seb. You were drinking again, weren't you?"

Though he could have easily deflected it, Sebastian knew that his partner couldn't be fooled. Joseph, more than anyone else, had to witness firsthand his love affair with alcohol. Nodding numbly, he didn't care to go into it.

"God, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you alone last night..."

"Hey," Sebastian shrugged, shifting his weight against the tree. "I should say the same."

Silence passed between them for a time, the warbled voice of the pastor just barely audible over the downpour. The leaves of the tree were suddenly still, the wind ceasing, if only momentarily. The last gust send shivers tingling down Sebastian's spine.

"Did you eat yet?" Joseph pried gently, as Sebastian shook his head. "You want to go get something?

Taking another swig of his water, which was ironic considering how soaked he was, Sebastian managed a twitch of an eyebrow. "That's my line, you know."

"I know," Joseph said, with a weary smile. "Is it working?"

"Yeah, I think it is."

Although a simple gesture, Sebastian had a difficult time refusing when he looked at him like that, filled with so much hope among such devastation. He'd never understand his willingness to reach out, even when he knew that he was suffering. Though his eyes met with Joseph's, he found himself peering over the other man's shoulder, where the funeral gathering seemed to be raising their balloons upwards.... before they were sent drifting off into the clouded morning sky.

"Hey, what are they doing?" Sebastian asked, moving away from his shelter beneath the tree to have a closer look.

Joseph came to stand beside him, a gentle palm upon Sebastian's shoulder. "I think it's time to let them go."

This time, as Joseph handed one of the strings over, Sebastian took it. Glancing at each other, and then skywards, they opened their palms to set the balloons free...

Though it rained down on them, water beading on their skin, the two detectives watched the send-off to their friend in silence, side-by-side. Joseph had been right. Though Sebastian had his doubts, the formation taking shape as the balloons floated away was quite the spectacle. He noticed that their own well-wishes were far separated from the rest of the cluster as they swayed weightlessly, climbing higher and higher, and sometimes nearly touching as they followed the same path... inseparable, even through the storm.

 


	5. Ungrateful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian slips further into despair, dwelling upon what has come to pass and his own inabilities while Joseph offers help... but Sebastian feels he should be helping his partner instead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the delay on this one! This chapter ended up being longer than expected, and was originally supposed to incorporate what will now be chapter 6. I broke it into two parts instead.
> 
> Also, I just wanted to say a huge thank-you to Kenren, for always leaving such lovely reviews and just being overall wonderful :) ♥ Another shoutout and thanks to EmiWanKenobi, who left some remarkably kind words right when I needed them the most. And of course, to everyone who reads, reblogs, likes, and comments both here and on tumblr... Thank you guys so much! I hope you enjoy! ♥
> 
> You'll notice a couple little homages to tv shows in this chapter :)

  
  
"You're not going to finish that?"  
  
The clanking of plates, coupled with the droning chatter of the diner's guests and the tv hanging in the corner of the room, caused Joseph to speak up over the noise.  
  
Sebastian spared a glance across the table at his partner, picking at his half-eaten sandwich. For once in Joseph's life, he seemed to have polished off his meal... leaving only remnants of toast and eggs near the edges of his plate. At least that made one of them. Sebastian wasn't sure how long he was staring at his neglected food, but it must have been longer than he'd imagined.  
  
"You keeping track?" Sebastian asked lowly, a dark eyebrow quirking.  
  
"I think it's only fair," Joseph said, "seeing as you threatened to force-feed me in recent memory."  
  
"Well, that was different," Sebastian quipped. "And I swear, I'm fine. Stop worrying so much."  
  
"If you say so."  
  
Joseph looked far from certain as he redirected his gaze to the window, but Sebastian was thankful that he didn't push the subject. Their lunch had passed quietly, neither of them speaking much, and again, that staggering silence fell between them. Though the rain had calmed to a light drizzle since they'd entered the diner, those ominous storm clouds lingered, casting the world in darkness, and refused to be swayed.  
  
He studied Joseph's features as he stared out the window, pale and contemplative. His partner would have looked calm, if not for his particularly knitted brow. He wondered what he was thinking about, or if he was holding up as well as he let on.  
  
There were countless memories in the little diner, as it was one of the only restaurants in the inner-city opened twenty-four hours. It was often a go-to for long hours worked overtime, eating meals in the dead of night... or a lunch-break mid-day when they had some time to kill. The food might have been cheap, but it was homey, and the sort of place that reminded Sebastian of the quaint Southern town he'd grown up in.  
  
 It seemed ages ago since they'd last been here... but no matter what happened, there was a sort of comfort in knowing that Joseph hadn't left his side.  
  
_Or worse._  
  
After some time passed, Joseph glanced at his wrist to regard his silver watch, which he typically only wore on formal occasions. On days like this, Sebastian wondered why time even mattered at all.  
  
"I wish I could stay but... I really should get going."  
  
Though he attempted to be unfazed by the news of his partner leaving, Sebastian's tone was hollow.  
  
 "You got somewhere to be?"  
  
"Yeah, you know how it goes," Joseph said, with a somewhat strained smile. "Duty calls."  
  
He knew that when Joseph used the idiom, it only ever meant real business, as opposed to how Sebastian often used it ironically. Lines were etched into his forehead as his eyebrows raised, giving Joseph his full attention.  
  
"They interviewing you so soon?"  
  
"Well, I didn't want to put it off."  
  
"Jesus, Joseph, they barely gave you time to get out of the fucking hospital."  
  
Sebastian watched as Joseph's features contorted into a cringe, clearly disapproving of Sebastian's loud tone and choice words. But he remained calm, and took a sip of his water.  
  
Better than doing it while I was there," Joseph reasoned, setting his glass back down as his fingertips lingered against its sides. "I'm honestly just grateful to be alive, and at least everything will still be fresh in my mind. Besides, it's not really the kind of obligation I'd want to take lightly."  
  
Sebastian was instantly uncomfortable as the visuals resurfaced, all too vivid. He'd already considered the very real possibility of Joseph's death far more than he'd like to accept over the last few days, so he boxed it up, and refused to acknowledge it. When Sebastian had regained his composure, he cleared his throat, his tone dropping low as he leaned in a bit.  
  
"FBI?" he asked.  
  
Joseph glanced around them, and then nodded.  
  
"You nervous? Just treat it like a regular interview. There's nothing to it."  
  
"I'm not nervous, Seb... I just..." Joseph hesitated, his gaze stuck somewhere in the ice cubes of his cooling glass of water, his fingertips leaving streaks against the condensation. "I wish I could stay. if I would have known, I—"  
  
With a forced huff of a laugh as he glanced off to the side, Sebastian sat back in his seat again, knowing full well what Joseph was doing.  As usual, this wasn't about Joseph's interview at all. It wasn't about the fact that the authorities should have had more tact, and given him more time, due to his tenuous recovery. No, Joseph was making it about him, his partner. Just like always... all because he couldn't even keep it together at a _fucking_ funeral.  
  
 "Joseph," Sebastian said, attempting to keep his tone light, despite the surge of emotions still swelling in his chest. "Just do what you need to do and get your ass out of here. You don't need to stay because of me."  
  
"Are you sure? I mean, I'm sure we could arrange something—"  
  
_"Joseph."_  
  
Their eyes met across the table, and it looked as if Joseph was about to open his mouth to utter a reply, when their waitress walked up to their booth.  
  
"How was everything?" the middle-aged woman asked cheerfully, glancing between the two men as her gaudy earrings bounced along with her curly head of hair.  
  
"Great," said Sebastian, only half-looking at her. He hoped the compliment wasn't undermined by his half-eaten meal.  
  
"Any dessert today for you boys?"  
  
"I think we'll pass."  
  
"All right, will this be one check or two?"  
  
This time, it was Joseph who spoke up, before Sebastian had the chance. "One, please. Thank you."  
  
"I'll have it ready at the counter," the waitress said. "You two take your time." She and Joseph smiled at each other, before she headed back to the register. When Sebastian threw his partner a look of annoyance, Joseph shrugged.  
  
"What?" he asked innocently. "I'm not going to leave you with the check. You already bought lunch this week."  
  
Shaking his head, Sebastian couldn't deny the logic or fairness there, but he'd really prefer if Joseph didn't keep this up. He was supposed to be looking after _him_. Letting it slide this time, Sebastian watched as Joseph scooted towards the edge of the seat, and then stood near the table.  
  
"We should do this again," Joseph said quietly, as he buttoned his suit jacket. "It's been a long time."  
  
 Sebastian easily denoted the hint of nostalgia to his partner's tone. The pair's falling out in recent months had kept their relationship strained, and their outings practically nonexistent. It was kind of funny, how by a cruel twist of fate, they fell right back into old habits with each other...certainly far from the good old days, but something vaguely reminiscent of it.  
  
 "Yeah," Sebastian gave a solemn nod. "Call if you need anything."  
  
"Will do."  
  
With a slight, and somewhat awkward wave, Joseph almost looked like he wanted to move in a bit closer, maybe shake his hand or something... but he headed back to the front of the restaurant where the counter was, to pay their check and take his leave.  
  
Sebastian took his time in getting up, not wanting to seem too overbearing, or trail after Joseph. He was a grown man, and despite his initial instinct of hovering protectively, he knew that he could hold up well enough on his own. It was just an interview, and it wasn't as if he'd be taken again...  
  
The disturbing thought halted all of Sebastian's thoughts momentarily, images of Joseph in a horror-like bathtub, or a hospital bed... but he brushed the paranoia aside... reassuring himself that Joseph would be _fine_. The moment of mental quietness alerted him to the tv still running near the diner's counter, and a few choice, familiar words caught his attention. Lips parted, he glanced upwards to watch the news clip that was currently playing.  
  
_"... details are unclear as more evidence is gathered, but the Beacon murders have left seventeen dead, including several members of Krimson's police force, and three missing. The lone survivors of the horrific ordeal, are detectives—"_  
  
Before he bothered to hear his own name be said, suddenly feeling claustrophobic and suffocated, Sebastian quickly stood from his seat, grabbing his discarded jacket from the booth beside him. He made a beeline straight for the door, assuming Joseph had left a tip, when the waitress called him back.  
  
"Excuse me, sir?"  
  
Standing in the center of the restaurant, with several people staring, Sebastian was tempted to ignore her entirely and flee the scene, but he stopped and turned around, if only to tell her off.  
  
"Listen, lady," he said, the world seeming but a dreary haze, the faces surrounding him shapeless. He had no idea what she was going to say about the news, or his dead friend, but he didn't want to hear it. "I already paid..."  
  
"I know," she said, offering a smile, as well as a styrofoam take-out box. "This is for you. Your friend ordered them before he left."  
  
Sebastian stood in silence as he hesitantly reached out to take the box. The woman laughed, and then elaborated. "They're lemon bars. I guess he thought you could use some dessert, after all."  
  
"Oh. Thanks." It was the exact opposite of the usual quips that Joseph offered when he ate one too many doughnuts, or some other equally 'unhealthy' food. With a forced smile, Sebastian took the box in hand, and continued out the door of the diner.  
  
Easily making his way back to his Ford, now saturated by rain drops on its sleek surface, Sebastian hardly felt like he was deserving of such consideration. He got into the car and placed the desserts in the passenger's seat, along with his suit jacket. He stared at the seat for a moment, imagining Joseph there, cradling the box against his lap and smiling at him, before the images were washed away by the rain. Deciding to tempt fate, Sebastian refused to buckle his seatbelt as he twisted the key into the ignition and headed off into the bleak Krimson afternoon.  
  
The drive home felt infinitely longer than the half-hour trip back to the outskirts of the city... but surprisingly, his name constantly being mentioned on the news was the least of his concerns. The whole damned ride, he kept thinking about Joseph... and while he knew it wasn't his right to meddle, he couldn't help but wonder what sort of information Joseph would divulge to the FBI.  
  
Joseph was a hell of a lot more honest than he was, but at the same time, needed to keep his lips sealed if they didn't want to be involved any further, or have the government onto them...  
  
...especially not if they found a way to connect him in any way to Connelly's death.  
  
Sebastian shuddered, readjusting his hands on the steering wheel as the slick city streets spread out before him, greenery beginning to appear in the distance.  
  
With any luck, Joseph would realize what was in their best interest, and Sebastian hoped that he was holding up all right. Giving himself another episode while in the hands of the FBI wouldn't bode well. But above all, he hoped that Joseph was smart enough to lie through his teeth about what they'd seen... and the horrors they had been through. If he mentioned anything preposterous, there was a high chance they'd _both_ be presumed crazy.  
  
Though his partner's performance, as well as his health, was at the forefront of his thoughts, it also got him thinking... about how much information the FBI didn't have, and what Sebastian knew that _they_ didn't.  
  
Arriving back home to his apartment should have been a reprieve after such a tumultuous morning, but there was no relief to be found. He grabbed his suit jacket and takeout box, and headed inside. The rain had slowed down, no longer torrential, but even the drizzle was enough to keep him wet. The whiskey kept him fully drowning.  
  
Sebastian didn't waste any time reaching for the remainder of the last bottle he'd bought, ignoring his dampened clothes. He filled up his glass and set it down upon the coffee table in the living room, along with his box of confections.  
  
Then, he entered his bedroom, that familiar madness taking hold. Sebastian felt as if he were stepping onto the scene of a funeral for the second time today. As he approached his closet, he kneeled down there, where he unearthed a cardboard box from beneath the piles of clothes. To others, it might appear as nothing more than a discarded holder of souvenirs and odds and ends from another lifetime ago, but it was much more than that.  
  
Returning to the living room, with the box held carefully in his grasp, Sebastian promptly began unpacking the items from within it, taking sips of whiskey in between. The memories came washing back, as fresh as if the fire had occurred yesterday, and his drink could hardly soothe the burn.  
  
Though he hadn't touched them in quite some time, the files that he'd hidden beneath some of his old belongings were precisely where he'd left them. Out of sight, and inconspicuous enough not to attract attention.  
  
The files were spread out anywhere he could fit them... most of them taking residence upon the table, but some ended up on the floor, and the couch beside him. It looked like the work station of a mad man, and at this point, he was almost willing to admit it.  
  
Poring over Myra's painstakingly written words, her case notes, and her personal collection of files, interviews, and reports... Sebastian was determined to find some answers as he sat down on the couch. There _had_ to be something he'd missed along the way... but the more he knew, the less things seemed to piece together. He'd caught hell for pursuing his wife's unfinished work on his own, and he was no closer to the truth than he had been months ago. And to think, he'd held onto it all this time, lied to internal affairs, and kept it to himself, safely guarded...  
  
... but there hadn't seemed to be another way.  
  
 Sebastian entertained the thought of handing the information over to the FBI.  Would it help their cause, and crack the case, to know what Myra knew? Or would it involve himself and his partner in undeniable ways, and contribute to a potential plea of insanity should anything happen?  
  
The rush of curiosity and determination transformed into frustration as hours passed in a daze, his system buzzing with unanswered questions, along with the alcohol. At times, he paced around, attempting to make sense of it all as he refilled his glass, before collapsing back onto his sofa to reread the notes for the umpteenth time.  
  
In the end, no further evidence showed itself, and Sebastian felt completely lost at sea. Running his fingers through his unkempt hair, Sebastian reclined with an arm slung over the back of the couch, while his other cradled his bottle of whiskey, now nearly empty. His glazed amber eyes focused upwards at the ceiling, as he craned his neck against the couch. He knew better than to look for answers from above, but it didn't stop him from staring dazedly for a time.  
  
Grip tightening around the neck of the whiskey bottle, he felt his chest grow tight... and that's when it dawned on him:  
  
_He'd failed everyone._  
  
It wasn't enough that he was unable to save Lily, or that he'd practically driven Myra away when he desperately needed her... now, his hands were stained red with Connelly's blood, he'd trusted a rookie who may have very well betrayed them... and his partner, his best friend, was ill. All at the end of a dead-end case, that seemed to be going absolutely _fucking_ nowhere. He felt suddenly as if he were in a tangled mess of live wires, very much alive, but absolutely helpless to do anything as he struggled and persisted.  
  
Sebastian couldn't possibly conceive things being any worse than this.  
  
A vibrating sound startled him out of his churning thoughts, realizing that he'd left his cell phone on the coffee table. Sebastian lifted his head, reaching forward to trade his bottle of whiskey for it, and seeing that he'd received a message.  
  
**Made it out in one piece. Heading back to my place to feed the fish, then I'll stop by. How are you doing?**  
**6:09pm**  
**-Joseph**  
  
Thinking it over for a few moments, holding his phone in hand, Sebastian figured that it'd be less suspicious to answer him, than to ignore the text entirely. After all, the man worried enough for the both of them. Regardless of his response, he knew that Joseph would be over, especially given the morning's events. He was persistent like that... not to mention, he also had a key to his apartment.  
  
Though the screen was terribly blurred, Sebastian texted him back to the best of his abilities.  
  
**im fine. see ya soon**  
**6:11pm**  
**-Sebastian**  
  
Before he had time to allow the blatant lie that he'd told to fully sink in, Sebastian was picking up the scattered papers from the scene before him. He couldn't risk Joseph seeing any of this.  With some awkward stumbling as he rose from the couch, Sebastian slowly gathered the files in hand, sliding them back into the manila folder one by one. Before it was placed back into the box, a single envelope remained, addressed to him personally by Myra's hand.  He needn't open the precious letter, as he knew the words by heart, had committed the immaculate curves of Myra's handwriting to memory:  
  
_My Dearest Sebastian-_  
  
_If you've received this letter, then I fear the worst has come to pass. It means that my investigation got too close to the truth. It means that you may never see me again._  
  
_I'm sorry I kept it from you, but it was to protect you... from either the truth or my madness._  
  
_I've enclosed a copy of my files. I only hope that you never receive them, but if you do... it's up to you to finish what I started. Please, find justice for Lily. And for me._  
  
_I love you with all of my heart._  
  
_\- Myra_  
  
 He could never understand how simple notes on a piece of paper could be so comforting and so devastating simultaneously. Pausing for a few long moments, feeling more choked up than he'd like to admit, Sebastian eventually decided to leave the letter out, upon the coffee table, before boxing up the rest and putting it away again in his bedroom.  
  
From there, he gathered some cozier clothes, really whatever he'd tossed on the floor last... and headed towards the bathroom. If nothing else, he could at least try to clean up before Joseph arrived. He'd obviously gather that he was drinking, as there was no way to hide it from his partner, but at least he'd be somewhat presentable. And hygienic, which Joseph would surely appreciate.  
  
It wasn't until Sebastian was fully naked, having easily shed his dress clothes to lay in a crumpled heap upon the bathroom floor, that he realized how haggard his appearance was. Regarding his reflection in the mirror as he leaned over the sink, he could admit that he looked like hell. He couldn't remember the last time he'd actually looked at himself in the mirror... and as unpleasant visions crept like shadows, he could hear that classical tune playing, somewhere in the back of his mind. It both soothed and unnerved him, feeling stalked and yet, somehow not as lonely.  
  
The notes seemed to grow louder, beckoning him, calling him as he regarded his own grim visage... and he could see her face... but as he closed his eyes, the eerie melody was suddenly silenced as a gunshot sounded, and he remembered what Connelly looked like when he'd dropped dead, lifeless and deformed. Staring at the mirrored-image of himself, chest heaving and wide-eyed, Sebastian hopped into the shower and prayed that the warm water would douse some sense back into him, or wash away some of the guilt that he felt so strongly.  
  
Twisting the shower's knobs, Sebastian's hands splayed against the cool tile of the wall to steady himself, the room quickly filling up with steam. Most people reserved showers for deep thoughts... allowing their minds to wander, but Sebastian was tired of thinking. Instead, he focused on that pleasant buzz tingling through his limbs, the one that told him not to worry about anything.  
  
Sebastian had barely thrown an old pair of jeans on, and a faded tee, as he stepped out of the bathroom while toweling his soaking hair, when he turned the corner to see the front door open. There was a brief moment of panic, in a delayed response, before he realized that it was his partner.  
  
"Joseph," Sebastian said, by way of greeting.  
  
"Hey, Seb. I hope you don't mind me letting myself in." Though he closed the door behind him, Joseph hesitated near the entrance, holding onto his spare key as he fidgeted with it.  
  
Sebastian shrugged. "Of course not."  
  
As he looked him over, Joseph was only slightly less formal than earlier, having rid himself of his suit jacket, to be left in his classic waistcoat and pants. His attire was a bit more casual, with sleeves rolled-up. Almost instantly, Joseph's eyes were glancing between the coffee table where the empty bottle of whiskey still remained, and Sebastian's face. Sebastian didn't look him in the eye.  
  
"Busy night?" Joseph asked, calmly, but Sebastian knew what he was getting at.  
  
"You could say that," Sebastian said, as he held the wet towel within his grasp. The slur to his words couldn't possibly be concealed. "Are you gonna come inside, or just stand there?"  
  
Though Joseph's brown eyes were fixated on him, looking particularly forlorn, he quietly stepped across the room to be seated on the couch. He walked towards it like a man on death row. Once Joseph was seated, he leaned forward, his fingers laced together. Sebastian watched while Joseph took in the scenery... and he knew it wasn't pretty. The dirty plates, clothing, and empty beer-cans scattered around the place were a common sight to Sebastian, but Joseph hadn't been here in a long while. It wasn't as if he had a housekeeper any more to take care of such things while he was away.  
  
Joseph's gaze eventually fell upon the coffee table, one of the few clear areas, and that's when he remembered that he'd left Myra's letter out in the open. _Fuck_.  
  
A cold dread rushed through him, despite how warm he usually felt after drinking. In a surprisingly quick display, despite the alcohol in his system, Sebastian lifted the styrofoam takeout box, scooting it a bit closer to Joseph on the table and effectively covering up the envelope. Thank god, Joseph hadn't seemed to notice.  
  
"Lemon bar?" Sebastian offered, flipping the lid of the box open.  
  
"No, no I'm good..." Joseph waved him off politely.  
  
 "Right, watching your figure," Sebastian quipped, as he shook his head, and then walked the short ways over to the bathroom to rid himself of his towel. When he came back to the couch, he plucked one of the bright yellow treats from the opened box, and shoved it into his mouth as he sat down beside Joseph.  
  
"So, how'd it go?" he asked, not caring that his mouth was full.  
  
"It went well enough." Joseph pivoted slightly better regard him, before he hung his head. "Though, it looks like I won't be returning to work any time soon."  
  
He shouldn't have been surprised, but Sebastian still winced.  
  
"Hah, join the club," said Sebastian, as he finished eating and flopped back against the couch, his dampened hair flat and heavy against his forehead. "You want a drink?"  
  
"I really shouldn't..."  
  
Sebastian nudged Joseph's arm. "Come on, live a little, Oda. Now that we might be enjoying retirement..."  
  
The look that Joseph gave him was something close to being physically wounded, his brow wrinkling.  "Do you have to say it like that?"  
  
"Fine, _vacation_."  
  
"Well, don't let me stop you from celebrating."  
  
"I never do."  
  
Both men sat moodily on the couch for quite some time, before Sebastian spoke up again. Though he probably shouldn't have pushed it without Joseph bringing it up himself, he had never been one to mince words.  
  
"What did you tell them?" he asked, a demanding edge to his tone.  
  
"I told them the truth," Joseph said, with a slow exhale.  
  
"And what would that be?"  
  
"That I have no idea what happened... who abducted us, _nothing_. Just that the last thing I remember is being in the car with you, Oscar and Kidman... then, waking up at Beacon... and, well... the rest of it."  
  
Sebastian didn't want to think about that.

"That's it?"  
  
"That's it."  
  
At least that eased Sebastian's mind a bit, knowing that Joseph had played it smart. The last thing they needed was for some higher-ups thinking they were certifiably insane... because their word wouldn't be good for anything, in that case. Sebastian had never been particularly talented at heart-to-hearts, or any prolonged, serious discussion... so he opted for another activity, instead.  
  
"You wanna watch some tv?"  
  
Before he even received a reply, Sebastian reached over to nab the remote from the edge of the couch.  
  
"Oh, sure."  
  
Flicking on the television, the faces on the screen were familiar ones. Anyone who watched any amount of tv in the 90s would recognize the unlikely pair of FBI agents, who investigated unexplained events and cracked unsolved cases, but most of all, encountered the paranormal, as well as the extraterrestrial, in search of the truth.  
  
Joseph threw him a sidelong glance, and Sebastian took the hint. Likely not the best choice. Sebastian changed the channel, and it seemed like some old western film was playing, so he kept it on... dropping the remote next to him on the couch. Though Sebastian settled back again, a bare foot resting upon the edge of coffee table, out of the corner of his eye he saw that Joseph was sitting stiffly. The other man eventually leaned forward to break a lemon square in half, to nibble at it until he was finished.  
  
Sebastian honestly couldn't recall the last time anyone had watched tv with him on his own couch. It had always been a favorite pastime of the Castellanos family, a simple way to have some quality family time, even with their busy schedules. Sometimes, he could still feel Lily's curls, as he caressed her forehead while she fell asleep against him... and Myra's warm breath against his neck, her head against his shoulder.  
  
Lost in his daydreaming, and only half-paying attention to the movie, it took him a moment to realize that Joseph was staring at him. It was dark in the living room, as all the blinds were closed, and the reflection of the television's images caused light to dance upon his pallid features.

  
  
"Hey, Seb, can I ask you something?"  
  
"Hrm?" He lazily turned his head, meeting his gaze more directly.  
  
"Why do you do this?"  
  
"What?"  
  
With a hesitant pause, Joseph waved his hand in a hopeless gesture, his expression one of pity.  
  
"Drinking like this. I know today was rough, but... I wish you'd take better care of yourself..."  
  
At those words, the unpleasant memories of not-too-long-ago were suddenly rushing back, tenfold. It made him remember the reason why, until now, he hadn't spent much time with his partner in recent months.  
  
"Yeah, you already made that pretty damned clear in your report."  
  
" _Sebastian_..." Joseph's features immediately fell, and Sebastian didn't give him any chance at an apology. Instead, he surrendered his comfortable position on the couch, and menacingly stood from his seat. In the background, gunshots resounded boisterously, the sound of cowboys at a stand-off.  
  
"You know, I thought you came here to spend time with me," Sebastian said bitterly, "not to give me one of your goddamned lectures."  
  
Joseph, although he was perhaps the most somber he'd ever seen him, stood his ground as he looked up at him, eyes wide. He was pleading him with that deep brown stare.  
  
"I'm just _worried_ about you, Seb."  
  
"Worry about _yourself_ ," Sebastian spat. He couldn't take him looking at him like that, so he did the only thing he knew how to do. "Listen, I'm going to bed."  
  
Sebastian was off in a huff, taking long, stormy strides across the living room. He was already half-way towards the bedroom when Joseph spoke up, his voice carrying even over the ruckus of the television.  
  
"I'm not going to leave you," he said, entirely composed. Sebastian heard the creak of the sofa's springs as Joseph rose from his seat. "I hope you realize that."  
  
Sebastian turned to throw a quick glance over his shoulder as he paused, his tone hollow as he stood among the shadows of the darkened hallway.  
  
"Maybe you should. Everyone else has."  
  
He didn't linger long enough to see how Joseph had reacted, as he slammed the bedroom door behind him. Sebastian already knew that he'd shot another man down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: legit shippy stuff, I promise! ;) Thank you for reading, and as always, feedback is always greatly appreciated!


	6. Unspoken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surrounded by darkness and haunted by nightmares, Joseph and Sebastian share a quiet moment... and truths come to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sincerest apologies for the delay on this chapter! Gosh, it's up way later than I wanted it to be. August was a very poor month for me, health-wise... but I'm feeling much better now. Back on track!
> 
> Endless thanks this time around to Jazzitupart86, Owlosaurusrex, Sarcsticnightfury, Thatsleepingshrimp, Secondbesthero, Debbiecolon, Happydoodlesama, Akasha, EmiWanKenobi, SkinandBones, B, Akarisoul , Hollypop107... Seriously whether you guys realize it or not, you have said something that inspired me, or fueled me, or put a smile on my face during a really rough month, so thank you ♥ 
> 
> Chapter artwork by my sweet friend Meiri! ♥ Please check out her amazing work at gottaartgottascream.tumblr.com! 
> 
> Also some mood music for this chapter because I listened to these a lot writing this.  
> Breathe Me - Sia  
> Dance on Our Graves - Paper Route  
> Cover Your Eyes - Cabin
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

  
The lull of alcohol was often the only way that Sebastian could manage sleep, a cure-all elixir for his ailments. It was a habit that developed after the fire, and had remained consistent ever since. Though his flask wasn't by his side as it had been the prior evening, the whiskey-induced slumber claimed him much faster than he could have anticipated.  
  
Anesthetized as he was, no amount of alcohol could prevent him from reacting to the tortured yelling that resounded in his head. His senses groggy and muted, he wondered if he was still dreaming. It had almost sounded like...  
  
_Joseph._  
  
Sebastian sat bolt upright in bed, throwing the covers back and feeling the dampness of perspiration against his bare chest as the cool nighttime air assaulted his skin. He moved to sit at the edge of the bed, feet planted against the floor, a strange sense of deja vu washing over him as his amber eyes darted around wildly. Nothing seemed to be amiss, and the only eeriness of his surroundings happened to be the shadows that danced upon the walls, sneaking behind pieces of furniture or slinking beneath the cracks of doors at the darkened edges of the yellow lantern light that pooled outwards.  
  
It must have been another nightmare...  
  
Cradling his aching head in his hands, Sebastian leaned forward, suddenly remembering why he'd retired so early. It was almost a physical pain as he recalled the cruel words he'd spat at his partner, the door between them slamming just as loudly in his memory. Joseph hadn't deserved that, and the man had every right to be cross with him over his belligerent behavior. He had practically given him everything, and what had he provided in exchange? Certainly no common decency.  
  
The last few days had been his chance, after years of Joseph catering to his needs, and immersing himself fully into his grief, to give something back. Even Sebastian could admit that he was doing a piss-poor job of it. But maybe he wasn't meant for this... playing the caretaker.  
  
He'd filled that role once, and a cruel twist of fate had torn it away from him. For now, he felt forever doomed to take eternally, and give nothing in return.  
  
Sebastian was seriously considering rolling back over, in hopes that the horrid images conjured up in his brain would be kept at bay, when he heard some movement issued from the living room. Mind still buzzing as he kept very still, not daring to move a muscle, he heard it again... a faint shifting sound.  
  
Jumbled thoughts rushed through his mind all at once, fighting for superiority. Panic rose thickly into his throat, choking him with protective instinct, as well as a separation anxiety that he'd grown to fear. What if something had happened to Joseph in his own home, and he hadn't been alert enough to stop it? What if he was too late? Or what if it was simply the inner-workings of his subconscious playing cruel tricks on him?  
  
"Joseph?"  
  
Sebastian called out into the night, as if speaking his name out loud might indicate whether this was a vision or reality.  
  
In response, he heard a shout that was distinctively his partner's, as if something was harming him.  
  
Paying no mind to the fact that he was wearing nothing but a pair of drawstring sleep pants, Sebastian was standing in a heartbeat as he reached over to his bedside table to retrieve his revolver, as well as the lantern that remained vigilant at his bedside.  
  
He crossed the room in no time at all, bare feet pattering as he opened the door and rushed down the hallway and into the living room, the soft glow of the lantern pouring forth to light the way in his otherwise pitch-black apartment.  
  
Sebastian wasn't sure what he expected to see, after the hell they'd both been though. He feared Joseph bleeding out, like so many nightmarish visions he'd witnessed inside of his head, or the disturbing memories that often flooded his thoughts and monopolized his dreams, soaking them with gore. What if someone had broken in, tried to injure Joseph and take him again? What if they'd succeeded? What if he'd hurt _himself_?  
  
Hardly breathing, his chest tight from the sprint into the living room, Sebastian expected the sight before him to be infinitely more grim as he paused near the couch, brandishing his weapon as he held the lantern out in front of him. Lying on his back on the sofa, Joseph was writhing around in his sleep, his features contorted in unmistakable pain. His breath was coming out in shallow gasps for air, punctuated by distressed whimpering. He was clearly struggling as if fighting against something tangible.  
  
Sebastian knew the feeling all too well.  
  
Without hesitation, Sebastian set the lantern and pistol down upon the coffee table. Bending low to take hold of the smaller man's shoulders as he lifted him slightly, he began gently shaking him.  
  
"Joseph! Hey, Joseph! Wake up!"  
  
It took a few moments for Joseph to come around, but when he did, his brown eyes snapped open to stare dazedly. Beneath the heat of his palms, Joseph's skin felt clammy and void of any warmth.  
  
"Seb?" Joseph was almost looking right through him, his gaze wide and dilated, their noses nearly touching as Sebastian refused to relinquish his grip.  
  
"Joseph," Sebastian breathed out his name, relief finally taking hold, though his heart was thudding in his chest. Joseph's eyelashes fluttered as Sebastian exhaled against the other man's face. "Are you all right?"  
  
"Are... you?" he asked hesitantly, voice wavering.  
  
"Yeah, of course. It was just a dream."  
  
He said it not only for his partner, but for himself. His eyes scanned over Joseph's figure, pale skin illuminated by soft lantern glow. Too worried for his partner's well-being, and caught up in the adrenaline rushing through his bloodstream, he hadn't fully noticed until now that he was wearing only a sleeveless undershirt, his boxer-briefs, and dress socks... clearly not appropriate attire for such a chilled morning.  
  
He saw that Joseph's attention had wandered over to the coffee table, where his gun and the lantern sat, and beside them were Joseph's glasses and folded-up clothes which he hadn't seen prior. Sebastian chose not to explain himself for the time-being. He could feel Joseph begin to shake against his steady grasp, goosebumps prickling all over his skin, though he sensed that he was attempting not to acknowledge it.  
  
"Damn it, Joseph... you're freezing," he muttered. "Hang tight, I'm gonna get you a blanket."  
  
Releasing him at last, as Joseph nodded numbly, Sebastian turned quickly and crossed the room, heading back towards the hallway and the closet that held his spare sheets, towels, and other household items. Palming the handle with far more force than was necessary, the hinges creaking in protest, he grabbed the warmest blanket, and hastily made his way back to Joseph.  
  
Eyes gradually adjusting to the dark, it seemed as if the apartment was no longer his own. But this time, it wasn't because of swimming images, morbid and blurred, intended to fuddle and confuse. Instead, he noticed that it was completely immaculate, his living space no longer cluttered with empty take-out containers, beer bottles, filthy dishes and discarded articles of dirty clothing. For a moment, he thought it still might be a dream, but nothing this positive had happened in months. Casting a quick glance over to the kitchen, its appearance was equally clean. Sebastian's chest constricted as he felt a sick sense of guilt, fully and completely. Joseph had not only tolerated his drunken outbursts and stayed the night to check on him, but he'd tidied up his entire place, because he'd lost the will to do it for himself.  
  
It was far more than he would have ever asked for, and infinitely more than he deserved.  
  
When he returned to the living room, Joseph was sitting up, though he was curled with with his bare knees hugged to his chest, his feet at the edge of the couch cushion. He was being wracked by full-body shivers, his breathing still erratic. They were traits that Sebastian often witnessed among distressed witnesses or victims, but never his put-together partner.  
  
His heart wrenched at how utterly terrified he looked. Certainly not the Joseph he was used to... the one who often put him in his place, or jumped straight into dangerous situations right along with him, always willing to get in a bit over his head.  
  
While he would typically lecture the younger man for being so inconsiderate of his own needs, as he'd crashed here on a few occasions and knew precisely where the spare bedding was kept, he bit his tongue, brow knitted in empathy. This wasn't the time, and he _really_ owed him one.  
  
Unfolding the blanket, Sebastian held two corners of it and moved in close to drape it around Joseph's shoulders. He stood there a moment, watching as Joseph nodded his thanks, teeth practically chattering as he wrapped it around himself.  
  
"You gonna be okay?" Sebastian asked quietly, a warm palm moving to squeeze Joseph's bony shoulder through the blanket.  
  
"Y-yeah, I'm just a little cold."  
  
He knew it was a half-truth. Before Sebastian could offer any alternatives, such as taking a hot shower, or maybe getting him situated in the bedroom, the bed still surely warm, so that he could trade places and take up familiar residence on the couch... he sat beside him. Sebastian tilted his head, pivoting his upper body towards Joseph.  
  
"Come here."  
  
Though he hesitated, wide-eyed and exhausted-looking, Joseph scooted closer to him without a sound. Muscular arms enveloped him as he pulled him close, the blanket around Joseph's shoulders wrapped tightly so that he was completely covered. Though he'd never want to overstep any boundaries, as Joseph was a fiercely independent person, there was something to be said about providing comfort. It simply felt like the most natural thing to do, whether he was asking for help or not. Besides, he had enough body heat for the both of them, with a tendency to run warm and overheat. He had no idea what Joseph had seen in the realm of his subconscious, but if his own horrific visions were any indication, it must have been bad to warrant such a reaction.  
  
Whatever he'd seen, they were in this together, and he'd be _damned_ if anything were to harm him, even in his dreams.  
  
A large hand instinctively slipped behind Joseph's back, rubbing between his shoulder blades through the soft threads of the blanket. He could hear Joseph's breath hitch in his chest, his body tense against his as he shook uncontrollably.

  
  
"You breathing there, partner?" Without thinking, his palm was smoothing over Joseph's back.  
  
"Trying to," Joseph said, with a shaky inhale.  
  
"Hey, you're all right. Try and relax."  
  
Joseph dared to rest his head against Sebastian's shoulder. He certainly didn't mind, if he could aid him in calming down and perhaps getting some much-needed sleep. Sebastian was surprised by how comfortable it was, the other man so close he could smell whatever surely-expensive product Joseph used to style his hair.  
  
Sebastian had some mixed feelings, then, wondering if he was making Joseph uncomfortable by being so physical with him. Since the beginning of their partnership, Sebastian had always been the more openly affectionate one, thumping him on the back after a job well done, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, or patting his head to muss up his hair, much to Joseph's dismay. Though it clearly irked him at first, over the years, Joseph had seemingly learned to politely tolerate his gregarious nature, even if it meant he never returned the favor.  
  
It took him a while, but Sebastian was patient as Joseph began to calm, and he kept up a soothing and steady motion against Joseph's back. With a couple of deep and ragged-sounding breaths, he watched his shoulders rise and then fall, his chest expanding, but limbs still shivering. Sebastian could hear Joseph sucking in air slowly and deliberately through his mouth.  
  
"There you go," Sebastian encouraged. "Keep at it."  
  
Joseph seemed spurred on by his words, concentrating on his breathing until he began to cease his quivering, and his breaths were no longer quick and shallow but evenly spaced. Going out on a limb, Sebastian figured it might be a good time to attempt some humor. The art of distraction could oftentimes go a long way.  
  
"I see you got rid of my beer bottle collection," he quipped, in a falsely serious tone, "how the hell am I supposed to find anything, now?"  
  
"Oh," Joseph chuckled softly, a sound that warmed Sebastian in return. "Well, I guess you'll just have to find a new method to your madness."  
  
Once Joseph had gone still, finally calm in Sebastian's embrace and feeling quite a bit warmer, he almost thought that he'd fallen asleep, until his partner's voice calmly broke the silence.  
  
"Hey, Seb?"  
  
He tilted his head slightly, eyes cast downwards to see Joseph's profile, the lantern causing shadowplay upon his fair features.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
 "I'm... sorry if I woke you."  
  
"Don't worry about that," he reassured him. Of all things, that was the least of Sebastian's concerns. "I'm just glad you're okay." Before he could stop himself, his hand still absentmindedly rubbing between Joseph's shoulders, a question formed. "Has this... happened every night?"  
  
There were a few beats of silence while the lantern flickered, and Joseph gave a solemn nod, his dark hair brushing against the rugged stubble of Sebastian's jawline. Sebastian had a few unpleasant visuals, of Joseph alone in his apartment, standing at the edge of his balcony and teetering over the edge. He shuddered at the thought, silently hating himself for ever allowing him to be alone.  
  
"Well, I know it might not mean much," Sebastian started, and he was glad that Joseph couldn't see his face from where he was resting. "But whatever happened, whatever you saw... just know that it wasn't real."  
  
Staring ahead, Joseph hesitated. "How can you be so sure?"  
  
"I don't know," Sebastian shrugged. "It's just a feeling."  
  
"I... wish I knew how to trust that feeling."  
  
"It's simple, Joseph. You're here, and I'm here, and we're real. What else matters?"  
  
"I guess... it just feels like sometimes I'm still _there_ , Seb. And I know it's not a dream when I wake up, because they're _my_ memories. It's like... I'm reliving it."  
  
Though not a muscle twitched, Sebastian's blood ran cold. It was something that he was intimately acquainted with in recent days. To wake up in the middle of the night, in a glistening sweat, because some bastard had filled his mind full of sickening images... a warped nightmare world that they'd both suffered through. Sebastian had always been protective over his partner, but his impulses to keep him safe were bordering on obsessive, now that he'd seen so many horrors befall him.   He swore to himself that he'd never let that happen again.  
  
His response may have been hesitant, not wanting to show any weakness for Joseph's sake as his thoughts swam with painful false memories, but he knew that it was for the best as his words hung heavily in the air.  
  
"It's okay, Joseph." Sebastian swallowed hard. "Me too."  
  
Joseph's head turned against his shoulder, body pivoting, and Sebastian could see his lips part, eyes glancing up at him, as if in awe.  
  
"You... remember?"  
  
"Yeah," he nodded grimly. "Everything."  
  
Joseph had the right to know. He needed a _partner_ , not just a protector.  
  
"So the lantern..." Joseph trailed off.  
  
"I guess it helps."  
  
His mind flashed back, then, to a slightly less violent image... the two of them spattered in blood from head to foot in that godforsaken place, the lantern beside them as they'd hid out in a darkened corridor to get some rest. It had been their only light as they tread through crimson-soaked shadows, as Joseph had slept against his shoulder, exhausted from the slaughter. Sebastian had kept watch, wanting more than anything for him to pull through.  
  
Thank god, he had.  
  
"The gun, too?"  
  
"Oh," Sebastian winced, realizing in retrospect that it was probably overkill. "Sorry about that. I mean, if someone had broken in, I just--"  
  
"It's okay," Joseph said, apparently not wanting to hear any more. "To be entirely honest, I've thought about investing in an axe... but I don't feel it would help my case much."  
  
Due to his almost deadpan tone, Sebastian couldn't tell if Joseph was being serious, or joking with him, but a scoff of a laugh escaped him, regardless. Another few moments passed, as Joseph heaved a heavy sigh, one that seemed to push all the air forth from his lungs, and then he was breathing again.  
  
"You know... I thought I was alone," he said, so quietly that even in that eerie silence, Sebastian hardly heard him. "Like I was going crazy."  
  
Joseph's words echoed what had been spoken from his hospital bed, as well as Sebastian's nightmares, and he felt a pang of guilt that he hadn't divulged such information sooner. He couldn't go back and change it, so all he could do was reaffirm that he didn't have to face this by himself.  
  
"You're _not_ crazy. And you're never alone, Joseph. I promise."  
  
That seemed good enough for him, until Joseph turned fully, shifting against Sebastian to see him eye-to-eye. It wasn't often that he saw the other man without his glasses, but there was an undeniable glint to his eyes whenever he did... the glow from the lantern only making it more apparent.  
  
"So, what do we do?" Joseph asked in a hushed tone. "Where do we go from here?"  
  
"We make new memories," Sebastian said. Forcing a smile for Joseph's sake, he brought his arm upwards from Joseph's back, to wrap around his shoulders.  "To make up for all the bad ones."  
  
Joseph acknowledged him, the barest of smiles tugging at the curve of his full lips.  
  
"But for now... we should get some sleep."  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
With a squeeze of Joseph's upper arm, he was resting against his shoulder again. It didn't take long for his partner's eyes to close, his head slumping further against Sebastian as he held onto him.  
  
Though he focused on the light pouring forth from the lantern, determined to remain awake and alert for his own peace of mind, the warmth of Joseph curled up beside him, coupled with the sound of his steady breathing, was lulling Sebastian, tempting him to sleep. His eyelids fluttered, trying with all his might to fight it... but it was to no avail. For once, there were no nightmares when Sebastian closed his eyes, and as he drifted off, he dreamed that the couch was a rowboat lost at sea, and that lantern was a beacon... leading the two of them to shore, and the safety that would surely follow.

* * *

  
  
Sebastian wasn't sure what woke him, the rays of sunlight peeking through the blinds, eager to share their desire to face the day brightly, or another warmth entirely as Joseph stirred.  
  
The first thing he noticed as his vision readjusted was his partner's weight on his lap. The second was that he still had an arm resting on Joseph. He must have repositioned some time during the night, as Joseph's head was resting against Sebastian's thigh, knees bent, and curled up on top of him.

  
  
Gently relinquishing his hold on the other man, Sebastian retreated his arms to raise them above his head in a dramatic stretch, yawning. Joseph didn't move, or utter a sound, staring up at him. He wondered if he was having a hard time getting himself to function again, too. Some coffee might help.  
  
 Sebastian squinted one eye groggily, shifting a bit, but unable to move due to Joseph's weight against him.  
  
"Good morning," Joseph mumbled.  
  
"Mornin'." He offered a dozy smile. "Uh, do you mind? I have to piss."  
  
"Oh, sure."  
  
Resting on top of him only momentarily, Joseph shifted to the other end of the couch. The blanket went with him, and he pulled it over himself, seemingly embarrassed in the full light of day that he was in his underwear. He had always been the modest type.  
  
Sebastian moved to sit at the edge of the sofa for a moment, glancing over to his disheveled partner. Though daylight provided a much less unnerving environment, the world no longer enveloped in suffocating darkness, he still worried for him. It was nothing to simply brush off, and while he didn't want to be obnoxious or overbearing, Sebastian intended to keep an eye on him.  
  
"You sleep okay?" he gently pried.  
  
"Yeah," Joseph nodded, though he wasn't quite looking at him. He ran his fingers through his mussed-up hair, a rare state to see the other man in. "You?"  
  
An arm reached to scratch at the back of his head. "Yeah, I slept fine. You know, besides being a little crowded."  
  
Though he smirked, he had to admit it had seemed an awfully long time since he fell asleep on the couch with someone... and woke up beside them.  
  
Joseph appeared ready to open his mouth, probably about to utter another unnecessary apology, but the words died on his lips. Sebastian leaned to pat Joseph on the shoulder, before rising quickly to stand near the couch for a moment.  
  
"Hey, as long as you feel better. That's what matters."  
  
Though he still seemed exhausted, he could admit that Joseph looked less bloodless than he had during the night. It was something, even if it was a small testament to a state of improvement.  
  
With a slight stumble around the coffee table, his limbs not quite fully operational, Sebastian headed towards the bathroom to relieve himself. When he returned to the living room, only slightly more awake, Joseph was standing with his backside facing him, slipping back into his dress pants. Once his belt was buckled, and his sleeveless undershirt was tucked in, Joseph leaned over the coffee table to retrieve his glasses, and put them back on. Instantly, he had an aura of normalcy about him. When Joseph reached for his dress shirt, pulling it on, Sebastian quirked an eyebrow, unable to help himself.  
   
"It's my apartment, Oda, not a funeral home."  
  
"What?" Joseph turned to face him, apparently hot having noticed that Sebastian was watching him.  
  
"You should make yourself comfortable. Wanna borrow a shirt?"  
  
"I'm all right," Joseph said, and he hesitantly allowed the rest of his folded-up clothes to remain upon the table. He opted for leaving his dress shirt unbuttoned, at least. "Do you mind if I make some coffee?"  
  
"Be my guest." Sebastian gestured towards the kitchen with a lazy flourish of his hand.  
  
While Sebastian had been long-banned from utilizing Joseph's pristine kitchen after a couple of mishaps, he wasn't bothered in the slightest that Joseph wanted to make himself at home. Joseph knew his way around his place by now, and whatever was in his cupboards or refrigerator was fair game. _Mi casa es su casa_. Besides, coffee always tasted better when someone else brewed it. It always seemed to be that way around the office, at least. Or on days when Myra had gotten up before him... sometimes, he'd even be able to steal a few kisses before Lily woke up, pinning her between the counter and his sturdy form.  
  
 Sebastian willed the nostalgia away, his eyes misting over, as Joseph offered a weary smile and moved past him to make his way into the kitchen.  
  
Expression gone blank again, Sebastian plopped back down on the couch, not bothering to change out of his sleep pants. Sebastian flipped the box of lemon bars open, to take one of the last ones as he simultaneously grabbed the remote and flicked on the television.  
  
The footage on the screen was rife with familiar images, and unfortunately not of the fictional sort. There were no more cowboys or gunfights, transporting him to another era, with its own dramas and intricacies. He realized shortly after turning it on, that Joseph must have changed channels the night before. He would normally find it entertaining, the way that Joseph had difficulty simply zoning out with a sitcom or old reruns, instead preferring something that was educational. Their differing television habits, however, were no source of poking fun as he sat there, the yellow confection paused at his lips. On the screen, the petite reporter was superimposed over images of KCPD, Beacon, and even Mere View Cemetery.  
  
_"... mysterious deaths of Oscar Connelly and Doctor Marcelo Jimenez are still being looked into. Authorities are left puzzled, as there were no external wounds visible on either of the bodies. The autopsy reports reveal that--"_  
  
Setting the food back into the box, his stomach churning, Sebastian's amber eyes were glued to the television screen. Out of his peripheral vision, he could see Joseph's figure as he returned from the kitchen, and he didn't look at him until he was hesitantly seated beside him.  
  
"Seb, are you all right?" From within the kitchen, the slow brew of the coffee could be heard, a subtle boiling noise.  
  
"Can't they just fucking leave him be?" Sebastian gestured towards the television, his voice raised, as Joseph spared a quick glance at it.  
  
"Maybe we should watch something else," Joseph suggested warily. "You know how the news is."  
  
"They don't even know the truth."  
  
"Do any of us, really?"  
  
Though Joseph may not have known what transpired when the ambulance crashed in the hellish pit of Ruvik's mind, Sebastian _did_. He felt it through his core, a gut-wrenching guilt that kept threatening to eat him from the inside out, like maggots. He could potentially be the only one in the world, besides Connelly himself, who knew what really happened to him... and being six feet underground, he wasn't about to start talking any time soon.  
  
His attention was diverted fully to his partner, who was waiting patiently, intently... those inquisitive eyes focused on him, and Sebastian made the decision before he could think it over too much, or talk himself out of it.  
  
"Joseph... there's... something I need to tell you." Sebastian leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. A sharp inhale made him feel dizzied, like the world was spinning around him.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Connelly didn't just die in that place. I..." Sebastian swallowed hard, but the raw emotion overwhelmed him. Hand balled into a fist, he pounded it against his own thigh. " _Fuck_. It's my fault."  
  
Joseph's hand hovered, looking as if he wished to reach out and touch him, but he hesitated, as he always did.  
  
"You can't blame yourself. I know that things have been... _difficult_ , but this had nothing to do with you."  
  
Sebastian wondered what Joseph's verdict on the situation was. Likely going the psychological route, something about how he was only lambasting himself, just like he had for Lily's death, and for Myra's disappearance. He'd heard it time and time again, that it was misplacement, and unfair to hold such a weight in his heart. But this was _different_. God, so much different...  
  
He'd had life taken from him, and he'd done precisely the same. A family was in shambles because of _him_.  
  
"I didn't think it would be real. I didn't know what to do, and I just reacted. It's my fucking fault, because I--" Sebastian couldn't bring himself to say it, but it haunted him as he trailed off, fist trembling from being curled so tightly. He could still see it, the light leaving Connelly's eyes, could hear the weight of his corpse hitting the ground. _I killed him. I fucking murdered him._ When Sebastian found his voice again, the words were caught in a chokehold before they were released. "Nobody knows," he said hoarsely, "but I couldn't keep it from you."  
  
He dared to look at Joseph, who had his palm cupped over his mouth. He'd seen that measured expression before, often when Joseph was withholding any commentary or judgment, to gather his wits. As Joseph stared, obviously mulling things over, he couldn't even begin to imagine what he was thinking. What terrified him most, was that Sebastian couldn't _tell_ , and he wasn't sure if he wanted to, because the last thing he could handle right now was scaring his partner away.  
  
"Jesus, Seb..." Joseph said, in a whispered tone. He pulled his hand away from his face, and for a moment, it seemed all that he could manage. "I mean, you couldn't have known..."  
  
"Maybe not, but he deserved better," Sebastian said, "and you know what the worst part is? I didn't think twice. " He turned to face Joseph fully, his voice trembling. "But I thought twice for you."  
  
Horrific memories were jumbled in his brain, of Joseph's handsome visage transforming into something monstrous, and he remembered how it felt. He could still feel it, Joseph's hands around his neck, attempting to squeeze the life out of him with every ounce of energy he had. But even as he'd started into those devastated, bloodshot eyes... so far from Joseph's genial stare, Sebastian knew that he couldn't hurt him. By god, Joseph could have strangled him to death, and he wouldn't have had it in him to fight back... and definitely not allow anything to harm him, least of all, himself.  
  
Joseph didn't look away, pinched features softening, even as an uncomfortable silence lingered... and he thought that they seemed terribly close on the couch again. Unable to look him in the eye, his gaze wandered to Joseph's throat, watching his Adam's apple shift as he swallowed... then upwards to his full, parted, lips, and--  
  
Sebastian was vaguely aware of a hand upon his upper arm, startled by the touch, and Joseph's lips were against his, soft and warm, without warning, and without hesitation. Eyes wide open, the frame of Joseph's glasses was hard, pressed against Sebastian's cheek as their noses touched, and it felt as if every muscle in his body tensed. After a moment, he closed his eyes, thoughts racing with confusion, bewilderment, disorientation... but there was a pleasantness there too, and though he was stunned, Sebastian managed to reciprocate briefly, his own mouth opening to feel Joseph's hot breath mingling with his own.  
  
His mind reeled, and body relaxed, hardly able to register what was happening before Joseph pulled away. Faces still close, Sebastian searched Joseph's features, hoping to find an answer there, but instead, there was terror in his eyes, and an unspoken apology on his lips.  
  
"Joseph, I--"  
  
As he said his name, the warmth that spread through his limbs was entirely unexpected.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Seb." That wide-eyed expression looked haunted, his apology barely audible. In an instant, Joseph rose from the couch, frantically leaning over the coffee table to grab his pile of clothes. In one scoop, the items were gathered up in his arms, and Sebastian felt numb as Joseph made his way towards the door, already kneeling low to slip his shoes on.  
  
"Joseph... _fuck_ , wait a minute--" He joined him quickly, moving towards the door near the other side of the couch. Sebastian stood near him, at a loss.  
  
"I need to go," Joseph insisted, and he got the distinct impression that he was measuring his words again. When he was again standing, Joseph was glancing anywhere but Sebastian's face. "The coffee should be ready."  
  
Though he could have reached for him, forced him to stay, Sebastian was too wrapped up in his own guilt to stop him. Only one thought resounded, over and over again, and he was drowning in self-loathing for it. _I shouldn't have told him._  
  
He smoothed his fingers through his unruly hair as he numbly watched Joseph go, a retreating shadow through the blinds after the door thudded to a close. The waft of freshly brewed coffee from the kitchen was no comfort to him as he stood there, utterly alone. His frustration mounting, Sebastian focused his aggression on the coffee table, another unwilling victim as a broad sweep of his arm sent the items upon it scattering.  
  
"Fuck!"  
  
In the aftermath, Sebastian ran his hands over his face as his chest heaved, his fingertips brushing against his own lips as images of Joseph flooded his thoughts. Mind swimming as he took a few moments, he forlornly regarded the mess he'd just made, already regretting his outburst. The lantern lay upon the floor, its light extinguished from the fall... and beside it was his box from the diner, his revolver, the tv remote, and Myra's letter. Sebastian winced. With a huff, he bent low to retrieve the envelope, followed by the lantern, a sense of emptiness surfacing amid a wave of other emotions that he'd rather not acknowledge.  
  
Daring to switch the lantern back on as he held it in his grasp, the letter tucked beneath one arm, Sebastian found that the light was out for good. It wouldn't come back, even after a couple of desperate tries. A frown etched deep lines into his haggard features as Sebastian settled down again upon the empty couch, feeling like he was drifting again, and all sense of placidity seemed but a distant dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will these two boys ever work it out? Find out in chapter 7! ;) Thank you so much for reading! ♥ I read every single one of your comments, and they mean the world to me, so they are always greatly appreciated!


	7. Unavoidable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Joseph giving him the cold shoulder, Sebastian can't take it any more... and things start warming up between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has officially given this fic an "M" rating for sexual content! So, please be aware of that. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy! My apologies for the wait! 
> 
> Chapter artwork commissioned from the lovely ynna-anny! Please check out their tumblr! ynna-anny.tumblr.com
> 
> Music for this chapter:  
> Many Lives by Andrew Belle  
> Things I Didn't Say by Adam Lambert

**_April 2013_**  
  
_Found this thing while I was going through some files. Had to brush the dust off it. It's been months since I last wrote, but I figured it couldn't hurt. Well, not as much as these memories, anyway..._  
  
_I haven't heard from Joseph much these last couple of days. He's been avoiding me. He'll answer my texts but his replies are brief. I want to give him his space but I'm also tempted to check in on him. I feel like I'm in a catch 22, damned if I do and damned if I don't._  
  
_Mostly I'm just worried about him. That, and these walls don't make great conversation._  
  
_But I'll make this right, somehow. I have to. Even if I have to break his goddamned door down._  
  
Sebastian sat in his home office, scratching at the stubble at his jawline, which was soon to be a beard if he didn't shave. His opposite hand tapped an anxious rhythm with the pen against his desk, staring down at the words he'd just scribbled down. He felt stupid sometimes, small and childish, writing down his inner thoughts in his journal after he'd neglected to for so long. Still, he had found it to be an effective coping mechanism in the past. "Write it down and get it out." Besides, it wasn't as if anyone else was listening.  
  
There was a time when a night or two without Joseph hanging around was a blessing, an opportunity to finish some case work, or investigate further into Myra's disappearance.  The man had a way of breathing down his neck, even if it was in the most concerned and kind manner possible. Sebastian remembered how it felt during those times... the frustration at wanting to work out his problems on his own, and to not rely upon someone else, even if he felt like his world was tearing apart at the seams.  
  
Joseph was the only one who had ever taken interest in sewing him back together.  
  
 The silence was suffocating him. Though he was loathe to admit it, being given the cold shoulder without a single utterance was a deeply personal offense. Myra had done the same, had given him every excuse in the book after Lily's death... and they'd eventually faded away, slipped slowly into their own separate habits and lives, until they were just strangers living in a single household. In the blink of an eye, one day, she was gone, leaving him wondering if it was something he'd done, or something he could have fixed.  
  
Sometimes a dark voice at the back of his mind would remind him that he'd probably never find out... but he quashed it just as quickly as it came, and remained persistent. Sebastian couldn't fathom allowing something like that to happen to Joseph, and he'd be damned if he negligently _let_ it happen.  
  
Fueled by his grim thoughts, Sebastian got up from his seat with a groan, the chair, as well as his knees, creaking in protest as he did so.  
  
Before he headed out, he snatched that slowly-deflating cluster of balloons that he'd bought for Joseph, which had taunted him for days. They were no longer perky and taut on their strings, now hovering at half-mast. Every time he entered or left the apartment, they'd sway forlornly from their spot in the kitchen, as if to remind him of his failure towards his partner.  
  
The chilled springtime air didn't faze him as he exited through his front door, even though he was without a coat. He still had one of his favorite flannels on, the sleeves rolled up. Getting into his car, Sebastian hardly saw the dreary Krimson scenery as he drove across town to Joseph's place. He was too lost, consumed by his own thoughts to care much about what the rest of the world had to offer. As far as he was concerned, it didn't matter if it even existed. All he wanted was to set things straight again.  
  
When he arrived, staring up at that glass-windowed building once he had parked and gotten out of the car, the balloons floating idly in the slight breeze, he couldn't help but pinpoint Joseph's balcony. He knew precisely which room it was... and he saw that the blinds were closed. With his spare key pocketed, and that obnoxiously-colorful cluster of balloons once again in tow, Sebastian made his way inside and took the elevator up to Joseph's floor. He was briefly reminded of how he'd been at the hospital, in precisely the same position, just a few days prior as he yanked the uncooperative gift inside with him. Already, so much had seemed to change since then... hope turning into more despair, and the world growing darker.  
  
When the elevator let him go free, the walk down the hallway that led to his apartment made him still feel like he was on death row. He couldn't recall the last time his mouth had felt so dry, for a reason that didn't involve being thirsty.  
  
Bracing himself, Sebastian knocked, his knuckles rapping loudly against the door.  
  
Several long moments passed, in which his heart was pounding in his ears. At last, the doorknob moved, and opening the door a crack, Joseph's bespectacled face appeared.  
  
He didn't look pleased to see him, but Sebastian attempted to maintain a neutral expression.  
  
"Sebastian?" The man gave a sigh, which he could read as frustration. "I thought I told you I'd be fine."  
  
"Well, you weren't answering my calls, so what choice did I have?"  
  
Joseph went silent, crossing his arms and glancing off to the side rather than meeting Sebastian's gaze.  
  
"Can I come in?" Sebastian pried when Joseph didn't speak, and nodded towards his forlornly-hovering balloons. "These are heavy."  
  
The deadpan sarcasm made Joseph scoff.  
  
"You usually invite yourself."  
  
"I'm trying to be polite," Sebastian grumbled. "Don't ruin it."  
  
Joseph stepped aside to allow him to enter, though he caught that familiar roll of his eyes behind his glasses. Once he was inside, Joseph shut the door behind them and palmed the lock. Sebastian took a moment to look him over, finding it odd to see him wearing khaki slacks and a deep blue sweater over a dress shirt, having grown used to seeing him in his black suit over the years. For dressing "casually", he still had a way of making a man feel dressed down.  
  
"Somehow I doubt that you're here for pleasantries and a cup of tea," Joseph noted, once Sebastian was in the kitchen. He could tell that the other man was studying him even as he set his get-well-soon balloons upon the kitchen table. He wasn't lying about the tea, as he could hear the kettle whining from its spot on the kitchen counter, and Joseph moved to take it off the burner and pour it into a tea pot. As he did so, he couldn't help but notice how those pants were hugging Joseph's backside. _Damn_.  
  
Caught off guard by his own careless eye-roving, Sebastian snapped himself out of it.  
  
"You're right," Sebastian said gruffly, as he bodily turned to face him. "I came here to know why you're ignoring me after everything that's happened."  
  
"Seb..."  
  
Joseph trailed off, his shoulders slumping, but he wasn't about to let him off the hook so easily. It reminded him of their younger years, as newly-acquainted partners on the force. It probably had something to do with the fact that Joseph's hair wasn't nearly as styled as it typically was, reminiscent of his floppy-haired days. The two were hardly harsh on each other since they'd settled into their comfortable routine, but back then, they'd had a lot of hurdles to overcome. Sebastian had given him a lot of lip, and Joseph would retaliate sharply. He had always admired that Joseph spoke his mind, even if it caused some tense moments between them. Joseph kept Sebastian grounded when he went a bit too far, and likewise, Sebastian made sure that Joseph didn't worry himself into a tizzy. The younger man had spark, so it was painful to see him throwing in the white towel, and the pained expression on Joseph's features made his tone soften a bit.  
  
"You're giving me the brush-off and I want to know why," Sebastian demanded, willing the old memories away.  
  
At that, Joseph crossed the room, looking particularly nervous as he distanced himself from him, like a caged animal. He stopped near his aquarium, staring at the colorful display as if an answer would form there. He looked both serene and torn, back-lit by the aquarium lights, his lips pouted even as he chewed on them. Sebastian found himself staring at him again, his mind wandering. As Sebastian inhaled deeply, attempting to keep his cool, the room was filled with only the bubbling, watery sounds of the fish tank. As he waited for an answer, he huffed out an impatient sigh that he couldn't prevent.  
  
"It's complicated," Joseph said, after another few moments.  
  
"Well, I've got time. So spit it out, Oda."  
  
"Listen, Sebastian," Joseph said quietly, as he finally looked up at him again, "if you came here to berate me..."  
  
Sebastian's palm was resting against the kitchen table, balled into a fist, his eyes trained downward. "I didn't, Joseph. I came here to say I'm sorry. I'm _fucking_ sorry... for everything."  
  
"What?"  
  
Sebastian attempted to let the sincerity flow forth without censoring himself, even as he met Joseph's gaze momentarily. He knew that he didn't hear it enough, and he owed Joseph a year's worth of apologies. Hell, maybe more. "I know I've been a shit partner, and I probably deserve you pushing away from me... but I just..."  
  
When Sebastian couldn't find the words to continue, he had a brief glimpse of what it would have been like to communicate with Myra in such a way. It choked him up more than he'd like to admit. He regretted not reaching out more... not striving harder to fix their broken marriage, not speaking his mind when all he truly wanted was for her to stay. He must have paused for longer than he'd expected, because Joseph's voice pried gently when he spoke again.  
  
"Sebastian... what is it?"  
  
His knuckles gave a hollow clunk against the table. "I just need to hear it. I need to know... if this is it. I can't do that again without knowing."  
  
"Jesus..." Joseph shook his head. "I'm not pushing away because of _you_ , Sebastian... it's because of _me_."  
  
"The fuck is that supposed to mean?" Though the words came out as a bit frustrated, Sebastian was giving Joseph every ounce of his attention. He studied his features, noticing how tired he looked, wondering if he'd even slept since he last visited.  
  
"What I did to you was unprofessional and uncalled for," Joseph said. "You deserve better than that."  
  
Though he had been attempting not to think about the other night, Sebastian couldn't deny that it had been on his mind, too. Though, he wasn't blaming Joseph for it. Again, his attention wandered to Joseph's lips, his body flushing in a way that made him feel hot under the collar. He didn't know how he felt about all of that, but Sebastian, at last, was compelled to move nearer to him... taking a few long, purposeful strides until they were face to face.  
  
"Joseph..." Sebastian said softly, with as much sincerity as he could muster, "you didn't _do_ anything."  
  
Joseph's lips were pursed before he spoke. "I didn't? Then what do you call it?"  
  
Sebastian gave a shrug of his broad shoulders. "I don't know. Just... don't worry about it, okay? We're all we've got now. So let's just try to stick together."  
  
Despite his reassurances, Joseph still looked downright forlorn.  
  
"It's not that easy, Seb. You deserve someone you can trust. And right now, I don't even trust myself."  
  
He turned away, but Sebastian took hold of his upper arm, gently tugging him close.  
  
"Well, I do. Isn't that enough? Otherwise I wouldn't be here right now."  
  
The phrase had double-meaning, one that he realized after the words slipped out. He was here at his doorstep, yes... but Sebastian was living and breathing due to his partner's faith in him, and his constant support even when he was intolerable. Perhaps trust wasn't the only reason he had driven halfway across town to see him. It was so much more than that... a feeling that he couldn't quite formulate into something tangible that he could express. Though he had looked off to the side, lost in thought, his gaze flickered back to Joseph's eyes, and he saw that Joseph was staring at him rather intently. He couldn't handle that look.  
  
Driven by inexplicable forces, a large hand cradled the back of Joseph's head as Sebastian leaned in to kiss him. He half-expected Joseph to push away again, but he didn't resist even when Sebastian urged him closer, their lips pressing together fiercely.  Sebastian's opposite palm found the slight curve of his trim waist, feeling the softness of his sweater, and he held Joseph close, as if letting him go would mean allowing him to slip away. Sebastian didn't think, didn't let himself get sabotaged by his own mental traps... of how strange this was, of how he'd never done something like this before, of how this was his partner he was wanting to be closer to. If he thought too much, he might ruin it.  
  
So, he let his body do the talking.

  
  
Breaking their lip-lock briefly with a warm palm at the center of Joseph's chest, their foreheads were pressed together, both of them breathing hard. Sebastian guided him backwards towards the sofa near his aquarium, until the back of Joseph's legs bumped against the armrest. Sebastian shoved him down fully over the side of the couch as the other man issued a gasp and went tumbling onto the plush leather. He took a moment to admire the sight of Joseph sprawled out on his back, legs parted, his glasses askew as he looked up at him with a mesh of confusion and awe. Sebastian joined him in an instant, guiding his knees further apart, and easing himself down on top of him to rest between his legs. The groan that issued from Joseph's full lips as his hips pressed down against him was incredible. With Joseph's head against the arm of the couch, Sebastian caressed the side of Joseph's face briefly, moving in to kiss him again, but Joseph had a hand to his shoulder, preventing him from going any further.  
  
"Seb, is this... all right? I mean—"  
  
"Yeah," he nodded, "yeah, I want this."  
  
It was the simplest way to put it. There was no way of expressing how goddamned _right_ this felt, but Joseph's response of a weary smile was all the reassurance he needed.  
  
 Sebastian reached upwards to pluck Joseph's glasses from the bridge of his nose, and then toss them onto the coffee table where the plastic clinked against the glass. Before Joseph could protest such rough treatment of his favorite spectacles, their mouths met hungrily once again, and Sebastian kissed him harder, his tongue slipping past his lips. Joseph responded eagerly, arms around Sebastian's neck, allowing him to explore the warmth of his mouth. Somehow, he tasted better than he had before, and Sebastian found himself wanting more of him. His hips worked mechanically with a long-dormant instinct, thrusting against Joseph with an undeniable friction even through their pants.  
  
Though Joseph's eyes were closed, Sebastian couldn't help but look at him. It was comforting to see him enjoying himself, not skittish or ill like he had been lately. He fed him moans and muffled cries of pleasure, his lips vibrating with Joseph's enjoyment. Sebastian had moved down to Joseph's smooth jawline, and was nipping and teasing, moving towards his neck, when Joseph made him pause again by squeezing his shoulder.  
  
"Seb! Could you...?"  
  
Joseph was breathless as he trailed off, barely able to utter the words. Somehow, he knew precisely what he wanted... and it wasn't for him to stop. Sebastian gave a grunt of acknowledgment, sitting up to balance on his knees as he cast a quick glance down to that quickly-growing bulge in Joseph's pants. The light material was already stained with a dark spot near his fly, and it almost made Sebastian blush. He made quick work of Joseph's belt, and his thumb and index finger took hold of the button of his pants. A moment later, and his fly was unzipped, both hands grasping either side of his pants as he pulled them down to his thighs, before he took them off fully to be cast upon the floor. Sebastian didn't even bother teasing him, his own aching need growing stronger by the moment. He quickly tugged Joseph's boxer-briefs off, relieving his straining member to leave him naked, save for his socks, from the waist down. It wasn't as if he'd never seen his dick before. All those times he'd chosen the urinal next to his partner, it was difficult not to peek once in a while.  
  
When Sebastian was about to move to unbutton his own pants, Joseph sat up, determination written upon his fair features as he made a grab for his belt. Their eyes met briefly, and Sebastian could tell that his hands were shaking, but he let Joseph do it for himself. He enjoyed the sight of him carefully unbuckling his belt more than he'd like to admit. When his jeans were undone, Joseph hesitated, but Sebastian gave a nod for him to continue. Another pause caused Joseph to gently ease Sebastian's pants down, along with his boxers, leaving them bunched around his knees. Good enough for him.    
  
Joseph was definitely staring at Sebastian's rather obvious arousal, his face flushed with a pinkish hue. He almost wondered what he was thinking, but felt it was probably better not to know.  
  
With a grunt and a lusty groan, Sebastian eased himself down again between Joseph's legs, bare hips meeting, surprised by how fucking _incredible_ it was to be pressed up against the other man in such an intimate way. Or another man at all. But, he didn't dwell on that...  
  
He couldn't prevent another low moan, his cock pulsing against Joseph's. Steadying himself as he gripped the back of the couch and the armrest, his muscular arms keeping his upper body raised, Sebastian started thrusting again. Slowly, deliberately, he took his time. The slickness of their fluids quickly created an easy gliding motion as he rubbed against him, hot and wet. Joseph held on tightly with an arm around his neck, moving with him as his features contorted in a way that Sebastian had never seen before. Though he'd seen him without his glasses plenty of times, probably more than anyone else had... there was an undeniable attractiveness there, knowing he was making him feel this good. Sebastian liked how his eyelids twitched, and his dark lashes fluttered. Joseph felt so warm and comfortable beneath him, and Sebastian was compelled to have him as close as he possibly could, but first things first.

  
  
He attempted not to tread dark territory as sweat began to bead upon his brow, moving his hips and concentrating on the sensation of Joseph's hardness against his own, but he honestly couldn't remember the last time he'd gotten off. It had definitely been a while, far longer than he was willing to admit. He and Myra hadn't had the best sex life after the fire, their beds as cold and distant as their separate desks at Krimson, and after a while, he didn't even bother to take care of himself, too consumed by his grief. His own pleasure, and subsequently the release, took the backburner.  
  
Thankfully, Joseph made it difficult to stay in those dark, mental crevices, making him remember that he was human, and that he had needs. Joseph was vocal, and though he could tell that he was attempting to hold his composure together as he often did, to put on an unaffected facade, it didn't last long. His partner seemed to be enjoying himself immensely. Sebastian found himself groaning along with him, the air punctuated by Joseph's gasps and pleasured cries. He was surprised by how loud Joseph was being. He'd never figured Joseph for the type, but his noises soon bounced wall-to-wall as he writhed beneath him, filling that open space of his apartment.  
  
A few more slow and deliberate thrusts, their stomachs already spattered with each others fluids, and Joseph didn't look like he could contain himself much longer. Though he knew it was crude, Sebastian couldn't help but wonder how long it'd been since the last time someone fucked him. Joseph hadn't introduced him to any lady friends in months, and he could only hope that he was well taken care of. He deserved it. If not from someone else, then at least for himself.  
  
Sebastian was surprised by how quickly Joseph came. He offered no warning, merely felt his smaller frame tensing, as one of his hands came to grasp at the back of Sebastian's head, unintentionally gripping a fistful of his hair. Sebastian hissed out a sharp breath of air, not expecting that at all. Joseph practically screamed out his name, and Sebastian watched his face intently, mouth opened wide in ecstasy, hair disheveled and eyes shut tight. Sebastian didn't stop, keeping up the rhythm until he was certain he'd given all he could as he clutched to him as if his life depended on it. The look on Joseph's face, let alone the fact that he'd just rubbed hard enough to get Joseph to cum all over himself, was more than enough to send Sebastian over the edge. His knuckles turned white as he gripped at the soft leather of Joseph's couch, finding his own blinding release and adding to the sticky mess they'd made, as a few choice curse words flew forth.  
  
With a satisfied sigh, Sebastian allowed his weight to gently rest on top of Joseph, his arms at last giving out. Sebastian relaxed with his head on Joseph's shoulder, the two men breathing hard, sweaty and half-naked, their dicks twitching in the aftermath.  
  
"Seb..." Joseph managed the words between gasps for air, his arms still wrapped around him. "That was..."  
  
Unable to help himself, Sebastian raised his head to better gauge his expression. He looked downright content. "Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah..." He hesitated a moment, before he let his fingers gently toy with the hair at the nape of Sebastian's neck. "Hey, do you think you can stay? Tonight, I mean."  
  
"Sure," Sebastian smiled. "I think I can do that."  
  
He laid his head back down, his mind swimming and his body buzzing with what this all meant, almost unable to take in what had just occurred. With a palm placed over Joseph's chest, he could feel his heart pounding at the same rhythm of his own heartbeat in his ears. He was half-asleep by the time Joseph spoke again, willing him back into a conscious state.  
  
"Oh, and Seb?"  
  
"Hrmm?"  
  
"Did you really use those balloons as an excuse to see me?"  
  
With a smirk, Sebastian almost found it difficult to lie, especially with that sleuth-worthy smile of his.  
  
"I'll plead the fifth on that one..."  
  
His lips flush to Joseph's, Sebastian moved to kiss him again, unaware of the fact that he'd soon doze off to the soothing sounds of the aquarium, as those get-well soon balloons seemed to finally serve their intended purpose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for being so kind and understanding about my health, and thank you for sticking around! As usual, your feedback and comments mean everything to me, and I truly love reading them. ♥


	8. Uncomfortable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian struggles to cope with his feelings, and things aren't quite what he and Joseph expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait, everyone. I hope your February is off to a great start! ♥
> 
> Chapter artwork drawn by my sweet darling Meiri! gotta-art-gotta-scream.tumblr.com!

  
Sebastian was vaguely aware of the warmth of a slighter body beneath him, feeling as if he had drifted off into an extremely pleasant, albeit unexpected, dream. He'd fully anticipated the familiar face of his spouse to appear, but when he opened his eyes, it wasn't the blonde-haired, blue-eyed visage he expected. Instead, his partner's smooth features blurred into focus.  
  
"Joseph," he mumbled, and on instinct, worried for his well-being.  "Everything all right?"  
  
His head was resting against Joseph's rather bony shoulder, their faces very close. Without his glasses on, he could see the slight creases lining the edges of Joseph's brown eyes. He'd never really noticed them before. As he shifted, he felt the undeniable sensation of Joseph's bare lower half against his own, and the recent memories flooded back. Unexpectedly, his face felt quite warm.  
  
"Maybe I should be asking you that," Joseph said, mouth quirking into a smile. God, he actually looked... _happy_. "You kind of passed out."  
  
"I didn't mean to doze off." He wondered how long he'd left Joseph there, immobilized with his weight on top of him, and furthermore why he hadn't said anything.  
  
"It's all right." Joseph's arm was still wrapped around his neck, and Sebastian could feel him lightly stroking his hair before he retreated his hand. He pretended not to notice, carefully balancing with his arms as he righted himself again, and propped on one arm, reached a hand back to pull his pants and underwear back up. He gave Joseph a strained smile, and with a grunt, he was soon standing, leaving Joseph sprawled half-naked on the couch.  
  
Sebastian ran his fingers through his disheveled hair, and tucked his flannel shirt back into his jeans. Always the modest one, Joseph slowly sat up, knees close together as his dress shirt perfectly covered him up. The white material, now wrinkled, fell just past his hips.

  
  
"God, what time is it?" Sebastian somehow managed to avert his eyes, though Joseph's full, bare thighs were distracting. He scratched at his jawline, his incoming beard rather itchy, as he glanced over at the glowing fish tank. Must be nice to just float around all day without worrying over anything. No wonder Joseph liked them, he needed a bit more carefree leisure in his life... a little more fresh air, and perhaps Joseph's earlier jest in the hospital had been partially true.  
  
He just hadn't expected to be the person he'd be getting laid with.  
  
"Just a little past five," Joseph said, pushing up his sleeve to regard his wristwatch. He leaned forward, still seated as he reached to recover his discarded wayfarers from the coffee table, and placed them back upon the bridge of his nose. After that, he retrieved his pants and underwear.  
  
It would have been dead-silent, if not for the bubbling of the aquarium's filter, and Sebastian gave him some privacy as the other man stood to slip his clothes back on.  
  
Both of them once again decent, there was an aura of discomfort that surrounded them, and Sebastian was the first to offer an uneasy smile. The potential consequences of what had just transpired couldn't help but run rampant through his brain. That was his partner he'd just fucked. He couldn't tell if Joseph was just as uncomfortable, or if he was simply responding to his own awkwardness, but regardless, he politely pushed the conversation forward, as he often did.  
  
"Are you hungry?" Joseph inquired, remaining near to the couch. "Do you want me to, ah... make you something?"  
  
"Isn't it usually the other way around?" Sebastian's attempt at a joke fell on deaf ears. "You know, wine and dine..."  
  
Joseph gave a nervous huff of a chuckle.  
  
"I'm good," Sebastian said with a grunt, and a clearing of his throat.  
  
_Fuck._  
  
With the way his stomach kept flipping every time he glanced at Joseph, he didn't have room to be hungry. They both stood, seemingly unsure of what to do, or where to stand, and Sebastian noticed that Joseph was staring towards the balcony windows. The blinds were still drawn, barely-perceptible slivers of daylight fighting their way through the cracks.  
  
"I should get to the dry-cleaner's and pick up my suit," Joseph said thoughtfully, after a few long moments. "You can stay here, if you'd like. I got that movie station recently."  
  
For a moment, Sebastian wondered why he'd gone to the dry cleaner's in the first place, before realizing that Connelly's funeral had soaked them both to the bone. There was sure to be a mud stain or two, given that dreary day. Sebastian's own suit was still in a crumpled heap in the corner of his bedroom, but Joseph was always careful and considerate about his belongings. He couldn't remember the last time he'd even had something specially-cleaned.  
  
Joseph was already reaching for the television remote, when Sebastian halted him with his words.  
  
"And leave you?" he scoffed. "Not a chance."  
  
With a pause, still half bent-over the coffee table, Joseph was fidgeting with the remote in his hands.  "Are you sure? I mean, it's only right down the street, and--"  
  
It was flattering, of course, that Joseph was trusting enough to leave him alone in his apartment. He knew he had a habit of making himself a little too at home, and Joseph was particular about his things. Back when they'd first been paired as partners, he knew that Joseph would have rather taken a bullet than leave him unattended in his completely immaculate apartment space.  
  
"Come on, I'll drive." Sebastian gestured with his hand, not wanting to linger. Right now, he couldn't fathom it. For the first time in his life, he felt like running... but having promised Joseph he'd stay the night, he knew that he couldn't go back on his word. At least it would be a good excuse to keep an eye on him, and make sure he'd be okay. What the rest of their evening entailed though, he couldn't guess. There was too much to think about. Too much to parse through.  
  
With little more than a nod, Joseph didn't make any more of a fuss, following Sebastian towards the entryway of his apartment. Sebastian waited as patiently as he could, while Joseph pulled his black jacket from the coat rack, and slipped into a trendy pair of sneakers. Even disheveled, and he still looked damned nice. He had no idea how he did it.  
  
In the elevator down to the parking garage, neither man spoke. Joseph would occasionally glance his way, and Sebastian could see his reflection in the shining metal walls, lips parted to speak, but no words coming forth.  
  
God, why did he have to live on the fifth floor? Elevators never seemed to go quickly enough, especially when you needed them to.  
  
The ding of the bell was an intense relief, as Sebastian pushed through the doorway first, with Joseph following slowly behind him through the lobby and out into the parking lot. At the push of a button, his keys fished from inside of his jean pocket, Sebastian unlocked his car. Joseph wordlessly got into the passenger's side, and Sebastian followed suit. This time, he remembered to fasten his seatbelt, to avoid another classic Oda look of disapproval, and with the key shoved into the ignition, they were on their way.  
  
Sebastian hadn't even given Joseph a second glance, too lost in thought and attempting to distinguish reality from the dream realm, until he remembered that he had no idea whether to turn left or right at the next street.  
  
"Which way is it?" he asked, attempting to keep his voice as even as possible.  
  
"Left up ahead, on Kennedy," Joseph said quietly.  
  
A grunt of acknowledgement was all that he gave, following Joseph's gentle direction. Sebastian didn't look at him. He turned at the next light and kept going, when Joseph's voice, softly-spoken, filled the small space of the car.  
  
"Listen, Sebastian... if things are uncomfortable..."  
  
"It's not uncomfortable, Joseph."  
  
"Then what is it?"  
  
Sebastian could only shrug, one hand casually upon the wheel. "I don't know what it is."  
  
"It's all right," Joseph said, "I mean, I know it's a lot to take in. It is for me, too. I just had no idea you liked--"  
  
"No idea I like _what?_ "  
  
"Well, you know..."  
  
Sebastian turned his head to fix Joseph with an intense stare, not realizing that the light up ahead through the nearest intersection had turned red. Joseph yelled a warning, and Sebastian looked ahead just in time to slam the breaks. His right arm extended outwards to catch Joseph's chest against his palm as the momentum jostled him forward in his seat. It was a maneuver borne from being a husband and father, always worrying for the safety of the passenger should things go awry. Couldn't have them flying through the windshield. Himself, on the other hand...  
  
A few people honked horns at the reckless display, but otherwise nothing came of it. Another close-call.  
  
"Fuck," Sebastian swore, mumbling a few more curses under his breath. He was supposed to be looking out for Joseph, not getting them into a collision. He'd just gotten him out of the hospital. Even though the car had stopped, his hand lingered against Joseph's chest, and he could feel his heart pounding at his fingertips. "You okay?"  
  
"Yeah... yeah, just fine, Seb."  
  
With a lingering glance at his startled partner, Sebastian retreated his hand.  
  
The remainder of the trip passed in strained silence, and Krimson Cleaners took shape up ahead. The car was parked parallel, right in front of the modest storefront. Sebastian remained seated, while he heard the click of Joseph's seatbelt.  
  
"You want me to come with?" Sebastian asked, out of sheer courtesy as he twisted the keys. He wasn't even sure how much Joseph had gotten out since he was discharged. He didn't want to come off as too overbearing, and at the same time, didn't want to clumsily neglect him if he wanted the company.  
  
"I think I can handle it," Joseph said, his tone a perfect mesh of sincerity, and scoffing offense.  
  
"All right."  
  
Joseph opened the door, their eyes meeting briefly before exiting the vehicle. Sebastian watched his figure disappear through the car window, even the short distance away from him making him feel uncomfortable. There was that word again...but it wasn't quite that, was it? It couldn't possibly describe the extent, couldn't accurately summarize what he was feeling. It was uncomfortable, certainly, but there was a positive aspect there, as well. One that Sebastian couldn't make sense of.  
  
With a frustrated sigh, his hand pounding roughly against the steering wheel, Sebastian reached over to the glove compartment and popped it open, pulling out his emergency box of cigarettes. He hadn't had a smoke since yesterday, and god, he needed it. Retrieving the spare lighter that accompanied the branded box, Sebastian held both items and got out of the car, the door slamming a bit harder than he'd intended. The sun was overlapped by grey clouds, and the late afternoon breeze sent an unexpected shiver racing down his spine. Eyes set skyward, he briefly lamented his missing trench coat.  
  
Leaning his backside against the car door, one leg crossed over the other, Sebastian brought the cigarette to his lips, and flicked the lighter with his thumb. The flame ignited as his prize was lit, and Sebastian returned the lighter to his pocket. He took a long drag, inhaling deeply before puffing out smoke. He watched the grey spirals expel from his parted lips, only adding to Krimson's polluted streets. Joseph may have lived in a luxurious apartment, but this side of town had really gone downhill in recent years. It had been a lot different when Joseph had first moved in. The sidewalks hadn't yet cracked, and there weren't security systems in every mom and pop shop's doorway.  
  
It was mostly a residential area, filled with apartment buildings, restaurants, and stores both self-owned and run by franchises.  Joseph's place was one of the newer developments, along with a couple of much older high-rises. The place was good for him, having grown up in Toronto and preferring the city skyline, and close enough to the Department for convenience, without being too close to the inner-city hovels. Sebastian knew that Joseph enjoyed it there... but the surroundings made him a bit uneasy. Things just weren't how they used to be.  
  
Huffing out smoke, Sebastian couldn't help but reminisce, just then, of the first time he'd stepped foot in Joseph's new place. He'd helped him move in, the two of them lugging boxes all afternoon, and Joseph ordered him takeout for his effort. The kitchen table hadn't been assembled yet, so they sat on the floor in the space of his living room, joking that they were having an authentic Japanese meal.  
  
Staring off into the distance as cars passed him down the bustling city street, a police car startled him out of his thoughts. The familiar black and white vehicle went screeching around the corner, lights flashing and siren blaring as pedestrians stopped to stare, and cars slowed down to clear the way.  
  
Behind him, he heard the bells on the door to the Cleaner's jingle, indicating that his partner had emerged. His cigarette still held between his index and middle fingers, he turned casually to face Joseph, their gazes meeting over the top of the bright red car.  
  
"Something wrong?" Joseph asked, his garment bag in hand as he regarded Sebastian inquisitively. He opened up the back door, to gently place his freshly-laundered suit on the hanger above the window.    
  
Sebastian shrugged, throwing his half-finished cigarette on the ground, and stamping it out with his shoe. "Looks that way. Think we should check it out?"  
  
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Joseph's brow had knitted in the sort of way that made him feel as if he'd asked something idiotic. Thankfully, he was used to it by now.  
  
"It'll only take a minute."  
  
They got in the car again, and Sebastian drove towards where the authorities had been headed. It was an odd sort of reality, to be tailing them, without having anything official to do with the scene. Sebastian could only hope that the tangled mess of legal matters was settled soon, so that he and Joseph could take up their rightful spaces at their desks again.  
  
A couple of blocks away, nearing the scene, Sebastian saw that it was a motel, as the police car stopped up ahead. It was the kind of place people stayed in to hook up, or if they needed to get lost for a while. It was easy enough to park across the street, and Sebastian got out of the car first, with Joseph reluctantly following after.  
  
There was practically a light-show of vehicles gathered between the two double-floored buildings that housed rooms. An ambulance and fire truck accompanied the police, and Sebastian thankfully didn't recognize the nearest officer, who stood guard near the chain-wire fence that surrounded the motel.  
  
Even from afar, as Sebastian neared, he could see two dark shapes upon the pavement, in the space between the two brick-walled buildings. It didn't take a detective to know that the lifeless mounds were two figures covered with tarps. The ground beneath the bodies was slick, and it wasn't from rainfall. The two men exchanged dubious glances, and Joseph uttered his name as he lingered by the car as if to prevent him from going any further, but Sebastian had never been very good at listening when he set his mind to something.  
  
With a presence that demanded respect, Sebastian confidently approached the nearby officer, who seemed to be on the lookout for any guests who were returning to their rooms for the evening. The man was definitely younger than Sebastian, hell, maybe even younger than Joseph... and though is arms were crossed in his blue uniform, he seemed anxious.  
  
"What happened here?" Sebastian asked, his tone strong.  
  
"Sir," the man waved a hand, turning his head to look at him. "We really can't have any onlookers, so unless you're staying at the motel, I have to kindly ask you to return to your vehicle--"  
  
"Detective Castellanos," Sebastian said, and smoothly pulled his wallet from within his jean pocket, to flash his identification. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Joseph looking on with disapproval. "And don't make me repeat myself."  
  
It wasn't quite recognition that passed over the officer's features as Sebastian pocketed the item, but he certainly looked apologetic.  
  
 "Oh, _damn_. I'm sorry, Detective. Got the call about an hour ago. Two guests just went... _crazy_ and started throttling each other. No idea of the motive, but it got pretty bloody in the end."  
  
"Any other information?"  
  
"We're checking into that, sir."  
  
The man's radio crackled, and Sebastian thought he heard a noise like static, but far more high-pitched. The cop raised a hand as he listened in, politely excusing himself before closing the fence and running off towards the gruesome scene.  
  
"God, this place has really gone to hell," Sebastian grumbled, to no one in particular. The fence felt like an impenetrable barrier... intent on keeping him away from the only thing that had kept him going the last few months. Getting to the bottom of things was his blood, his life's work, and without that, he felt useless. Being so close, and yet so distanced, had a way of impacting him painfully. He longed to be on the other side, in on the action.  
  
It took him a moment or two, as he stared ahead at the chaos, to realize that Joseph had placed a palm upon his back.  
  
"Seb?" His name was spoken as a whisper. "I'd like to leave. _Now_ , please."  
  
"Hey, you all right?" As Sebastian turned to face him, he saw how blanched Joseph looked.  
  
"Something doesn't feel right," he said, with a solemn shake of his head. "Didn't you hear the man? They went _crazy_."  
  
Sebastian offered a smile, figuring it couldn't possibly be related. "It's probably just a coincidence, Joseph. I promise, I won't let anything happen to--"  
  
Sebastian trailed off as Joseph gasped, followed by an agonized groan. He looked as if he were about to pass out, eyes rolling back into his head as he swayed where he stood, but Sebastian felt numb, even as he reached for him. The chain-wire fence caught him as Joseph leaned the weight of one hip against it, colorless fingers gripping through the holes for support.  
  
"Joseph!"  
  
Sebastian's palms were planted firmly upon his shoulders, wildly searching his partner's pallid features as the smaller man brought a hand to cup over the lower half of his face.  
  
Eyes wide with horror, and adrenaline rushing through his veins to make his heartbeat quicken, Sebastian watched as Joseph moved his hand away, and he saw the startlingly crimson stream dripping from his nose.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even my own girlfriend is mad about the ending of this chapter. Please don't hate me? Update coming soon!
> 
> Any feedback, comments, etc always make my day! ♥ Thank you for reading!


	9. Unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More mysteries surrounding Beacon present themselves, while Joseph and Sebastian continue to figure out where their relationship stands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back on the once-a-month update! But maybe there'll be two this month to fully make up for the holidays? We shall see ♥
> 
> Chapter artwork drawn by the amazing khanartist! Please check out more of their beautiful work at khanartist.tumblr.com! ♥

 

 

God, it couldn't be happening. _Not again_. Not here.  
  
Though Joseph was right in front of him, his bony shoulders as tangible as the crisp spring air filling his lungs, and the fear in his eyes as real as the fading sunlight, Sebastian's mind couldn't help but be filled with horrific echoes of Joseph screaming, or images of him coughing deep red spatters into his gloved palm. All before he...  
  
Sebastian shook his head. He couldn't let that happen again, not after Connelly.  
  
" _Shit_ ," he hadn't meant to swear, but internally, Sebastian felt panicked. "We have to get you to the hospital."  
  
His large hands squeezed, hoping to some higher power that it provided some sort of comfort. Joseph looked up at him, eyes wild, and his glasses reflected the red and blue lights of the nearby police cars. He'd seen that expression before.  
  
"No," Joseph shook his head. Blood continued to seep from one nostril, as he used the back of his hand to attempt to stanch the flow. It left bright smears on his pale hand. "No more hospitals..."  
  
" _Joseph_ ," Sebastian said his name as a sympathetic warning, "there's an ambulance right over there, I'm sure they'd be happy to help..."  
  
"This is no time to be a hypocrite." Joseph paused to cough a couple of times, making Sebastian's muscles tense as his fingers twitched, pressing into his shoulders. "Please, just... get me back to my place."  
  
Though he felt torn, Sebastian knew that he was right. There were plenty of times in which he was literally bleeding on the pavement, and Joseph had politely respected his wishes not to see a doctor. If it got bad enough, he'd have to drag him there, but so long as he was conscious and making decisions by his own free will, he'd respectfully listen.  
  
Joseph swayed again, issuing a slight groan, his head nodding forward as he leaned further into the fence. His dead weight caused it to give a metallic clank, and Sebastian grabbed him, pulled him close to his chest and held on tightly. With Joseph's cheek against Sebastian's shoulder, a hand came to rest at the back of his head, cradling him as he toyed with the soft hair at the nape of his neck, just as he'd done to him earlier. Sebastian's chest was swelling with guilt. Joseph had been sick all this time, and he felt as if he'd pushed him too damned far.  
  
On the other side of the fence, the police cars flashed, flickering with unanswered questions, and reflected in blood. Though Sebastian was curious as to what had occurred, Joseph's health was obviously the top priority. Besides, he already knew that Joseph was disappointed by flashing his ID, when he was officially on leave. The fact that he hadn't already been scolded by the younger man, and told to leave the premises, was just a testament to how unwell he was.  
  
"Come on," Sebastian said, after another moment of sharing his warmth. He pulled away slightly, palms still pressed upon his shoulders.  "Let's get you home."  
  
Sebastian kept an arm wrapped around Joseph's waist as he aided him across the street, and helped him into the passenger's side of his car. Closing the door behind him, Sebastian walked around the front to get back to the driver's side. As he seated himself, he glanced over at Joseph. His partner had lethargically pulled his seatbelt across his shoulders, before returning his attention to his bloody nose. Before he buckled his own seatbelt, Sebastian reached over to the glove compartment, leaning over Joseph for a moment, a warm palm upon his thigh, as he pulled out a blue paisley handkerchief.  
  
"Here," he said, using his index and middle fingers to hold it out in front of him, "use this."  
  
Joseph turned his head slightly, his brow wrinkling with a questioning stare. "But I'll ruin it."  
  
"It's okay. That's kinda what they're for." The corners of Sebastian's mouth twitched ever so slightly. He typically kept it around in case he had any mishaps, or greasy fingers resulting from either motor oil or fast food. Joseph was currently experiencing far more of an emergency.  
  
Hesitantly taking it from him, Joseph held the square piece of material, tipping his head forward slightly as he pinched at the bridge of his nose with his fingertips.  
  
 Sebastian kept his hand upon Joseph's leg for a moment as he gave him a light squeeze, regarding him concernedly. "You sure you'll be ok?"  
  
Though he could tell he was in pain, Joseph offered a wan smile. "My head just hurts, is all."  
  
"Do you think it's a migraine or something?" He let him go, his foot on the pedal and his hands on the wheel, intent on getting him to safety as quickly as possible. Though, he wasn't sure he knew the meaning of the word any more.  
  
"It could be," said Joseph, his voice sounding nasally through the handkerchief. "Though, I've never had them before."  
  
That was precisely what was concerning him, too many puzzle pieces struggling to fit together in a whirlwind of imagery, but of course, Sebastian couldn't voice such dark commentary. The last thing he needed was for Joseph to believe that something was wrong with him.  
  
"You've been through a lot," he said, opting for the more consoling route. "And you know, Myra used to get them, too."  
  
He knew the intense headaches were painful, and that his wife had been prescribed heavy medication for them. There were countless days in which Myra was exhausted after a long day, and ended up locking herself away in the bedroom so she could rest, while Sebastian looked after Lily. If nothing else, though, they were livable, with the right sort of treatment. Given the quality of medical care he'd received, he could only assume that if there was a more ominous underlying issue, the doctors would have caught it.  
  
"Yeah, I remember," said Joseph thoughtfully. His eyes looked a bit misty as he stared out the window, and he wondered if it was a mistake to speak about his wife, given the events of their day. Even uttering her name had given Sebastian a strange feeling of an overstepped boundary, and his mind flashed back to the soft aquarium glow reflecting upon Joseph's skin, and the way he'd writhed beneath him, panting and groaning.  
  
Sebastian kept his eyes fixed on the road ahead, even as his body flushed, and he drove at least 5 miles over the speed limit back to Joseph's apartment. The sky above turned grey as he navigated the cracked city streets, as thick clouds rolled in and smothered the remaining sunlight. It looked like rain again.  
  
When they arrived, Sebastian parked as close to the front of the apartment building as he could, and got out of the car first. The weight of rather large raindrops pelted against his bare forearms as he glanced up at the sky, the door slamming shut. Out of habit, Sebastian came around to the other side of the vehicle and opened the back door, easily retrieving Joseph's neatly-kept and freshly-cleaned suit, folding it carefully over one arm. Then, he opened the front one, too, making it a little easier on his partner.  
  
Their eyes met, and Joseph managed to unstrap himself with one hand, still clutching the handkerchief, now marred by deep red splotches. He slid out of the car, stumbling a bit, as Sebastian easily caught him by gripping his upper arm.  
  
"Hey, easy! You okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm good." Joseph straightened a bit. He caught that prideful expanding of his chest as he steadied himself with an inhale, and Sebastian let him go.  
  
The front lobby had a few residents ambling about, probably returning home from work or making last-minute errands before dinner time. The elevator, however, was empty as Sebastian pressed the glowing button and waited until Joseph stepped in, before following.  
  
The metallic doors enclosed them, and as usual, the elevator seemed to take its sweet time. It gave Sebastian a chance to take a good look at Joseph, and how goddamned tired he looked. He was sheet-white, save for the pinkish hue of his stained upper lip. Honestly, he wondered what he was thinking about, hoping that the grisly scene of the murders hadn't shaken him too badly. Joseph was tough, but given what they'd been through, there was no knowing what could trigger him. Sebastian made a solemn promise to himself, to protect Joseph from such things, at all costs. He'd strive to be more sensitive the next time around.  
  
Back on the fifth floor, they were soon at Joseph's apartment door once again, where he watched as he fumbled for his keys within his pocket. Sebastian noticed he was still gripping the handkerchief, as it stuck out of his pocket while he fished for them.  
  
A couple of residents approached, their eyes boring into the two men without shame. Sebastian wondered if it was recognition, and he glared at them, daring them to say anything as they passed wordlessly down the remainder of the hallway. Sebastian's attention was refocused to his partner, when he heard the clinking of metal against metal. As he looked downwards, he saw that Joseph's hand was trembling, the key scraping erratically along the edges of the lock, before it was inserted. Sebastian inhaled, but opted not to say anything.  
  
When they entered, Joseph moved to take the dry cleaning from him, and Sebastian hesitated.  
  
"Here, I've got it," Joseph reassured him. Sebastian closed the door behind them, taking care to palm the lock, as he regarded his partner skeptically.  
  
"You sure? I don't mind putting it away for you."  
  
"Only if you know your way through my wardrobe."  
  
Sebastian gave a good-natured shrug. "You got me there."  
  
Joseph took the garment bag from him, folding it over his arm. Sebastian wasn't quite sure what to do with himself as Joseph entered his bedroom, and closed the door. There was too much weighing down on his thoughts, like paper weights inside of his brain. He thought that Joseph might like something warm to drink, so he cleared the balloons that he'd got him off the kitchen table, now noticeably wilting. He then took the tea kettle from the top of the stove, filled it with water, and flicked on the burner. There had to be some answers in what Joseph had gone through. Joseph was kept in the hands of the enemy longer than he'd been,and maybe he had some clues... to his own condition, and Myra's disappearance.  
  
He found himself, of all things, staring at the fish tank again, as it was certainly the most captivating thing in the room. He wondered how they felt as they swam about aimlessly, pacing the same four walls. Did they feel warm and cared for, being enclosed in such a way, as someone watched over them?  Or did they long for freedom, discomforted by so much attention?  
  
When he returned some time later, Joseph was minus his jacket again, and Sebastian could tell that he'd washed up, as the bloodstains had disappeared from the lower half of his face. The bleeding seemed to have ceased, and that was good. Though he walked with a slower and more deliberate gait than usual, Joseph practically ignored Sebastian in favor of heading straight towards the refrigerator.  
  
"You have to be hungry," Joseph urged, moving to open the freezer, to check its contents. He seemed a bit startled when Sebastian moved between him and the half-opened door, pushing it shut with one hand.  
  
"Hey, you sit your ass down and rest. I'm making you some tea."  
  
As if on cue, the kettle whined for attention in the background, and this time, it was Sebastian's turn to jump. He normally wasn't so on edge.  
  
"See?" Brushing it off with a smile, he watched as Joseph hesitantly moved towards the kitchen table and settled himself there. Sebastian reached for the stove to shut the burner off. "Uh... where do you keep the tea bags?"  
  
"I don't use bags. Only loose tea."  
  
"Oh. Well, where's that?"  
  
"Second cupboard on the left. There's a tea-ball in the drawer. You just... fill it up. And dip it."  
  
There should have been a joke there, and Sebastian strained to contain it. Given the circumstances, it was far from appropriate.  
  
"You know... yeah, nevermind."  
  
Following Joseph's directions, Sebastian managed to locate the bag of loose tea leaves, as well as the odd utensil (which he had never seen before). It had been all Lipton and Nestea in his household. He grabbed a mug from the matching set kept in the cupboard, poured the water, and he could put two and two together with the rest. When he was satisfied that the cup of steaming liquid was looking vaguely tea-like as he obediently steeped the tea-ball and leaned against the counter, he thought something sweet might enhance the beverage. The sugar was in a shaker on the counter, right where he remembered it, and he produced a spoon.  
  
"Sugar? One scoop, right?"  
  
"You've still got it." That had Joseph smiling, at least, forced as it seemed.  
  
"Hey, I try to remember what my partner likes." Sebastian measured it out, being particularly careful that he didn't pour it in haphazardly, as he often did with his own drinks. When he was finished, he carried the mug over to the table, and set it in front of Joseph. "If that tastes like shit, I'll try again."  
  
Something resembling a chuckle was caught in Joseph's throat. "I'm sure it's fine. Thank you."

"You take anything for that headache yet?" he asked, prepared to go rummaging through his surely-organized medicine cabinet if he had to.

"Yeah, I took an aspirin."

"Good."  
  
Sebastian seated himself across from him, watching while Joseph put his hands on either side of the mug, drawing it nearer to him. He kept his fingers outstretched around it, fixating on its steaming contents, as if holding onto it or observing it intently would bring him some kind of warmth. The two of them went silent. The only sounds punctuating the air were the tick of the clock upon the wall, and that steady bubbling of the fish tank, and soon, rain could be heard pattering against the walls of the apartment, coming down a bit harder. Sebastian couldn't tell if it was due to the crime scene they'd witnessed, or of their earlier encounter that was making things so damned awkward.  
  
"Joseph... there's something I've been meaning to ask you, if that's all right."  
  
Until he spoke his name, Joseph hadn't glanced his way. "Sure, Seb."  
  
There weren't many ways of voicing it that didn't seem blunt, but Sebastian had never been a subtle sort of man. One hand flat upon the table, and the other resting on his own knee, Sebastian didn't hesitate longer than was necessary.  
  
"When you were... well, _taken_... did you see anything?"  
  
That ticking of the clock felt louder, suddenly, and he swore the aquarium might burst and drown him. He'd perhaps expected a more affected reaction, but Joseph merely took a pensive sip of his tea, those familiar wrinkles taking shape between his eyebrows as he looked up at him.    
  
"I don't remember much," he said quietly, but his voice was unwavering. "They kept me sedated most of the time. I remember the bath tubs, and the needles. Sometimes before I went under, I'd see a face. But nothing distinguishable. A lot of them wore masks."  
  
"Was anyone else there with you?" Sebastian moved to lean forward a bit, hoping that his closeness would encourage Joseph to reveal any more information that might help them parse through any of this. "Anyone we know?"  
  
Joseph's Adam's apple shifted as he swallowed hard. "Yeah... that boy. He was there, too."  
  
"Leslie?" Sebastian offered gently.  
  
"Yes, Leslie." Joseph nodded. "But something was... _wrong_ with him. It's all kind of hazy now, but he was able to fight off the drugs. It was like he'd... well..."  
  
As he trailed off, his gaze returned to his mug, his fingers clutching it more tightly. Sebastian paused for a few beats, expression creased with sympathy, listening to the skittering sounds of rainfall that made it seem downright torrential.  
  
"Like what, Joseph?"  
  
"Like he was changed. Almost... _possessed_."  
  
An involuntary shiver raced from his lower back and up between his shoulders as he shook it off. "What do you mean?"  
  
"We were being transported somewhere else," Joseph continued. "I don't know where... likely another facility. The only thing I remember is being in the back of an ambulance, watched over by a  nurse or scientist or... whatever they are."  
  
He took another sip of his tea, but he looked almost haunted as he carried on with the graphic tale, and Sebastian hung onto every word.  
  
"I can still hear him screaming. It was so loud, it felt like my head was going to cave in. I just wanted it to stop. The nurses tried to help him, but Leslie fought back... and the next thing I knew, the handler had pulled a gun in defense. They were shouting, pointing it between the two of us before they grabbed me and threw me to the ground. I can't be sure, but they seemed scared. The whole time, the van was swerving. I remember staring up at the gun, thinking it was the end, but then he pressed it under his jaw and pulled the trigger. There was... blood. _Everywhere_. That boy... Leslie, he was looking straight at him while he did it. As if he was... well, as if he made him do it."  
  
Joseph's deep-brown gaze, a bit watery, regarded him from across the table. "I know that must sound crazy."  
  
"No, it doesn't sound crazy, Joseph," Sebastian reassured him softly. His tone was the one he used when interviewing shaken victims, but with an added care that he reserved only for his parter. "Can you tell me what happened next?"  
  
"Well," he sighed, "when just the two of us were left, I thought for certain I was dead. The ambulance lurched as it finally crashed into a tree. I admit I was preoccupied with what had happened, because I didn't understand. _God_ , I still don't. Everyone else was dead. But... for some reason he just... let me go."  
  
"Did he... _Leslie_ , did he... say anything to you?"  
  
"No." Joseph physically looked like he might vomit. "I only took one look at him before I ran until I couldn't breathe. It was dark, and I had no idea where I was. The scenery was unfamiliar. I made it to the nearest road, and I must have fainted, because the next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital."  
  
The weight of Joseph's tale pervading the space between them, Sebastian knew full-well that what they'd been through was traumatic, the things they'd seen never quite pushed from the dark recesses of the mind... but he honestly had no idea until now just what his partner had been through in his three-day disappearance. He opened his mouth to speak, but found any condolences cold and sterile as they bounced around and formulated. So instead, he reached across the table to take Joseph's hand, still cold despite the fact that he'd been cupping his mug for warmth.  
  
"I'm sorry I wasn't there." It was all he could muster, as he squeezed his smaller hand. "But I'm just... glad to have you here."  
  
"Thanks, Seb." It was only the way he said his name that betrayed his exhaustion. Weary of the world. Sebastian knew the feeling all too well, but he'd never asked for Joseph to wallow along with him in his grief. He supposed they didn't have a choice.  
  
"I'm pretty tired," Joseph said, when Sebastian retreated his hand. "I think I'm going to turn in."  
  
It was early, but Sebastian couldn't blame him. Neither of them had slept well lately, and even on the force, there were occasional days when they turned in before sundown. Of course, those days had long-passed for himself since Lily had been born. He considered that it might be nice to watch some tv while Joseph slept. He'd promised to stay, after all, and the least he could do was keep a watchful eye if he was spooked.  
  
 "Spare blankets still in the closet, right?" he asked. Joseph's plush leather couch was practically a second-home. He'd crashed there plenty of times throughout the years, mostly when he was too hung over to make it back to his place, but there were a few occasions in which they'd stayed up well into the early morning hours, up to their ears in casework.  
  
Though he'd been content with sipping at his tea, Joseph paused momentarily, his fingertips tapping against the sides of the ceramic cup.  
  
"Oh... actually, I... was wondering if you'd like to join me."  
  
Well, that was an invitation if he'd ever heard one.  
  
A dark eyebrow rose. "You're sure?"  
  
"I mean, as long as that's--"  
  
"Yeah," Sebastian said, cutting him off to save him the fumbling. He was already bright red, and he was almost afraid he'd suffer from another nosebleed with how quickly his face flushed with blood. "That's fine, Joseph."  
  
The flustered expression that made Joseph's pale cheeks pink ended up making Sebastian warm up in turn. He waited patiently until Joseph took the last few sips of his tea, thankful that it hadn't tasted bad, and watched as Joseph stood and returned the empty cup to the sink.  
  
"After you." Sebastian rose from his own seat, not wanting to seem too forward by carrying on ahead of him.  
  
 Following him into his bedroom felt a bit strange, knowing that the area was typically off-limits. The place was immaculate, the bed neatly made like it was something out of a magazine, and only the barest adornment with everything perfectly arranged. Since he'd last been here, Joseph had placed a few of his hospital flowers out in the open, (noticing that he'd apparently discarded the more unfortunate looking arrangements). It was a splash of color against the neutral colors of his modern decor.

Over the years, he'd helped Joseph into bed a few times when he was injured, even going as far as to carry him there once... and he'd brought him some food or medicine, but otherwise, it was Joseph's private space. Hell, he'd never even seen Joseph's bathroom, only using the half-bath when he was visiting for extended periods of time. It didn't surprise him that Joseph liked having his own quarters. He was a closed-off person, and his living space, mysterious as it was, suited him well.  
  
Too deep in thought, Sebastian almost didn't realize that he was just standing there, near the center of the room, and that Joseph had been talking to him.  
  
"Seb?"  
  
"Hrm?"  
  
"I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm just going to wash up." His partner was regarding him a bit skeptically, but otherwise seemed calmer than he had earlier.  
  
"Oh, sure."  
  
He, himself, on the other hand, was feeling uncharacteristically antsy. Sebastian attempted to wait patiently as Joseph disappeared into his bathroom, hearing several noises indicative of Joseph's nighttime ritual. The toilet flushing, the sink running, and even the faint sound of his teeth being brushed. He wasn't sure what to do the entire time he waited, so he paced back and forth near the bed, only settling at the edge of it once he heard the doorknob being palmed.  
  
When Joseph was decent and all freshened up, he emerged wearing a baggy grey tee and dark purple sleep pants. But before he could properly comment on the dressed-down look, a rare sight indeed, Sebastian's gaze fell to the crook of Joseph's left elbow. A colorful set of bruises was only just beginning to heal, with splotches of blues and purples surrounded by the faintest hint of green.  
  
Unable to help himself, Sebastian took Joseph's arm once he was close enough, turning it slightly so he could better examine it. Definitely caused by an IV needle, but god, it looked awful, the punctures clearly noticeable along his vein. Joseph had always been prone to bruising, but this was something else.  
  
" _Damn it_ ," Sebastian cursed, gently smoothing his thumb over Joseph's inner-arm, just outside of the bruising, "you should sue those goddamned doctors."  
  
"I would, if I knew who they were." Joseph flinched only slightly as he touched him, his words sincere.  
  
It took him a few moments to understand what he was implying, and he thought back to the hospital, willing the images to come back to life. It had only been a couple of days, but it seemed like an eternity ago. Thinking back on it, he remembered how Joseph's IV had been placed in his right arm. That must have meant that the ugly marks were from Beacon.  
  
"Joseph, they _hurt_ you..." he huffed, letting his arm go, so that Joseph could switch off the lamp.  
  
"I'm fine, it looks worse than it feels."  
  
"Well, it looks like fuck. I swear to god, if I get my hands on them..."  
  
"Let's... just get to bed, okay?"  
  
With a wave of Joseph's hand, the conversation was over. Though his jaw was set, wondering what else they'd done to harm him, Sebastian caught Joseph's stare once more before he flicked the light off, catching the faint look of disappointment.  
  
The room now cast in darkness, Sebastian felt comfortable enough to unbutton his flannel and slip off his jeans, stripping down to his boxers and wife-beater, where he discarded his clothes next to the bed. He briefly thought back to all of the times he'd shamelessly gotten half-naked in front of his younger partner, but his confidence faltered this time around. This was different.  
  
Pulling the sheets back, Sebastian slipped under the covers, occupying the left side of the bed as he stared up at the ceiling. Joseph's bed was far more comfortable than his own, and he attempted to focus on that... its softness and overall quality, rather than the fact that Joseph was just inches away from him, so close he could feel his body heat. When he laid down, his back didn't even hurt, a testament to the fact that Joseph enjoyed nice things, far superior to anything in his possession.  
  
At the back of his mind, though, he couldn't help but wonder if this was entirely normal, but he convinced himself that there was nothing unusual about two men sharing a bed together... least of all, two men who'd been side-by-side for eight years.  
  
 It was eerily quiet for a long while, the rain not quite as hostile, but persistent... and as his eyes adjusted, he saw that Joseph was laying on his side, his back facing him. It wasn't until he felt a slight shaking movement that he spoke up again.  
  
"You all right over there, partner?"  
  
"I'm fine, Seb."  
  
"Hey, you can't bullshit a bullshitter. Come over here."  
  
With the slight shifting of blankets, Joseph sat up, and turned onto his opposite side, still being sure that there was some distance between them. Sebastian caught the glint of his eyes, no longer veiled by his glasses, even in the dim evening lighting that poured in from the balcony window.  
  
"I mean it. Come here," Sebastian said, with a bit more gentle force, as he moved an arm upwards to make room for him. Moments later and Joseph was curled against him, and he wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him in close. Joseph settled for resting his head against his shoulder, his shivering soon ceasing in his embrace.  
  
"Get some sleep, all right?" Sebastian said, turning his head and speaking the words against his forehead, hoping the words would inspire him. God knew he needed the rest.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
It was quiet for a few moments before Sebastian felt Joseph's hand hesitantly move to drape over his waist. Sebastian issued a low noise in his throat, not expecting him to want to be so intimate. His next words punctuated the silence in a quiet fashion, but they spoke loudly in his heart.  
  
"This is all I've wanted, you know."  
  
"What's that?" Sebastian asked, absentmindedly toying with the hem of Joseph's shirt, where his hand rested.  
  
"To be held by you."  
  
"Joseph..." Sebastian found himself uttering his name, shellshocked. A chuckle rumbled in his chest, unsure of how to even respond. "I think I've held you plenty. Like that time you got piss-drunk and fell asleep on me at the bar."  
  
"I wasn't _that_ drunk."  
  
"You were drunk off your ass," he teased, grinning at the fond memories of their younger years. "And you _still_ got more numbers than me that night, even unconscious."  
  
Joseph scoffed, and Sebastian could feel his warm breath exhaled against his face. "What a consolation."  
  
"Or what about when you had to get those rabies shots in the ass?"  
  
Sebastian began to laugh, as Joseph's hand reached to deliver an admonishing shove against his ribcage.  
  
"Hey! Don't bring that into this."  
  
"What? I sure as hell wouldn't have been holding anyone else's hand. "  
  
"And I _appreciate_ that." Even by Joseph's huffy tone, he could tell that he'd embarrassed him. "But that was all pretty platonic."  
  
As his mirth faded, along with the final rays of dying sunlight that crept through the shades, he noticed the downpour had ceased. Sebastian turned his head a bit, and Joseph was observing him in that keen way he always did, but it felt different, somehow. More meaningful. Less veiled. Though his tone was still playful, his intent was utterly serious.  
  
 "Are you saying this isn't platonic, Joseph?" His eyes were half-lidded as he stared at the other man in his arms.  
  
"I'd say it's a little past that," Joseph mused, his voice groggy, and he cuddled up closer, so that his head rested level with Sebastian's chin. "And maybe... we should keep it that way."  
  
Though it wasn't quite a kiss, Sebastian's lips were pressed to Joseph's forehead as he shifted, and he kept them there a few moments, enjoying the warmth of his skin as his breathing evened out.  
  
Maybe... just _maybe_ , he had a point, his words lingering in Sebastian's head long after Joseph had drifted off to sleep, and giving him something to consider until morning greeted them once again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rabies shots is actually a reference to more headcanons. I once wrote about an incident in which Joseph got bitten by a stray dog. Clearly, I live to see him suffer (and for Seb to get uncomfortably close to him). 
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading and sticking with me! As always, hearing from you absolutely makes my day! ♥


	10. Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian and Joseph spend some downtime together, with an unexpected outcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of things I can say, but for those of you who follow me on tumblr, you already know that I've had an incredibly tumultuous couple of months. I feel awful it's taken me so long to get you guys an update, as I've had some healing to do, but I hope you enjoy, regardless! I've had this chapter half-finished since I posted the last one, and I just took a really long break due to things being bad. There was a period of time where I felt that it might not be worth it any more, to continue this... but the truth is, I still want to write it, so I'm going to keep on going because I've loved writing this too much to stop. 
> 
> I've had "shower scene" in my story outline since I started this fic last year, hehe. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has reached out and supported me through a really tough time. You know who you are. This one's for you. ♥♥♥
> 
> EDIT 7/15/16: barasbu and juonart made some INCREDIBLE art for this chapter omg! Please support them on tumblr!  
> barasbu.tumblr.com  
> juonart.tumblr.com

Bright daylight beams implored his eyes to open, greeting Sebastian through the cracks in the blinds.  
  
Amber gaze taking in the scenery of Joseph's apartment, for once, Sebastian didn't awaken in confusion or a hungover stupor. He felt oddly well-rested, muscles not aching, and thoughts clear.  
  
Sebastian sat up in bed, rubbing the heaviness from his eyes, and his opposite hand, flat against the mattress, brushed against the warmth of Joseph's back. He turned his head to find his partner rolled onto his side, the sheets gripped with one fist and pulled tightly around his shoulders. The blankets were tucked beneath his chin in an effective cocoon, leaving Sebastian uncovered from the waist down. Only Joseph's dark head of hair was visible, the rest of him either concealed, or not visible from his side of the bed. He looked so peaceful, his breaths even and body still. Given how the prior day had played out, he was thankful that an early night could afford Joseph some sleep.  
  
God, how long had they slept, anyway?  
  
He peered past Joseph, leaning forward a bit to view the digital clock on the nightstand at a better angle. The red glow of the letters displayed the time clearly.  
  
_9:38am._  
  
Though it was tempting to lounge around for a while, Sebastian wasn't sure if it was a particularly good idea with Joseph curled up next to him, and he opted for quietly throwing his legs over the side of the bed, to stand up and fetch his clothes.  They were still discarded on the wood floor, right where he'd haphazardly tossed them before they'd retired for the evening. Joseph would probably be expecting a wakeup call, but instead, Sebastian did what he thought was in his best interest.  
  
He let him sleep.  
  
Jeans pulled back on, and t-shirt acquired, Sebastian's bare feet padded across the room as quietly as possible, towards the doorway, but it didn't prevent him from sneaking a lingering glance at Joseph's face while he slept. His mouth was slightly open, expression serene, and his usually-knitted brow relaxed.  
  
Before he could analyze the unpreventable smile that tugged at his own lips at the sight, Sebastian made it to the door, opening it and shutting it again as gently as possible. He just prayed Joseph wouldn't be startled if he woke up without Sebastian next to him, but he figured he was close enough to play damage control.  
  
Crossing the living area, towards the half-bathroom, Sebastian noted that Joseph's fish were particularly lively as he passed the aquarium. They swam back and forth, almost appearing to be engaged in an underwater chase as they followed each other around. It seemed more interesting than what they usually did, in any case.  
  
After Sebastian relieved himself, he was immediately distracted by a gurgle of his stomach. Always one to make himself at home, as he had for many years in Joseph's homestead, he opted for exploring the kitchen to see what he could find. Joseph typically always kept the essentials well-stocked. Sebastian had no difficulty locating a fresh loaf of multi-grain bread in its designated box upon the kitchen counter (not his favorite, but Joseph was always favoring healthy options), and some eggs stored neatly in the fridge. Other items took a bit more brainpower, as he had to recall where Joseph kept his cooking pans and utensils, but with a little searching, he was soon in business.  
  
Toaster switched on, and pan heating up, Sebastian cracked a couple of eggs and set to working on the first batch. He figured he'd make his own, first, in case Joseph slept a bit longer. He wouldn't want his food to go cold, and his partner deserved a warm meal. Scrambled eggs and toast wasn't his first choice, preferring some bacon or sausage to go along with them, but he knew that Joseph didn't keep such "artery-clogging" meats around.  
  
The kitchen wafted with the smell of crisp toast and fluffy eggs, triggering a mouth-watering response from Sebastian, as his stomach growled in response. His own food was done, and he took a couple of bites here and there, but then focused entirely on cooking, until he heard the light scuffle of footsteps sounding from the living room.  
  
"Hey, mornin', partner," Sebastian said, tone upbeat as he pivoted to regard Joseph.  
  
The other man looked groggy, but satisfyingly so, his movements and gait a bit slower and deliberate than usual. It was a surprise to see him still wearing his night clothes, his t-shirt and sleep pants, and he wondered if he always wandered around like that on his days off. Sebastian rarely witnessed the other man's morning rituals, only seeing him wearing pajamas when he'd randomly dropped by on a couple of occasions, or when Joseph was unwell. Typically, Joseph only emerged when he was fully dressed, donning his upscale business attire, and the vest and tie combination that was so customary of the other man. Like everything in his life, Joseph's wardrobe was neat and coordinated.  
  
Sebastian turned his attention back to the sizzling pan of eggs, attempting to hide his smirk.  
  
"I smelled something cooking," Joseph said, pausing near his aquarium. "I thought I might have been dreaming."  
  
"Not this time. Figured you might want some breakfast," Sebastian said, spatula in hand. "Though, if you slept any longer, it might have been lunch."  
  
It was a teasing remark, and thankfully Joseph translated it as such. They both knew by now that it was Joseph's favorite meal of the day, often ordering breakfast food for dinner when they enjoyed their frequent visits to their local diner. It didn't matter if it was 3am, or 2 in the afternoon... Joseph was passionate about most things he could pour syrup on. Sebastian only wished he could have made him something a bit fancier.  
  
"Hey, brunch exists for a reason, you know," Joseph played along, reaching for a canister that Sebastian recognized as fish food as he opened the hatch on the top of the tank and carefully measured it out. His partner's prized pets had to eat too, after all.  
  
"Same thing," Sebastian scoffed playfully. "Anyway, I know we didn't get to grab a proper dinner yesterday, so I thought I'd make up for it."  
  
What he really meant was 'I'm sorry I dragged you near a crime scene that made you freak out,' but he knew that Joseph was relatively forgiving.  
  
Once Joseph was finished sprinkling food into the aquarium, the fish bobbing at the top to stake claim on the floating pieces of food, he closed the lid and moved towards his instant coffee machine, on the other side of the kitchen. Sebastian had found it entertaining that Joseph had bought one of the snazzy appliances as soon as they'd hit shelves, always being more of a pot-brewing kind of man. He didn't understand the point if you couldn't hear it percolating. Joseph's excuse had always been that it was a waste to make an entire pot for himself, and ironically, Sebastian had been in the same boat for months, now. Easily brushing away the grim thoughts, not wanting to burn Joseph's eggs, Sebastian refocused himself.  
  
"You didn't have to go out of your way, you know," said Joseph, procuring an instant cup of coffee for himself as the machine spewed hot water. "You want a cup?"  
  
"Sure. And it's not really going out of my way. I wanted to." They exchanged glances, Joseph at the coffee machine and Sebastian in front of the stove, amber eyes meeting brown ones from across the kitchen.  
  
"Thanks, Seb."  
  
"Hey, don't thank me yet. Looks like you need to make another trip to the grocery store."  
  
He gestured towards the half a dozen eggs missing from the carton, and Joseph gave a light chuckle at the sight. Once their steaming cups of coffee were in order, Joseph brought them to the table and sat down.  
  
"Sunnyside up, right?" Sebastian switched off the stove, and easily slid the eggs onto the awaiting plate along with a couple pieces of buttered toast. He paced a few steps over towards the table, and set it down in front of Joseph.  
  
He seemed skeptical for only a moment before his features lit up. He half-expected him to adjust his glasses to get a better look. Sometimes he called it 'scientist mode,' when Joseph forgot social norms in favor of analyzing menial things, like someone's poor choice in attire, or food that was being shared with the office.  
  
 "That actually looks... really good."  
  
"You doubting my cooking skills, Oda?" An eyebrow raised, Sebastian retrieved his own plate, which included a heap of scrambled eggs, and sat across from him.  
  
"Well, if memory serves, the last time didn't turn out so well."  
  
"That doesn't count. I grew up on a farm, remember? If there's one thing I can make, it's eggs."  
  
"Right," Joseph said, with a shake of his head. "How could I forget?"  
  
The fact that Joseph had lived up north, in Toronto, and that Sebastian was raised down south had always been a bit of a joke between them. Two worlds colliding to form a single partnership.  
  
Sebastian watched Joseph intently for a while, only half paying attention to his own food as he sipped at his steaming cup of coffee. He was glad to see that his partner's appetite hadn't fully left him. When he got around to eating his own meal, he found himself poking at his scrambled eggs, pushing them around on the dish. It reminded him of his wife and daughter, and how it was their favored breakfast.  
  
He noticed that Joseph had his left arm resting against the table, an unusual habit for someone who had such proper table manners, and he caught sight of the ugly bruising at the crook of Joseph's arm again. Before he could prevent it, in between thoughtful mouthfuls, he found himself voicing his thoughts.  
  
"Hey, Joseph?"  
  
"Yeah, Seb?"  
  
Joseph was smiling at him from across the table, but the words slipped out, stubborn and stupid.  
  
"You... you didn't see any trace of Myra, did you? When you were... in that place?"  
  
His lips parted, Joseph paused to put his fork down, and shook his head.  
  
"No," he said softly. "No, I didn't. But you should know you'd be the first person I'd tell if I did."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
That silence returned, stifling once again, their meals nearly finished, but no longer touched. It was Joseph who spoke first,   moving to stand.  
  
"Thank you for cooking. You can leave the dishes in the sink, I'll clean them up later."  
  
"Hey, no problem."  
  
His gaze was already directed back towards the bedroom, almost seeming to close in on himself. _Damn_. He shouldn't have said anything.  
  
"Do you mind if I take a shower?" Joseph asked, pushing his seat back beneath the table, like he was a polite guest at a restaurant.  
  
Sebastian stood, too, scratching at the back of his head and his own disheveled hair. "I should probably... you know, head off soon."  
  
"Oh, of course." Joseph's smile was pulled taut. "Well, in that case, would you like to get dinner with me tomorrow night?"  
  
"Jesus, I just fed you, Joseph," Sebastian chuckled. "You want more already?"  
  
When Joseph didn't speak, looking anywhere but at Sebastian's features, he noticed the faint flush of pink to his partner's cheeks. That hadn't come out like he'd wanted at all.  
  
Clearing his throat, and hopefully the air along with it, Sebastian pushed through the aura of discomfort in the air, attempting to maintain an optimistic attitude for the other man. God knew, Joseph did it enough for him, his tune suddenly changed. "Yeah, of course. You know I won't say no to food."  
  
"Great. I'll... see you then."  
  
"Call if you need anything, okay?"  
  
The two men stood, neither of them budging, and Sebastian was the first to take a step towards the door. But before he arrived there, Joseph was suddenly in front of him, blocking his path. Without a single word said, Joseph's arms were around his waist, his head against his chest as he held onto him with all of his might, weakened as he was.  
  
A bit caught off guard, Sebastian was paralyzed where he stood. As his broad palm centered between Joseph's shoulder blades, he patted him on the back as he always did when they shared an embrace, but Sebastian was overcome with another feeling entirely.  
  
It started somewhere in his gut, tingling up into his chest with a warmth that spread through every limb, and eventually made his pants go tight. God, what the hell was wrong with him? He could do little more but stare down at Joseph's mess of black hair against his chest.  
  
When Joseph pulled away, Sebastian not having the heart to tear him away when he very clearly needed affection, he was looking up at him with glistening eyes.  
  
"Thanks, Seb."  
  
"For what?"  
  
" _Everything_."  
  
Sebastian found the thanks to be wholly unnecessary, as he didn't feel as if he was doing a particularly good job looking after him since he'd escaped from Beacon.  
  
"Seriously, don't mention it." Sebastian had his hands upon the familiar warmth of Joseph's forearms, squeezing gently. "You take care, all right, partner? Be back before you know it."  
  
"Yeah, see you soon, Seb."  
  
A few long strides carried him across the room, where he put on his shoes and left without another glance. The elevator down to ground level seemed to move in a strange universe, carrying him farther away from his partner in a haze.  
  
Reaching into the back pocket of his jeans to retrieve his phone, in case he received any calls, Sebastian stared at his own perplexed reflection in the elevator's metallic doors.  
  
Hands skimming and patting down both the sides of his pants, as well as his backside, he came up empty. His cell was nowhere to be found. As the elevator carried him to the bottom floor, Sebastian's mind blipped with the visual of removing his jeans the night before, and hopping into bed. Just like the photographic memory of a crime scene, Sebastian could only surmise that his phone had fallen out when he'd taken them off, probably still on Joseph's bedroom floor.  
  
If he'd left anything else, he could easily call up Joseph and have him bring it down, but that option was null in this case. He'd have to go back and get it for himself. He waited until the elevator stopped, and then hit the glowing button to Joseph's floor.  
  
His extra apartment key proving handy, Sebastian slipped inside again, glancing around to see that the dishes had moved from the table, but Joseph was nowhere in sight. The fish in the tank were in a post-meal frenzy, darting back and forth, and dodging in between the vibrant coral and aquatic plants that garnished their habitat.  
  
The door to Joseph's bedroom was cracked, he could see, and he knocked politely before entering, just in case. He'd never want to startle the younger man. When no answer was received, he pushed the door open lightly, and stepped inside. Again, Joseph was nowhere to be found, but upon further entrance, he could hear the soothing sound of the shower running. That was good, and it gave him an easy escape without bothering his partner.  
  
Coming around to the other side of the bed, Sebastian chuckled as he instantly located his fallen cell phone, and slipped it back into the pocket of his jeans. He was halfway across the room when he paused in front of the bathroom door, which had also been left ajar.  
  
What compelled him, he'd never know, but Sebastian found his footsteps moving farther away from the living room, and towards the bathroom instead. Upon entering, the air was thick, the steam seeping into his lungs as he inhaled the mildly fruity fragrance wafting from the shower.  
  
His attention couldn't help but wander to the shower itself, its glass walls fogged up. Even through the steam and droplets gathering upon the glass, Joseph's bare silhouette was apparent, his backside facing him.  
  
Amber eyes admired the slight definition of his shoulder blades, his trim waist, and the dips above his rear. Unable to help himself, Sebastian's wandering paused there. Damn, the man had quite the ass. Though he'd washed it from his memory, as the last time he'd seen the other man's rear had been years ago, now... it had definitely left an impression.  
  
Sebastian mechanically stripped off his clothes, leaving them in a pile on Joseph's bathroom floor. Amazingly, Joseph hadn't noticed him yet, the rush of water too loud, and his relaxation too immersive.  
  
Fully naked, Sebastian briefly debated how to approach this. Coming in close from behind was too forward. Saying his name felt too finite.  
  
Taking only a moment to decide as he slid open the glass door and stepped in, Sebastian did what any middle-aged man with a particular interest in derrieres would do.  
  
A large palm reached, connecting soundly with Joseph's ass, and issuing a wet slap that resounded smartly... like a friendly encounter in the KCPD showers.  
  
That certainly got his attention as Joseph spun around, at first looking frightened as if he were being attacked, but when his eyes took in Sebastian's naked form, he flushed from more than just the scalding water. Sebastian watched with amusement as Joseph folded his arms over his hips, politely concealing himself.  
  
"Sebastian!" He blurted his name, shrinking further into the stream, his back against the wall.  
  
"Figured I needed to take a shower, anyway." Sebastian moved in a bit closer, his boldness getting the better of him.  
  
"Uh... I... yeah, yeah of course."  
  
"You don't mind?"  
  
"No... I... _ah_ , no!"  
  
"Good."  
  
Joseph stepped aside, allowing room for the flow of water to cascade over Sebastian's muscular frame. The heat felt good, a little warmer than how he preferred his own showers, but he understood the need for Joseph to keep his body temperature steady when he was feeling so ill. His fingers ran through his brown hair, catching a couple of tangles, while Joseph merely watched.  
  
"Why did you come back?" the smaller man inquired, and Sebastian noticed a bit of sudsy shampoo near his ear, having interrupted his rinsing by invading his space.  
  
"Forgot my phone." Sebastian reached out a hand to wipe the soapy residue away from Joseph's temple, finding his palm lingering there. It still wasn't often that he saw Joseph without his glasses, the faint creases of tiredness beneath his eyes, and a darker discoloration there.  
  
"That seems a stretch, but"—"  
  
Fingers sliding effortlessly to the nape of Joseph's neck, Sebastian moved in for a wet kiss beneath the steady stream. When he pulled away, Joseph's cheeks were colored by a faint blush.  
  
"— but I'm not complaining," Joseph finished. "So... you thought it over?"  
  
Referring to their conversation the prior evening, Sebastian gave a broad-shouldered shrug, and a hint of a smile.  
  
"Yeah, maybe you're onto something."  
  
Palms upon Joseph's waist, Sebastian pulled him in closer, their hips touching as they groaned in unison, breathy and hot. It was obvious that they were both left hard and wanting, even after exhausting some of their energy the prior day. Just a taste simply wasn't enough.  
  
He held him there, determined to make the most of this.  
  
Sebastian's large hands dipped lower to grip Joseph's ass, finding it to be a lot softer than he'd expected. He moaned as he felt as Joseph nibbled on his bottom lip, and Sebastian responded by allowing his own tongue to explore Joseph's mouth. There was the minty hint of freshly-brushed teeth, and he kissed him deeply, enjoying the invigorating taste of him. He felt like a teenager again, making out in the shower as Joseph clung to him.

  
  
When Joseph broke their kiss, breathing hard, his palms were against the firmness of Sebastian's chest. Moving downwards, he trailed approvingly down his taut abdomen, down to the "V" of his hips, and a bit lower. It was there that Joseph's hands paused, looking uncertain for a moment as he locked eyes with Sebastian, and then swiftly bowed and knelt down before him. His heart suddenly thudding, even over the sound of the persistent rush of water, Sebastian was entranced by the sight of his partner kneeling there, his attractive features just inches away from his throbbing manhood.  
  
"What are you doing?" he asked, more to fill the void, than to actually inquire. His hair was wet and clinging across his eyes, and he wiped a few errant strands away.  
  
"I feel like it's only right to return the favor," Joseph said, in that matter-of-fact tone of his, like they were discussing case files.  
  
A flustered scoff escaped him. "I still got off, you know."  
  
"Yeah, but you deserve to feel good. Like how you made me feel."  
  
One palm finding the back of Sebastian's muscled thigh, and the fingers of his opposite hand curling around his shaft, Joseph anchored himself. Somehow, the will to argue completely escaped him. Sebastian's dick twitched as Joseph rubbed his nose against his straining member, lightly teasing him. His tongue flicked past his lips, gently licking, and knees buckling, Sebastian couldn't help but groan with satisfaction.  
  
"Do you like it?" Joseph asked, his brown eyes dilated as he looked up at him, dark strands of hair falling flat across his forehead.  
  
" _Y-yeah_..."  
  
That was all the encouragement Joseph needed to continue, tongue sliding to lap against his dripping tip. Sebastian was overwhelmed, the muscles in his abdomen tightening, and a palm reaching out to press against the glass of the shower door. God, he couldn't remember the last time Myra had sucked him off. After Lily was born, their bedroom antics had taken a backseat to their work and raising a child. It didn't diminish the fact that it was his favorite bedroom activity, however.  
  
Needless to say, it had been far from his thoughts, but he'd never had a good sense of self-control.  
  
Joseph wasted no time, opening his mouth to take Sebastian in. Seeing his partner's full lips enclose around him was an unexpected turn-on, almost unable to tear his gaze away, but the more he thought about it, the more he felt jumbled and confused. He closed his eyes instead, focusing on the sensations of Joseph's mouth against him, and trying not to overthink.  
  
"Oh, _shit_!"  
  
Down on his knees, Joseph was entirely focused, starting off slow with tender caresses of his tongue, and tantalizing licks, before increasing the pressure to rougher sucking. The noises that his partner elicited were driving him mad, the pristine detective suddenly making messy slurping sounds as he pleasured him. Unable to help himself, Sebastian's free hand gripped at the back of Joseph's head, fingers gripping a section of soaking, dark hair. As he tugged, Joseph moaned against his dick, and Sebastian could feel the vibration of his vocalizing against him, but he valiantly carried on.  
  
Joseph had always been particularly on-task, and he certainly had a stubborn streak. In this case, Sebastian wouldn't complain.  
  
Knees bent, and body straining, Sebastian already felt his lower half tingling with the telltale sign that he was close. Damned close. Unashamed, Sebastian blurted, his opposite hand slipping against the steam building up on the shower door  with a light squeak.    
  
"How the _fuck_ are you so good at that?"  
  
Joseph pulled away only momentarily, a slight " _pop_ " of fluids, before resuming his task. They made eye contact just long enough for Sebastian to quirk a brow.  
  
"Practice makes perfect."  
  
Wait... he'd...?  
  
 Before Sebastian could contemplate the meaning behind Joseph's words, his partner's grip tightened around his length, head bobbing as he allowed a deeper thrust into his mouth. There was a slight choking noise, followed by a cough, and Sebastian was about to ask if he was okay, when he felt that incredible pressure again, teeth grazing slightly against him. With a sharp inhale, followed by a lengthy groan, Sebastian lost himself in the moment, his hips thrusting instinctively against Joseph's face. Joseph was actually getting a bit rough, far more eager than anything his wife had ever done, and he could hardly wrap his mind around it. He'd never felt anything quite like that before. The suction was so intense, he could hardly see straight.  
  
Overwhelmed, Sebastian's vision went black momentarily, his thoughts dancing on the edge of release. He tried his best to hold out, to enjoy it a bit longer, but it was to no avail as Joseph swirled and lapped, licked and sucked. Sebastian didn't stand a chance.  
  
"Joseph, hey, that's _— FUCK_."  
  
Sebastian's head tilted backwards, cursing at the ceiling as convulsions wracked through him. Body feeling as if it were paralyzed before relaxing entirely, Sebastian came impressively into Joseph's mouth, struggling not to double over as his thigh muscles strained and his toes curled against the water that circled the drain.  
  
When Joseph pulled away, he swallowed audibly as he looked up at him. Sebastian untangled his fingers from Joseph's hair, cradling his palm against the back of his drenched head, at the nape of his neck. The smaller man was looking rather pleased with himself, his shallow breaths coming out in unison with Sebastian's heaving chest. Upon the curve of his chin, the gleam of his fluids lingered, not bothering to wipe them away.  
  
"That was... that was really something," was all Sebastian could manage. Joseph settled back on his haunches, still gazing up at him.  
  
"Hey, anything for my partner."  
  
Giving a tug of Joseph's elbow, effortlessly bringing him to his feet, Sebastian's arms encircled his waist, the steam enveloping their naked bodies as they held each other close.  
  
The words seeming to echo in the intimate space of the shower, Sebastian couldn't help but but pray that when he said the same to Joseph, it held the same sincerity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might have noticed there's no art for this chapter. I sincerely don't know if there will be again in the future, but thank you guys for reading and taking interest. 
> 
> Big plans for chapter 11, so I hope you'll keep reading! As always, hearing from you means so much to me! ♥


	11. Uncertain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian digs a bit deeper for answers regarding Myra's disappearance, and he and Joseph spend a night out on the town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I know my updates are slower than usual, but I wanted to again take a moment to thank everyone who has stood by me during the most difficult time in my life. Thank you to everyone who has supported me, spoken to me, left me reviews or offered kind words, given me gifts, and generally checked in. You all keep me going each and every day and are a huge inspiration. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ♥
> 
> This time around,my dear friends Fugeoni and Juonart have generously offered their talents to provide artwork for this chapter! Thank you both so much for your incredible work! It's been such an honor working with you. ♥  
> Please support them and show some love by checking out their tumblrs:  
> fugeoni666.tumblr.com  
> juonart.tumblr.com  
> 

_April 2013_  
  
_Only been away from Joseph for a few hours, but I keep thinking about him. No matter what I do, he keeps crossing my mind._  
  
_I thought I was just worrying at first, but things are complicated now. I don't know how to feel about this. I guess I shouldn't think about it too much, and whatever happens, I know he realizes I still love Myra._  
  
_It worries me what Joseph said about the mental hospital.... but the fact that he got out gives me hope for my wife being alive._  
  
_I can't give up now. I know she'd do the same for me._  
  
_I'll find her, no matter what._  
  
Leather book closed as he sat at the edge of his bed, Sebastian huffed out a sigh. Though he hadn't meant to linger, he'd ended up staying with Joseph for a good portion of the day before heading home again. He'd been hesitant to leave him, naturally, but he knew that Joseph could hold his own, and would contact him if he needed anything.  
  
He realized that it was also important for the two of them to have their own space, to face their inner demons on their own time.  
  
Sebastian was certainly facing his, and he had no intention of involving his ailing partner.  
  
Journal set aside, his bare feet were planted upon the floor as he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. Sebastian scratched at the thick growth of hair at his jawline, far past stubble now. He must have missed something... slipped his mind in the whirlwind of events preceding and following the Beacon incident.  
  
At the moment, he still couldn't figure out _what_. It seemed so close, yet so elusive, his churning thoughts keeping him up at night, while the nightmarish visions did the rest.  
  
A hand running through his freshly-washed hair, absent of its usual oils, Sebastian caught a waft that smelled distinctively like Joseph.  
  
_Damn_.  
  
He was surprised that it made him feel reinvigorated, a slight shiver tingling up his spine.  
  
Reaching over to switch the light off,  Sebastian paused from his perch at the edge of the bed, alert amber eyes glancing around. The darkened scene often felt desolate. As he slipped into bed, the sheets felt particularly cold and unwelcoming. The bedside lamp casting a faint glow as he stared at the ceiling, thoughts of _her_ resurfaced...  
  
It wasn't difficult to imagine Myra's feminine form beside him, that slight indent of her hips into the mattress as she slept. A wide palm reached, turning onto his side and sliding a hand from the pillow and downwards. Sometimes, on nights like this, he could relive scenes perfectly, could still feel the warmth of her body as they rested with the intimacy of shared breath and life experience. The place where she used to lie. The place where they'd made love... until one day, all was lost, and things were never quite the same.  
  
The distance was subtle at first, the two of them dealing in their own ways after the fire. But soon, Myra grew unattached, distant. The agonizing hurt of losing their daughter had affected them both in unspeakable ways, that much was true, and although Sebastian had tried to keep her in his arms, he'd never expected her to simply leave. The day she'd left him often played out, as he wandered around Krimson in search of his beloved, before crawling back to the station in a fit of loss and rage. What he never addressed, however, was the fear. The fear of never seeing her again, of never being able to express how he felt for her, of righting the wrongs he knew he'd made.  
   
It was a wound that reopened daily, never allowed enough time to heal.  
  
Perhaps he didn't want to let it close.  
  
Those tumultuous emotions swelling in his chest, watery gaze blurring, Sebastian was tempted to reach for his flask, conveniently kept at his bedside table, but instead, another memory, this time far more recent, surfaced in his brain.  
  
The warmth of his second partner, now in both senses of the word, overwhelmed his urge to wash those devastating reminders away.  
  
Joseph took shape in the empty space on the other half of the bed, his mild features painted in his mind. Void of his glasses, laugh-lines and slight crows-feet apparent, his smiling features regarded him. Those soft brown eyes, that slightly crooked nose. The way his lips felt against his own... how the softness of his body melded with the hard lines of his own.

It garnered a smile, before the guilt set in.  
  
Of all people, it shouldn't be Joseph's job to comfort him, not even as a vision. He'd done more than enough over the years, and he'd be damned if he was about to let the two of them get back into old habits. Joseph was his responsibility now, which was why he had to continue on his own.  
  
Still, though, as Sebastian drifted off, he found himself reaching out a hand and imagining it was Joseph's pale fingers curled beneath his own.

 

* * *

  
  
Morning, or rather the afternoon, came with its own lackluster presence, as Sebastian awoke and rolled over in bed. He couldn't recall any dreams, not even a nightmare, a blackout sleep... and a part of him was perplexed that his hand was clutching at a bare pillow, void of heat or an occupant.  
  
He stared, fingertips tracing, and instead of the icy blue stare of his wife, he imagined his partner's chestnut gaze.  
  
Blinking a couple of times, Sebastian rolled over, images dissipating. With a yawn and a stretch, he sat at the edge of the bed in his underwear, and again found himself instinctively itching at his angular jaw. Though it felt like something of a hassle, Sebastian figured he should shave and at least make himself look halfway presentable.  
  
He knew that Joseph would likely be dressed to the nines, in any case.  
  
It reminded him to check his phone, as he reached for where it was charging on his bedside table. It displayed the notification of a text message, glowing on the screen, from a couple of hours ago.  
  
**Meet me on Maple at 5?**  
**9:37am**  
**-Joseph**  
  
His fingers pressed clumsily at the keys in his bleary-eyed state.  
  
**sure. See u then.**  
**12:08pm**  
  **-Seb**  
  
Sitting there a few moments, rubbing the weariness from his eyes, his attention fell upon that photo frame that he kept nearby. A candid moment of he and his injured partner many years ago, Joseph's arm in a sling, and even so, the two of them were smiling like they didn't have a care in the world. Young, fresh, full of vivacity.  
  
He wondered when exactly he'd stopped feeling that way, clean-shaven and sharply-dressed, an arm slung around Joseph's neck.  
  
Since he'd already showered in recent history, Sebastian gave himself a few more moments of basking in nostalgia, before he opted for dragging himself to the bathroom to shave. The haggard visage staring back at him in the mirror above the sink was one that he'd grown used to, but the fine lines of age were showing upon tanned skin. Crevices beneath his eyes, and deep creases etched into his age-worn cheeks. So very different from the young detective that he'd regarded just moments before, captured in time.  
  
Razor retrieved, Sebastian applied shaving cream and went about it with smooth strokes, catching that untidy growth with the blades. He was nearly finished when he nicked his chin, cursing as blood dripped onto the sink. Running water, he cupped it in his hands and splashed it against the sides of the sink, until it swirled down the drain, completely unfazed by the sight.  
  
It seemed so little in comparison to what he'd seen just a handful of days prior.  
  
Rubbing with a towel after he'd pressed a tissue to his chin, and patting on some aftershave, Sebastian regarded his refreshed reflection in the mirror, wondering the last time he'd been so clean-shaven. It may have taken off a year or two, but he still looked exhausted.  
  
Nothing could take back the misery he'd experienced over the course of the last several months.  
  
Backtracking into his bedroom, Sebastian plucked a pair of jeans from the floor, and threw on a black tee. Realizing that he was probably under-dressed, at least when compared to his neat and tidy partner, he crossed the room to slide open his closet and browsed for a few moments. Catching sight of his grey tweed blazer, one that Joseph had always jokingly called his "professor coat," he removed it from the hanger and put it on. Thankfully, it still fit.  
  
 Sebastian made a pit-stop to the kitchen on his way to his office, retrieving a couple of beers from the fridge. Hunger was something that he most often ignored upon first waking, in favor of beverages with a soothing burn.  
  
At his desk, that familiar cluttered workspace, pictures of Myra and a pile of Beacon-related files were spread out. He got to work, hours passing in a haze of booze and puzzlement. A ritual that he committed himself to, determined to fit together pieces that he hadn't yet found. Reports, transcripts, interviews, witness accounts... it all blurred together, occasionally stroking the smoothness of his chin in between sips of beer.  
  
His partner's sharp-wits and eye for the minute details would certainly come in handy, had he not been unwell. Though Sebastian had taken things into his own hands months prior, it hadn't felt quite so solitary. Joseph was healing, Connelly was dead, Kidman was MIA...  
  
Sebastian paused, revelation passing over his features as he put his palm down upon the scattered files, staring ahead at his computer screen.  
  
_Kidman._  
  
Backtracking, Sebastian recalled the protocol for detectives within their computer database. Connelly's access would have been cut off as soon as he was announced DOA. He and Joseph, naturally, had been personally given leave until they were fit for service, and immediately banned from logging on.  
  
_But the junior detective..._  
  
Since she was still on active duty, and hadn't been missing for more than a couple of weeks as of yet, it was possible that she was still granted access. Of course, it was highly likely that she'd been cut off too, all things considered, but there was the possibility that someone had bypassed it in the tangled mess of the Beacon aftermath.  
  
The only issue, of course, would be figuring out her log-on information. Perhaps if he paid KCPD a visit...  
  
Glancing at his cell phone, Sebastian figured that he'd have just enough time before meeting up with Joseph. Technically, he wasn't allowed anywhere near the station, but a quick browse couldn't hurt. Besides, he hadn't yet retrieved all of his personal effects... nor had Joseph. It was a convenient excuse that just might work in his favor.  
  
Car keys retrieved and shoes slipped on, Sebastian was off, locking the door behind him. The drive into the city may as well have been on auto-pilot. It had been a strange experience, not making the journey to central Krimson every day since they'd been taken. It would be a lie to say that he didn't miss it. At least it kept him busy, and prevented his mind from dwelling in darkened places. Time seemed to pass in a bewildered lapse since then... almost impossible to tell one day from the next.  
  
The skyscrapers rising up in the distance, Sebastian was soon surrounded by that familiar city smog, pulling up to the station. His usual spot was remarkably unoccupied, as he parked in the main lot.  
  
Shoes clacking against the checkered tile, voices echoed in the halls, that musty scent of the station tickling his nose. It honestly felt like home.  
  
He'd hardly stepped foot through the double-doors of the main lobby, when he'd garnered the attention of their lead receptionist.  
  
" _Detective_ ," the brunette said, peeking from behind her desk, "you're not supposed to be--"  
  
"Calm down, Barbara. I'm just here to pick up a couple of things for Joseph and I."  
  
"Oh." The petite woman seemed to perk up at the mention of his partner. "How is he?"  
  
"Doing better," Sebastian said brusquely, pushing past the entrance and heading for the stairs. "Thanks."  
  
He added it as an afterthought, more for Joseph's sake than his own. His partner wasn't around to be the polite one.  
  
Upstairs, the main office was eerily unoccupied, even through the glass windows. Myra, Connelly, Kidman, as well as he and Joseph usually filled up those empty spaces, the only desks remaining being those of officers a bit lower on the totem pole.  Knowing the Chief, it was likely that most were on the Beacon scene, playing clean-up crew.  
  
Though he made his way directly towards Kidman's desk, Sebastian couldn't help but regard Joseph's workspace with a nostalgic smile. It was completely untouched, save for a few personal items missing. His Japanese lantern sitting idly, his favorite mug still convenient placed, and a spare pair of glasses resting beside his computer's keyboard.  
  
It was tempting to linger, but Sebastian carried on towards the junior detective's work area, still decorated with plants and a plush cat. His investigation didn't last long. In true rookie fashion, a post-it note was stuck to the top of her computer, several passwords scribbled down upon it in chickenscratch. Sebastian quickly snagged it, pocketing it for safe-keeping.  
  
_Bingo_.  
  
He was about to take his leave, when he looked up at his own office for the first time since entering, noticing the dark silhouette of an extremely tall figure through the blinds of the full windows. Brow creasing, Sebastian stepped with heavy footsteps over to the door, and allowed himself inside. A man stood before him, a clipboard in hand, apparently taking notes.  
  
"Mister Castellanos?" The figure greeted him, while Sebastian seized him up shamelessly as he approached his desk.

  
  
"That's _detective_ ," he said, contempt lacing his tone. "Who the _fuck_ are you?"  
  
"It seems you live up to your reputation, though, I heard that you're off the job. Unfortunate, really. You get results."  
  
The man, whoever he was, had an air of self-righteousness about him. He had to be at least six foot five, taller even than Sebastian who was a solid six feet tall. His fitted suit showed that he was thin, and rather on the lanky side, with combed-over jet-black hair that appeared to be thinning against his hairline. Probably around the same age as him. His most apparent feature, however, were his darkened under-eyes, making his narrow green eyes stand out almost startlingly against the hollows of his extremely pallid cheeks.  
  
"Skip the pleasantries for someone who cares," Sebastian scoffed, arms crossed. "You still didn't tell me who you are, or why you're in _my_ office."  
  
"I'm Agent Brownstein." The man extended a gloved hand, which Sebastian refused to take.  
  
"FBI?"  
  
"Yes," he said smoothly. "I assure you, I'm here to fix this."  
  
"We were doing just _fine_ without the government getting involved."  
  
For the first time since entering, the Agent's thin lips tugged into something resembling a grin.  
  
"Really, now? Two detectives off duty, unfit for service... another dead, and two more missing. Including your wife..."  
  
Against his will, Sebastian's blood boiled. "Don't bring her into this."  
  
"Oh?" Dark eyebrows raised in interest, as the man jotted something else down. "My apologies if I touched a nerve."  
  
"Did you think you wouldn't?"  
  
"You tell me."  
  
They stared, deep emerald against amber, apparently at odds. Sebastian had the sudden urge to rip that clipboard from him, and snap it over his knee. However, he had places to be, and he didn't want to keep Joseph waiting. Though he bristled, he knew that he was in enough hot water,and messing with the feds wouldn't aid his situation.  
  
"I've already given my interview," he said, jaw clenched. Behind the man, Myra's missing poster was clearly displayed, those sharp eyes regarding him from over the man's pointed shoulder. "I don't have time for this, and I've got a partner who needs me."  
  
"And just how is Detective Oda doing? I can only wish that his health has been well after such... trauma."  
  
Something about the way the man said Joseph's name made his spine tingle.  
  
"He's fine. Safe at home. Away from all the _bullshit_."  
  
"Well, I wish you luck," Brownstein continued, "and if you do feel like talking, Mister Castellanos, don't hesitate to call. Until next time."  
  
"Yeah, don't count on it."  
  
To assert superiority, Sebastian grabbed a couple of items from his desk, including a pack of cigarettes left behind. He glared at the man all the way out the door, wondering who the hell gave him the right to poke around wherever he wanted.  
  
Just to fit his alibi, Sebastian located an empty cardboard box from the corner of the room, and carefully placed a few items from Joseph's work space inside of it. Without another glance, he carried the box back through the Department's corridors, making his way back out the front door, and issuing a curt goodbye to their receptionist. Finding his car, Sebastian placed the box of belongings in the passenger's seat, and got inside. Leaving his vehicle outside of the station would only arouse suspicion, so he moved it a few streets down the road, in one of Krimson's many parking garages. Before he got out, he checked the time, pulling his cell from the pocket of his jeans. He was only a couple of minutes late to meet up with Joseph.  
  
A couple of blocks away, walked more briskly than usual, and Sebastian arrived somewhat out of breath, catching sight of Joseph across the street, where they'd arranged to meet up. Too impatient to wait for a light, he jay-walked his way to the other side, a car honking their disapproval in the process. Joseph's arms were folded, that familiar skywards glance quite obvious even behind his glasses as Sebastian approached.  
  
"Hey, partner."  
  
"Hey, Seb. You know, this isn't urgent enough to disobey traffic laws."  
  
"Well, they can try to take me in," he said, with a smirk. "But they should know better."  
  
For a moment, Joseph stared, and he wondered what was wrong, until he remembered that he'd cleaned himself up earlier in the day. He found himself rubbing at his jawline again, teeth clenched.  
  
"You shaved," Joseph said, tone almost accusatory, with a hint of surprise.  
  
"That a bad thing?" Sebastian, though he'd grown quite talented at the art of deflecting, was oddly concerned that he'd made a mistake.  
  
"No. You look good."  
  
He took a moment to admire Joseph's choice of attire, attempting to be subtle about it. He was bit more dressed-down than his typical workwear, but that wasn't saying much. He wore a checkered dress shirt, with only the collar and a bit of his black tie showing, mostly covered by a button-up sweater of a deep purple hue. Joseph, naturally, still settled for wearing a pair of dark slacks. It also happened to be more colorful than what the younger man typically wore, and Sebastian silently praised himself for having chosen his blazer rather than just a simple t-shirt.  
  
They lingered there, and Sebastian wondered if they should hug or something similarly affectionate, before he thumped him on the back. When Joseph winced, his own features cringed, forgetting momentarily that he should be a bit more gentle with him.  
  
"So, where would you like to eat?" Joseph asked, once they'd began a casual pace down the street.  
  
Maple was part of the historical district of Krimson, home to classic architecture and mom and pop shops. It would have been quaint, had it not been close to the center of the city, attracting especially large crowds at the various storefronts and restaurants during the evening hours. Sebastian didn't need to regard the time to know that they'd likely be hitting the dinner rush soon.  
  
"Fine with anything," Sebastian shrugged, attempting to be upbeat. He couldn't deny that he felt a bit uncomfortable, walking side-by-side with the other man. They had tread the streets of their city countless times, both on and off the job, and yet the change in the air was undeniable. He wondered how Joseph was currently dealing, or if it felt different to him as well. It didn't help that the FBI presence at the station was extremely off-putting.  
  
"Well," Joseph started, "we can go to Lotus, or something a bit more casual, like the diner. Didn't you like that Italian place off Fifth?"  
  
As Joseph rambled off names and options, always the level-headed planner, Sebastian caught sight of something else entirely. A couple of stores down from where they currently stood, he noticed that it was warm enough for the hot dog stands that jovially peppered Krimson's street corners to be set up.  
  
"How about some good old fashioned hot dogs?" Sebastian asked, nodding in the direction of the food cart as they approached.  
  
Even out of the corner of his eye, he could see the rise of Joseph's brow. "Hot dogs?"  
  
"Yeah, why not?"  
  
Joseph shrugged. "I mean, if that's what you want."  
  
To be entirely honest, Sebastian had no idea what he wanted. Well, perhaps he did, but he didn't know quite how to come to terms with it yet. He was here, on what was probably considered a date with his partner. That was enough, wasn't it? Though he couldn't express it to Joseph, the thought of sitting across from him in a restaurant, face to face after... _well_ , after what had occurred between them in recent days was a bit too much. For now, this seemed a more comfortable option.  
  
The food cart approached, the vendor looked particularly chipper this early in the year standing beneath the red and yellow umbrella. Sebastian quirked a half-smile, knowing how disgruntled they'd appear after a full summer of this.  
  
"We'll take two hot dogs," he said, holding up two fingers for emphasis. "One of them with chili." He briefly considered adding onions, but then figured that might be insensitive.  
  
"Relish on mine, please," Joseph added. As the vendor prepared their food, Sebastian reached into the pocket of his jeans before Joseph had the chance to speak up.  
  
When the other man narrowed his eyes, Sebastian chuckled at that sudden dark glare. "My turn, remember?"  
  
"Fine," he sighed, lips forming something of a pout, before a smile shined through. "Thank you."  
  
Sebastian traded a crisp ten for their meat-filled meal, and then handed the weighty foil-wrapped sandwich over to his partner. He waited patiently as Joseph used the bottles upon the counter to add a bit of mustard to his. The grey poupon made him feel a bit better about his robust choice of chili.  
  
Carrying off down the street, the evening air crisp, Sebastian had already taken a couple of bites when Joseph spoke up again.  
  
"I haven't had a hot dog since... God, I think it was that baseball game we went to a couple years back."  
  
Of course, Sebastian recalled the trip fondly. Myra had Lily for the day, as the two enjoyed a boy's outing on their day off. Joseph had looked a bit dazed and bored the majority of the time, probably preferring hockey or whatever they played up in Canada, but it had been nice to take an afternoon together. He'd at least kept him fed, in hopes of holding his interest. Everyone knew that eating was the best part of ball games, in any case.  
  
Sebastian, in that moment, made the mistake of catching Joseph's gaze precisely as he opened his mouth rather widely to accommodate the first meaty bite of his hot dog, teeth sinking in. The older man practically choked, even the smallest gesture bringing up recent images that hadn't quite left his mind.  
  
"Well..." Sebastian coughed, in an attempt to play it off. "I hope you enjoy it."  
  
They ate in silence, multi-tasking their eating and walking when a thought crossed Sebastian's mind. It couldn't be helped, and he'd never been one for subtlety.  
  
"Joseph," he said, hot dog already half-eaten. "I've been meaning to ask you..."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"What you said..." Sebastian cleared his throat, trailing off. "Uh, yesterday in the shower."  
  
"Oh. _That_." To his surprise, Joseph chuckled. "Did you think I haven't been with men before?"  
  
This was all extremely awkward for him, attempting to focus on his food. Joseph, on the other hand, politely held onto his in favor of conversing.  
  
" I mean, I guess I never really thought that... well, _you know_."  
  
"That I was bisexual?"  
  
Sebastian quirked an eyebrow. "So you're not...?"  
  
"Of course not. You know I enjoy women, too. That wasn't a front, if that's what you were thinking."  
  
Food in one hand, his opposite came to scratch at the back of his head. "How long has that, you know, been a thing?"  
  
"Well," Joseph gave a thoughtful sigh. "Saving you the lecture of 'since I was born,' I guess I realized when I was probably fifteen? Sixteen, maybe?"  
  
"I never really thought about it that way."  
  
"It's all right," Joseph reassured. "I know it's different for you."  
  
They locked eyes for a moment, which somehow made Sebastian feel fidgety.  
  
"Yeah... uh, so, you wanna catch a movie?"

  
  
They weren't far from one of Krimson's famous theaters, a small, historical landmark that was maintained since the 1940s. He noticed that Joseph hesitated on a reply, his partner's gaze focused somewhere across the way.  
  
"Oh, sorry. Mind if we cross the street?"  
  
"Sure," he said with a broad-shouldered shrug.  
  
Waiting for the pedestrian crossing sign to glow this time around, they walked to the other side of the street, which was a bit more occupied. Joseph headed straight to the display window of a rather high-end men's clothing shop, the sort of place where Joseph seemed like he'd make a purchase, pausing there as they regarded the dressed-up mannequins. One wore a familiar sight, of a long tan trenchcoat.  
  
"It reminds me of yours," Joseph said, almost wistfully. Sebastian stared along with him, remembering the warmth of that jacket, and how it had been a comfort to him even after Myra had left. Now, as of late, it felt like there was nothing left of her.  
  
"It'll be warm again soon," Sebastian said dismissively. He realized that Joseph knew that he wore that beloved jacket all year long, but he'd grown so used to hiding any sort of emotion from him.  
  
"I guess we should get to the theater," Joseph said, apparently taking the hint. He stared almost forlornly down at his half-eaten meal.  "Do you want this? I can't finish."  
  
That got a smile out of him, as Sebastian had just taken the last bite of his chili dog. Joseph handed it over, and Sebastian  gave his arm a well-natured nudge.  
  
"You fucking lightweight."  
  
The glow of the theater's marquee, displaying the two available films to be watched, beckoned them from down the road. Sebastian easily polished off the last remaining bites of Joseph's food, disposing of the garbage outside of the theater. They opted for the more lighthearted film of the two, something about two cops going undercover as college students. If nothing else, it would at least be a distraction for a while.  
  
The theater wasn't as crowded as one might expect for an evening showing, but still inhabited enough that Sebastian wondered what people perceived as they saw the two men. He knew deep down that it truly wasn't any different, from an outsider's perspective at least, than any other time the two had viewed a movie together. But the change in mood, to him, was far from imperceptible.  
  
Sebastian ordered them a bucket of popcorn, in hopes that his partner might eat a bit more, and they settled in.  
  
He and Joseph found a seat near the back of the theater, relatively quiet as they nibbled on popcorn and awaited the film's start. Sebastian could sense that his partner was more at ease, perhaps not healthy quite yet, but his spirits seemed lifted.  Not paying attention as he was lost in thought, Sebastian reached his hand into the popcorn bucket at the same time as Joseph had, their fingers brushing against each other momentarily. Their reactions weren't visible as the lights dimmed just then.  
  
The movie seemed to go by rather quickly, perhaps due to Sebastian's thoughts being in overdrive. He knew that had they been viewing the film in the comfort of their own homes, they'd both have something to say about the completely inaccurate cop procedures. Still, they'd both gotten some carefree laughs out of it, certainly worth the price of admission just to hear Joseph enjoying himself.  
  
All seemed as it was, a regular outing between the two detectives, save for a moment in which Joseph had allowed his hand to stray from his own lap, and rest on top of Sebastian's thigh. Unable to deny him, his palm had cupped warmly over his, until the film ended and the lights were flicked back on. His hand retreated, focusing on carrying the popcorn bucket as they both stood to exit. As Joseph sidled down the aisle first, Sebastian couldn't help but place a protective hand upon the small of his back.  
  
Trash disposed, and stepping back outside into the darkened evening air, the Krimson streetlights provided a pleasant radiance, especially in comparison to the dimly-lit theater. The historical district was fond of white bulb lights, much like the kind most used around the holidays, strung over each walkway to be strolled beneath. Sebastian watched as Joseph drew his arms around himself, his sweater apparently not quite enough to fend off the brisk night-time air.  
  
"I guess I should be headed back home," Joseph said, with a mild shiver. "Doctor's appointment in the morning."  
  
"Are you all right?" Sebastian was instantly alert, his hand straying to touch Joseph's arm this time.  
  
"Yeah." Joseph offered a wan smile. "Just a check-up."  
  
"Well, let me walk you to your car."  
  
Sebastian hadn't realized until after the fact that it probably came off as a romantic gesture, but he was truly just concerned over his partner's health. Especially as the hours grew late, he'd hate to leave him alone in the event that he had another episode. Faces lit by the glow of those festive white lights, they walked side by side, down the street and past the men's store they'd passed earlier. The garage where Joseph had parked wasn't far, on the first level.  
  
Arriving at his spotless vehicle, they both paused, as Joseph reached into his pocket for his keys as they jingled.  
  
"That was nice," Joseph said, with a mild shiver. "Thank you, Seb."  
  
"Hey, anything for my partner, remember?"  
  
A few beats of silence passed, the two men standing there, clearly uncertain of how to progress.  
  
"So..." Joseph ventured first, eyes looking a bit wide and hopeful behind his glasses. "Would it be too much to ask for a kiss?"  
  
Though he gave a quick glance around the garage, in the event that a passerby saw them, Sebastian found himself breathing out a chuckle.  
  
"Yeah... think I can do that."  
  
A palm cradling the side of Joseph's neck, Sebastian moved in close, pressing his lips to the other man's. A satisfied gasp was instantly issued, enjoying the fullness of those tender lips. He tasted a bit different than usual, more salty, probably resulting from the buttery popcorn they'd shared.  
  
What was supposed to be a quick peck soon transformed into a deeper display of affection, Sebastian's hips acting mechanically as he pressed up against him. Joseph took a step back in response, backside hitting the car door, as Sebastian pinned him... brought his wide palm from the pulse of Joseph's neck, to the cool metal of the car window, trapping the smaller detective between machine and man. Mouths meeting rather fervently, Joseph gripped the back of Sebastian's jacket, arms wrapping around, the jangling of the keys still heard as he hadn't put them away. Sebastian pressed, and Joseph groaned against his lips, his satisfaction vibrating.  
  
They separated from each other like oil and water, when footsteps were heard in the distance, rubber against concrete, as one of the garage attendants was returning to the toll booth near the entrance. As she glanced their way, she offered them a smile, as Sebastian nodded a greeting.  
  
"Well," Joseph breathed, letting him ago from where his hand still gripped at that tweed material. "Good night, Seb."  
  
"Yeah, call me in the morning, all right?"  
  
"Bright and early?" Joseph almost looked as if he was beaming, and Sebastian wasn't sure if he was blushing, or if it was the reddened lighting of the parking lot.  
  
"You've got it. Bright and early."  
  
As Joseph stumbled over to the driver's side, Sebastian reached out and gave his rear a playful pat, making sure that Joseph was on his way before heading back towards his own parking space. As was usual lately, he had quite a lot to mull over on the ride back to his apartment. Tonight, starlight broke through the clouds, a moonlit path lighting the way once he'd reached the more dense foliage of his neighborhood.  
  
Back at home, Sebastian felt as if that post-it note inside of his pocket had somehow weighed him down all evening. Unable to wait, he slipped out of his jacket, draping it on the back of his office chair as he clicked his mouse, his computer whirring back to life.  
  
Too anxious to even sit down, bent over and hovering over his desk, Sebastian fired up their Database, and with confident fingers, typed in Kidman's log-on information.  
  
The first password didn't work. _Damn_. So he moved onto the second one, hands practically fumbling against the keyboard in anticipation.  
  
His eyes went wide as the familiar screen popped up, Kidman's stern features displaying beneath the KCPD's shield of eagles and stars. What he saw near the bottom of her profile made his blood rush cold, heart pounding.  
  
**Juli Kidman**  
**Junior Detective**  
**Last log-in: 5 hours ago.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and sticking with me, and as always, your feedback is greatly appreciated! ♥ I love hearing from you all so much!


	12. Uneasy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian uncovers new information, and finds that Joseph's life may be in danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Happy month of Spooky! 
> 
> I wanted to have this next chapter up around TEW's second anniversary, which fell on the 14th. Gosh, I can't believe the game has been out for two years, already! Hope you all have been having fun celebrating! I know I have.
> 
> My apologies for this chapter being so short. I was originally going to put a large portion of chapter 13 in this one, so now that one will just be extra long because I liked the break here better. Thank you all so much for your continued support with this little endeavor. Only a couple chapters left after this! 
> 
> Special thanks to Giselle for being the sweetest gal anyone could ever ask for. I love you so much, partner ♥  
> She was kind enough to provide the gorgeous artwork for this chapter! Please check out more of her wonderful work at juonart.tumblr.com 
> 
> Also shout-outs to breezysketch, owlosaurusrex, nonbinaryhueyfreeman, beautifulyuki93 and NicknameNotFound for your kind words and support. You guys keep me going! As do all of my readers! <33

A palm smoothing over his face, Sebastian stared at the computer, the room illuminated by its glowing screen.  
  
Kidman was _alive_.  
  
Either that, or someone was using her information, but something in his gut urged him to believe that it was the former. As he'd suspected, her access hadn't been disabled. He just hadn't expected it to be _her_ still logging on.  
  
It brought about a series of questions that he couldn't yet make sense of. Why had she opted for the opposite motive when they'd seemed to be working together all along? How long had she been watching them, and gathering information? Who was she working for, and why did she have such an interest in Leslie? What did she know?  
  
And _shooting_ Joseph... _god_ , he could still see his partner crumpling on the cold, hard ground, the blast of Kidman's gun resounding in his ears. It made his blood boil.  
  
But then, images of Kidman resurfaced, her pale visage glancing at him from his resting place in a bath tub. Groggy, blurred, but visible. One thing didn't make sense, despite all the betrayal and confusion...  
  
_Why had she let him go?_  
  
A change of heart, or a clever ploy? Regardless, for some reason or another, she hadn't treated Joseph on equal terms, and _that_ was something he could never forgive. As far as he was concerned, she'd left his partner for dead, and contributed to his further trauma post-STEM.  
  
Focusing back on the electronic files before him, Sebastian scrolled through the various case notes and reports, the faces of witnesses and suspects alike staring lifelessly from the screen. A particular file caught his eye, making it feel as if his throat had closed up, choking back emotion.  
  
_Myra Castellanos née Hanson._  
  
Without thinking, Sebastian clicked, his mouse seeming particularly loud in that eerie silence of his office.   Steely blue eyes were apparent from her portrait, familiar and alluring. Thin lips, prominent cheekbones, blonde hair. It had seemed a lifetime since he'd studied her features, the ache in his soul increasing tenfold at the mere sight of her. Amber gaze scanning, Sebastian noticed a strange symbol next to her headshot. A red logo of sorts, something like a spike piercing a star. As far as he recalled, he'd never seen it before.  
  
Sebastian was perusing her information, desperate for answers, when his phone vibrated in his pocket, causing him to startle.  
  
Reaching to retrieve it, an image of a disgruntled Joseph popped up on his phone, a candid photo he'd taken for his contact information. Clicking a key, his cell was raised to an ear with a clearing of his throat, his voice steady yet pleasant. Partially because he was relieved to hear from him, and partially to mask any suspicion.  
  
"Hey, partner. You home?"  
  
"Sebastian..." An eyebrow rose at the way Joseph uttered his name. He sounded oddly out of breath. "There's someone in the apartment."  
  
Someone may as well have stabbed Sebastian in the gut, immediately rising to his feet.  
  
" _Fuck_. Joseph, get out of there, if you can."  
  
"I've tried, but... "  
  
"Don't worry, I'm on my way!"  
  
Something that sounded like glass shattering in the background made bile rise into his throat, and he heard an alarmed gasp from the other end of the line.  
  
"Joseph! _Joseph?!_ "  
  
No response. No more sound. Pulling his cell away from his ear to regard it, he saw that the call had been disconnected.  
  
_"FUCK!"_  
  
A fist slammed harshly against his desk, panic and rage consuming him.  
  
Sebastian swiftly opened one of his lower desk drawers, taking hold of a spare 9mm, which he promptly checked for bullets, and then flicked on the safety. Tucked into the back of his pants, Sebastian was off with the pace of a mad man, bounding across his apartment as he grabbed his car keys and sprinted out the door.  
  
The drive was made at least 20 over the speed limit towards the Krimson City limits, not caring who stopped him. This was a goddamned emergency, and unfortunately, he didn't trust the authorities in the current moment.  
  
He'd have to be his own personal justice system, for now.  
  
Knuckles whitening against the steering wheel due to his tight grip, Sebastian's thoughts were occupied by horrific imagery. What if Joseph was being taken again? What if he was robbed?  
  
And he swore to God, if they fucking hurt him... or worse. He'd already nearly lost Joseph once. If it happened again...  
  
Passing by the Lake Path, he remembered Connelly's funeral, imagining the wheels of his car skidding along the edge of the rocky terrain until it went careening off the edge, the water taking him under, submerged.  
  
No, he couldn't think like that.  
  
There was still time... there _had_ to be.  
  
The trip though the city passed by in a blur, not even minding his surroundings. Soon, he was at Krimson's heart, Joseph's highrise apartment rising up like a foreboding beacon in the night.  
  
Performing perhaps the worst parking job of his life as he careened around the corner and towards the apartment complex, Sebastian was out of the car in a heartbeat. Across the lot, up the stairs, and through the lobby's glass double doors, he made a determined beeline towards the elevators.  
  
A mechanical instinct as he hit the button to the 14th floor, pacing back and forth like a caged lion the entire ascent. When the metallic doors released him, he jogged down the hallway, a palm finding the hilt of his gun. The door was cracked open as he pushed it with his left hand, his right raising his pistol. Side-stepping into the familiar space, weapon trained, his voice carried with a severe bite.  
  
"Joseph? Joseph, talk to me!"  
  
Everything was pitch black, save for the aquarium's eerie glow. He glanced around wild-eyed, before a voice, hardly audible, reached his ears.  
  
"I'm here, Seb."  
  
His partner, looking pale among the shadows, emerged from the bathroom adjacent to the kitchen, wearing the same attire he'd last seen him in.  
  
"God, are you okay?" He instantly closed the space between them, muscular form meeting with Joseph's trimmer one.  
  
"Yeah... yeah I'm fine," Joseph said calmly, though he could tell by his breathing that he was rattled.  "Just a bit shaken, is all. They're gone, now."  
  
Though he was reluctant to holster his weapon, Sebastian found himself setting it upon the nearby kitchen table to throw his arms around the other man. Burying his face against his shoulder, Sebastian breathed him in, took solace in the embrace as Joseph slowly reciprocated.

  
  
" _Jesus_ , I thought..." Sebastian trailed off, words failing him. His airways felt tight, constricted.  
  
"I know," said Joseph, cheek against Sebastian's chest.  
  
"Are you hurt?" His hands moved to hold him at arm's length with his palms upon his shoulders. Observing him closely for any injuries, he appeared completely unscathed.  
  
"I'm fine." His partner was quick to reassure, though a thin eyebrow raised.  
  
"Why didn't you call the police?"  
  
Joseph shrugged. "I panicked, I suppose. You were the first one I thought to call."  
  
Though Sebastian wondered why he hadn't contacted KCPD, first and foremost, he didn't push the subject. Not now, at least. If nothing else, he was honored that he trusted him so fully.  
  
The sound of Joseph's frantic voice, and the replaying of the crash resounded in his head, recalling the disturbing noises that had prompted him in the first place.  
  
"What was that noise?" he ventured. "Sounded pretty serious."  
  
"They shattered the coffee table."  
  
Gaze shifting over Joseph's shoulder, he could see the mess of broken glass shards, and the collapsed table frame. Probably some scare tactic, to make their presence known. It felt surreal, to have built it along with him, and to now see it entirely destroyed.  
  
" _Damn_. Just as long as you're okay. We'll get you a new one." Another pause, still observing Joseph intently. The reassurance probably wasn't even what he wanted to hear, speaking of a replaced table when he still saw terror in his eyes. But, he'd never been the best at these things, always favoring simple over complicated. "What did they want?"  
  
"I... I'm not sure." Joseph shook his head, looking pallid and numb. "They didn't say a word."  
  
That seemed odd. But with what they'd both been through, not much fazed him any more. If whoever had done this had set out to unsettle Joseph, they'd clearly succeeded.  
  
"Well, it'll be all right. We're gonna find whoever did this. But until then..." Sebastian felt his attention shift away from Joseph's face, before he opted for looking him eye-to-eye. Though his words were calm, his heart seemed to thud in his chest as he inhaled. "... I'd like you to crash at my place for a couple of days."  
  
Joseph seemed to instantly protest, narrow shoulders sagging.  
  
"Sebastian, I'm fine, honestly--"  
  
Broad palms placed on his upper arms once again, he felt almost as if he was physically supporting him.  
  
"You think I'd let you stay here? _Alone?_ "  
  
"Well, no, but..." Chestnut eyes searched his, dilated behind his glasses. Sebastian watched him give in, sighing in his sturdy hold. The lines etched between his brows seemed infinitely more apparent. "I'll go pack my things."  
  
Sebastian watched him go, as he slowly disappeared into the bedroom, footsteps leaden as the lights switched on. He noticed that Joseph left the door open, a rarity, as the man preferred privacy. Sebastian followed his lead, flicking on the kitchen light now that he knew the coast was clear. Still, his wild-eyed stare strayed to his pistol.  
  
Pacing around, ill at ease himself, Sebastian opted for observing Joseph's fish tank, silently uttering a prayer that they hadn't shattered the aquarium instead. He knew that his partner would have been devastated, had that been the case, and in all honesty, he wouldn't know the first thing about life-saving fish tactics.  
  
The colorful creatures swam about, oblivious to the trauma surrounding them. The blue one in particular seemed a bit agitated, but he could have been imagining it. It was then that his eyes refocused on something floating near the top of the tank. At first, he thought it might have been a new addition to the fish's tropical haven, but upon closer inspection, it looked like a piece of paper.  
  
When Joseph emerged from his room, Sebastian was tapping his fingers at the top of the tank. For once, Joseph didn't scold him.  
  
"I'm all set," the smaller man said, black dufflebag in hand. Sebastian couldn't hold himself back, concern marring his rugged features.  
  
"Joseph, did you... drop something in there?"  
  
Instantly, his expression was one of dread as he moved a bit more quickly to stand near the tank at Sebastian's side.  
  
"Not that I recall. Why?"  
  
There was no explanation needed as Joseph saw it, too.  
  
"What is that?" Joseph breathed.  
  
"Do you mind if I--?" Sebastian slid the hood, as he'd watched Joseph do hundreds of times during cleaning or feeding. Sleeve rolled up to reveal his muscled forearm, he was fully prepared to shove his hand into the water and snatch it up.  
  
He could hear Joseph exhale shakily as he bent low to open the cabinet, before standing to hand an item over.  
  
"Use the fish net."  
  
A nod as Sebastian took it from him. A brief swipe later, as the fish sought refuge among their coral homes, and the item was caught. Sebastian held the net above the top of the tank so it wouldn't drip, and then pinched the item with his thumb and index finger, holding it up to the light.  
  
The color drained from Joseph's face. Emblazoned on a small business card, was nothing but a star and spike, crimson like blood.  
  
"Looks like someone's sending a message," Sebastian said, teeth grit as they exchanged nervous glances.  
  
"Have you... ever seen that symbol before?" Joseph ventured quietly.  
  
"No," Sebastian lied. "Never in my life."  
  
Sebastian turned the soggy piece of paper over in his hands with consternation. It was the same symbol he'd seen pasted on Myra's police profile, just minutes before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for more drama in the next chapter. And maybe there will be romance? ;) Guess you'll have to wait and see! 
> 
> As always your feedback means so much to me. I reread reviews all the time when I need a spark, and I adore hearing from you all ♥ Thank you for reading and take care!


	13. Undressed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an argument, and some delicate subjects touched upon, the two detectives have some making up to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13 is finally here! I took a bit of a break for the holidays. I hope the new year is finding you well!
> 
> This is the one that a lot of you have been waiting for. It's pretty NSFW, so I hope it was worth the wait! Thank you all for being so patient with me! ♥ I really hope you enjoy!
> 
> Chapter artwork by the lovely and amazingly talented Soraxiin! ♥

Taking separate cars back to Sebastian's apartment, as Joseph insisted, seemed a more anxious experience than the older detective had anticipated.  
  
Constant glances into the rearview mirror had him paranoid for Joseph's safety, despite the man trailing directly behind his Ford. If he was buckled up beside him in the passenger's seat, he knew he'd feel more control over the situation. He almost expected a car crash, a strike of lightning... hell, maybe even some kind of fucking monster to drive him off the road, as he was helpless to do anything.  
  
Anything seemed plausible, no matter how impossible it seemed.  
  
But maybe he was just getting paranoid.  
  
When they pulled up to the driveway, Sebastian got out first, offering to carry Joseph's bag, which he looked to be handling with a bit less finesse than usual. With an effortless heft over his shoulder, Sebastian took care of his belongings as he led Joseph towards the stairwell.  
  
Thankfully, it had been kept reasonably clean since Joseph had aided in the upkeep just a few days prior.  
  
"Make yourself comfortable," Sebastian offered, as he keyed the lock and let Joseph inside, before following suit. "I'll take your stuff to the bedroom."  
  
Just like that, in his nonchalant way, an offer was delivered. No more letting Joseph sleep on the couch, while he locked himself away. The bedroom was his partner's territory now, too. It was funny, how things changed so much in just a few days...  
  
"All right.  Mind if I get some water?"  
  
"Of course. Got some beer in the fridge, too." A smirk over his shoulder as he headed towards the hallway.  
  
"Very funny."  
  
His smile faded promptly as he turned his gaze forward. Duffle bag placed, Sebastian took a moment to gather his wits. Subconsciously, his gaze fell upon his bedside table, the pleasant faces of his wife and baby girl staring back at him.  
  
It seemed a silent plea for help. For vengeance, for justice. If what had happened to Myra, was now happening to Joseph, too...  
  
Preventing his thoughts from churning more darkly, Sebastian left Joseph's bag at the edge of the bed, and met the other man where he'd taken up space on the couch, scooted close to the cushion's edge. That familiar tense posture as he held a glass of tap water, unable to relax. It was something Joseph did often, but this time, Sebastian knew that it wasn't the typical discomfort caused by their workload or everyday stressors. He was spooked, and he had every right to be. Hell, Sebastian felt on edge, himself.  
  
"Feelin' ok?" Sebastian asked, with a forced smile that twitched uncomfortably.  
  
"As well as I can, at least." Joseph returned the favor, looking particularly colorless. He sipped at his cold drink, before setting it down upon the coffee table.  
  
"Just take it easy."  
  
Sebastian paced around for a moment, glancing at the door to be certain it was locked, before settling beside him. Sitting back against the couch, there was too much on his mind to be contained. He figured now was as good a time as any to bring things up, while they were still relevant.  
  
"Listen, Joseph..." he said, leaning forward a bit, a hand splayed upon his own knee. "After what you told me about Beacon. I have reason to think that Myra might be alive."  
  
The words hung in the air, stagnant. As Joseph slowly turned his head to regard him, he could tell by the crease of his brow that he was carefully considering his words.  
  
"Go on," he urged quietly, after a few more moments.  
  
"I mean, if you got out... who's to say she couldn't?"  
  
" _Barely_ ," Joseph interrupted. "I barely got out. And there's the timeline to be considered. Myra's been missing for months, Seb."  
  
The pitying look, only partially concealed behind his wayfarers, was enough to make Sebastian's chest swell with overpowering emotion.    
  
"I'm well aware," he huffed.  
  
"Listen," Joseph started, with a gesturing of his hands, where they'd been folded in his lap. "Before you continue, there's something I need to tell you, too. I guess it's a confession, of sorts."  
  
Sebastian said nothing, merely waited for Joseph to continue, as a raised eyebrow awaited his response.  
  
 "I... read the letter."  
  
"What?"  
  
_Myra's letter._ _His_ letter, the one meant for his eyes only. Reeling, Sebastian wondered how that would even be possible.  
  
"I know that sounds terrible," Joseph said, speaking a bit more quickly, "but... I saw it on the coffee table the other night, and I don't know... I thought it might be..."  
  
"Might be _what?_ "  
  
Joseph's chest expanded with a heavy sigh that almost sounded painful.  
  
"A suicide note."  
  
More silence that was thick and palpable.  
  
Though he understood Joseph's concern, and his reasoning... especially given recent events, Sebastian couldn't help but be offended by the possibility. Furthermore, he was mentally kicking himself for leaving his belongings out in the open.  
  
"I already told you, I'm not going to kill myself over her. Not everyone deals that way." A subtle jab, but he knew Joseph felt it, as the man hung his head. "She wants me to find her. I know it."  
  
"Sebastian... this isn't easy to say. But... knowing what we've discovered, has it ever crossed your mind that she knew _exactly_ where she was leading you? We both know how headstrong she was."  
  
" _Is_."  
  
"All right... but, I'm just saying, if she cares about your well being, and knew anything about Beacon, then why would she put your life in danger?"  
  
Sebastian didn't like the implication of Joseph's words. Not one bit, as he pivoted to face him more fully.  
  
"Are you trying to imply that my own wife wanted to _hurt me_ , Joseph?"  
  
Joseph was left shaking his head, staring somewhere into the contents of his half-empty glass before he met Sebastian's heated gaze evenly. "No, not exactly. I just mean... think about Kidman. What if she's not... who we thought she was?  
  
"Yeah, but the difference is, Kidman didn't have my _ring_ on her goddamned _finger_."  
  
"I'm in no way trying to invalidate your marriage. I know how much she means to you. But, what if something changed her? It just doesn't make sense."  
  
Sebastian could feel himself reaching his limits. While he didn't want to yell, and startle the man, all things considered... he couldn't think about this right now. Maybe not _ever_.  
  
Hands clutching at his knees before he righted himself, Sebastian stood beside the couch, looking down at him.  
  
"God, of all people, Joseph... first you report me, make me nearly lose my fucking job, and now you're making assumptions about my _wife_?"  
  
"I didn't make that choice, Sebastian," he said, tone strong, and keen stare narrowed. "You did. I only tried to help, and I've regretted it ever since."  
  
"Not enough to keep nosing around where you don't belong."  
  
They stared, Sebastian with clenched fists, and Joseph's mouth left agape. Joseph looked shades more paler than he had even before, and yet, Sebastian couldn't bring himself to comfort him. Couldn't reassure him, when such disturbing options were being laid out on the table.  
  
"I'm sorry you feel that way," was all his partner said.  
  
"I have work to do," Sebastian said dismissively, once he realized there was nothing more to be done. "The bedroom is yours. Just knock if you need me."  
  
With one more tight-lipped glance at Joseph, Sebastian excused himself with a broad-shouldered turn towards his office, the door slamming shut behind him.

 

* * *

  
  
Hours passed, mind swimming. It wasn't as if Sebastian could do anything but fret. He knew where his answers would lie... and it all centered around Beacon. As he clicked through files, fingered through folders, and turned over the now-dry card they'd found in Joseph's fish tank, he could occasionally hear Joseph moving about the living room, or fussing in the kitchen.  
  
 It was probably past midnight when he found himself anxiously needing to check on his partner, everything eerily silent, as he ventured through the darkened apartment. But, Sebastian didn't have to go far, stepping out of his office and back into the living room. Joseph was still in his clothes on the couch, sitting upright and fast asleep, with an afghan tugged over his shoulders.  
  
He hadn't taken the invitation to use the bedroom.  
  
Guilt gave a pang in his stomach at the sight. It seemed that the poor man had worn himself out, and he hadn't even taken off his glasses.  
  
Treading softly, Sebastian approached the sleeping man, leaning over him slightly. Joseph's full lips were parted, so close he could feel his hot breath as he exhaled evenly. It almost made him want to touch them, and though it was tempting to give in, or wake him up to express things he didn't even know how to voice, Sebastian focused on the task at hand.  
  
Gingerly, his hands on either side of Joseph's face, his fingertips slowly lifted those glasses. Joseph didn't move a muscle, in a deep trance of a sleep. Sebastian folded the glasses as if they were a priceless heirloom, and set them upon the coffee table. It was difficult not to observe his attractive partner, all of his tense face lines disappearing when he was at rest, save for the permanent crease of his brow. A light smile, as he mused that those were likely due to eight years of dealing with his shit.  
  
A slight adjustment of that afghan over Joseph's slight shoulders, and Sebastian let him be... retiring to the bedroom. Stripping down, washing up, lights turned off. He found himself staring at the two beloved photo frames that decorated his modest bedroom.  
  
Young partners, never knowing what the future might hold, the horrors they would face, together.  
  
And as he fell asleep sometime in the early morning, light beams not quite peeking, only three words resounded in his head, Joseph's face appearing in his mind's eye.  
  
_You deserve better._

* * *

  
  
Wakefulness crept like a shadow. A restless slumber that carried him to afternoon light. Scratching at the overnight growth of stubble, Sebastian sat at the edge of the bed for a few long moments before righting himself, his knees giving a creak in protest.  
  
Not bothering with a shirt as he made a quick trip to the bathroom, he then headed towards the living room, and Sebastian instantly felt that something was amiss.  
  
"Joseph?"  
  
He quickly made the rounds of the small apartment. Not in the half bath, and not in the kitchen, though his presence was apparent by the fresh pot of coffee made. He checked his office just in case, heart thudding. Even though he was tempted to check every nook and cranny, he didn't need to.  
  
Joseph was gone.  
  
He was about to panic, glancing around for his cell, when he returned to the living room and saw a note left upon the coffee table. Sebastian picked it up, squinting at the neatly written words upon the page:  
  
_**"Seb,**_  
  
_**Cancelled my appointment.** **Went out to clear my mind a bit downtown. Don't worry, I'm well enough to drive. See you in a couple of hours.**_  
  
_**Joseph"**_  
  
 If it was a ransom note, it would be an odd one, and there was no signs of stress upon the written page. A trip back to the bedroom, and a look at his cell confirmed that Joseph was out and about. Though he was concerned, and a bit miffed that Joseph had left, he supposed he had no choice but to pass the time while his partner was away. He deserved time to himself, he supposed.  
  
A click of the television remote, and a cup of black coffee poured, and Sebastian settled in gruffly. He lost track of time. Several cups of coffee drank, nervous pacing, and frustrated fingers through his hair in between television reruns. The sun was already setting when there was a light knocking at his door, followed by the squeaky door hinge alerting him.  
  
Joseph's key to his apartment allowed him entrance, as Sebastian glanced over to him from his space upon the couch. Arms crossed, he waited for an explanation.  
  
"You're back."  
  
"Sorry, I was gone a bit longer than expected."  
  
Chestnut gaze analyzed amber from the other side of the room. A beat passed that seemed as poignant as a heartbeat, before Joseph occupied himself with removing his coat and shoes.  
  
"Glad you're all right."  
  
"I hope I didn't worry you."  
  
Sebastian's bare shoulders shrugged. "'Course not."  
  
A curious glance at the shopping bags in hand, as Sebastian nodded his head towards Joseph.  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"A gift. And... I guess an apology."  
  
That had Sebastian's attention, as he flicked the television off, leaning forward before standing. Joseph lugged the rather large bag to be set down upon the coffee table, where he produced a rectangular box from within.  
  
"I should have never doubted Myra," Joseph continued. "I was... well, I suppose I was scared. And speaking irrationally."  
  
It meant more to Sebastian to hear those words than he could truly properly express. So, he merely stared at his younger partner, noticing how watery his eyes looked.  
  
"Water under the bridge," he said. No harm done. He glanced off to the side, tearing his eyes from Joseph's sincere features, before he attempted an apology of his own.  
  
"I'm ... I mean, about last night...  _you know_... me too."  
  
It hadn't come out nearly as eloquently as he would have liked, but as always, the younger man knew precisely what he meant, and accepted him wholeheartedly.  
  
"Yeah, I know," Joseph said, a tug of a smile offered. "It's okay."  
  
They paused, looking over each other, before Joseph held that neatly-boxed gift out with a nudge towards his partner.  
  
"Would you like to open it now?"  
  
Sebastian gave another shrug, attempting to come off as indifferent, but inwardly, he was sincerely curious. "Sure."  
  
Taking the offered box in hand, Sebastian found it to be much heavier than expected. Clearly from a clothing store. Lid lifted, balancing the box against his opposite forearm, Sebastian brushed the tissue paper aside to reveal a familiar shade of tan material.  
  
Sebastian froze.  
  
Words failed him, unable to look up from the item to even properly regard the man beside him.  
  
"Joseph... this is _really_ unnecessary."  
  
His fingertips gently traced the textured material of the trenchcoat from the window display, that they'd observed just yesterday...  
  
"Maybe it is," Joseph said, with a wave of his hands. "And I'm sorry if it's poor timing, I just...I know it's not the same, but that coat was a part of you. I just thought... you might like something else to keep you warm."  
  
A reply formed before he could help himself, overcome with emotion as he regarded his fumbling partner.  
  
"I thought I already had something."  
  
An instant flush to Joseph's cheeks was apparent, as Sebastian smiled at him.  
  
"Seb..." Joseph breathed out his nickname in a way that made him feel unexplainably warm.  
  
"There something I can give you in return?" he asked, voice low and rumbling.  
  
"No, of course not, it's a gift. I'd never expect anything--"  
  
"Not... really what I meant." Another smile, this one of sympathy, as he cut him off.  
  
" _Oh_."  
  
"C'mere."  
  
Gently tugging at Joseph's elbow, Sebastian urged him close, mouth pressed hard to the smaller man's lips, the box quickly discarded. A light noise of enjoyment vibrated against Sebastian's lips, as his wandering hands found the small of Joseph's back. He tasted sweet, even better than the last time he'd kissed him. Joseph was quick to return the favor, lips fervent and breaths quick. He went as far as to bite down on the swell of Sebastian's lower lip, causing him to groan.  
  
He retaliated, hands dipping low to grip Joseph's ass and squeeze a handful of each cheek.  
  
They proceeded in such a way for a few long minutes, hair ruffled, palms roaming, before Sebastian broke their kiss. Staring  into the chestnut depths of Joseph's eyes, he'd never wanted him more.  
  
Another tug, nodding his head towards the hallway, and Sebastian led him to the bedroom with outward, straightforward confidence, but inward insecurity.  
  
No one had occupied his bed, since Myra.  
  
Pushing back any hindering thoughts, realizing naturally what a leap this was for him, Sebastian did his best to maintain an unfazed facade. It wasn't as if he didn't want this, after all... he'd thought about it almost obsessively since their last shared kiss. It was just _different_ , as was all of this.  
  
His unmade bed approached, a light push to Joseph's chest had the other man seated at the edge of the mattress, knees spread. Wasting no time as their mouths met hungrily, his calloused fingertips worked the buttons of Joseph's shirt, moving in close. When the dress attire was fully unbuttoned, Joseph's arms were eased out of the confining fabric, bare arms pale and lightly muscled. Leaving him in a modest undershirt and pants, Sebastian would have none of it, offering light nips of his teeth to the side of Joseph's neck, as he gripped at the bottom hem of the soft shirt material. Taking the hint, suggestive kisses ceasing momentarily, and Joseph raised his arms, as Sebastian effortlessly tugged his undershirt off.  
  
Chest already heaving, Joseph took a moment to pluck his glasses from his nose, and Sebastian relieved him of the precious object, setting them carefully upon the nearby bedside table.  
  
Backside scooting further towards the center of the mattress, Joseph laid back, and Sebastian hovered his weight above him. Roughened fingertips appraising his silken, almost flawless skin, he traced his neck, his smooth pectorals, his soft abdomen...  
  
It was tempting to press his weight fully down, to grind against the other man as they had done during their first intimate night spent together, but Sebastian had other plans this time around.  
  
A devious smirk upon his features as he skillfully worked Joseph's belt, the button of his pants was soon undone, fly unzipped. Joseph was sitting back, leaning on his forearms, watching him as Sebastian pridefully took in every hitched breath of anticipation.  
  
Though Joseph said nothing, the way his front teeth pillowed into his full bottom lip said it all.  
  
Without further ado, Sebastian shoved a hand down the front of Joseph's pants, teasingly stroking the pleasant hardness of Joseph's dick. Joseph moaned, raising a hand to clamp over his mouth, as if he were embarrassed by such loudness from the simple touch. Sebastian didn't mind one bit.  
  
Another gentle stroke, hand reaching a bit further to graze his slick tip, and Joseph's features were scrunched in ecstacy.  
  
"You want more?"  
  
"God, _please_."  
  
Fingertips curling at the sides of Joseph's pants, as well as his briefs, he tugged them down enough to reveal the younger man's straining manhood. Joseph was downright dripping, chin tilted upwards even as he was freed from his rather form-fitting underwear.  
  
Still hovering above him, a hand reached low as Sebastian shamelessly gripped his partner's obvious arousal, applying a firm pressure and a thrusting motion. Base to tip, thumb stroking that moist slit. He may not be an expert at fucking in such bold new territory, but he knew his way around his own cock, and could only assume Joseph enjoyed the same.  
  
Pants bunched up, Joseph squirmed and strained, cried out and struggled for breath as Sebastian proceeded to jerk him off. His hot fluids were slick and sticky all over his hand.  
  
Releasing his own guttural growl of approval, Sebastian simply admired the sight. He loved how the younger man looked... pants down to his knees,  and clutching at the sheets for dear life. Unable to help himself, Sebastian released him from his grip, lowering his bottom half, still clothed in his sleep pants, upon the other mans hips. He practically came himself as Joseph was instantly raising his hips, thrusting desperately and using Sebastian as friction.  
  
Joseph gripped him, blunt-cut fingertips digging into his bare shoulder blades as he clung, sounding dangerously close to cumming.  
  
"Seb," he exhaled breathlessly, " _God damn_ , I want you."  
  
"Oh, yeah?"  
  
It was good enough to curse, apparently. Another idea forming, Sebastian scooted back on his knees, so that his face hovered above Joseph's hips. A quick bobbing motion, nose barely nudging him, when Joseph prevented him from going any further.  
  
"N-no..." Joseph gasped, cupping Sebastian's chin to cease his descent. "I won't be able to... _you know_."  
  
_Last_. Sebastian knew that tone all too well. He was close.  
  
"Tell me what you want," a growl at the back of his throat, letting him know he'd do _anything_.  
  
Features remarkably pink, Joseph hesitated a few long moments before shamelessly rolling onto his front, pert ass wiggling as he repositioned himself.  
  
Well, _fuck._  
  
He felt damn-right ready to blow, himself. Mesmerized by his full ass for a few long moments, Sebastian snapped himself out of it enough to speak.  
  
"You really want me to...?"  
  
"Yeah, if that's... all right?"  
  
_"Fuck yeah."_  
  
At that, Joseph actually chuckled.  
  
Sebastian, although new to bedding someone who wasn't of the fairer sex, had watched enough pay-per-view channels out of curiosity, and had done a fair amount of reading when it came to attempting to get Myra to try some new bedroom feats. She'd denied him any backdoor play, which he'd naturally understood, and accepted whatever she wished wholeheartedly. Though, it wasn't for lack of trying.  
  
The bed creaking as he moved on his knees to scoot closer towards the bedside stand, he swiftly opened the top drawer, and found that familiar, trusty tube. Seeing a package of condoms there, he opted it would be best to be sure what Joseph wanted.  
  
"Should I...  well, you know." He held one of the square packets up for display, between his index and middle fingers.  
  
"We should be fine," Joseph uttered, shifting slightly as he glanced over at him. It made sense. He'd only ever been with Myra, both clean, and with Joseph's health-conscious ways, he knew that he'd always played it safe. In a way, he was flattered that he trusted him enough to go without.  
  
Sebastian was wracked by a brief moment of insecurity, biting back any urge to express that this was, indeed, his first time doing such a thing.  
  
But how hard could it really be?  
  
He looked down at his lap, sleep pants gone remarkably tight.  
  
Pretty hard, apparently.  
  
Sebastian easily slipped out of his lounge pants, now entirely naked, it having been the only clothing item he'd donned since he'd woken up. He didn't need to look at Joseph to feel his lust-laden gaze upon him.  
  
Returning to his prone partner, Sebastian eagerly tugged Joseph's pants and briefs down the remainder of the way, to be discarded on the bedroom floor. The other man fully bare save for his socks, Sebastian knelt between his spread legs. He inhaled shakily, a gracious amount of lube squeezed onto his finger.  
  
Gently spreading those awaiting cheeks, Sebastian slowly dragged a fingertip down that intensely sensitive crevice, as Joseph shivered, and then trailed back up again. If Joseph were able to see his face from where he was pressed against the pillows, he'd know that he was grinning.  
  
After a few long moments of teasing Joseph, that cool gel evenly spread against his warm backside, Joseph bent a knee slightly, socked foot raised in an impatient squirm.  
  
"You... okay back there?" He sensed nervous eagerness in Joseph's voice, very clearly wanting it.  
  
"Shut up," he teased gruffly, a palm coming down hard against his ass cheek. Sebastian was thoroughly satisfied by the way his rounded backside gave a pleasant jiggle upon impact. Joseph gasped at the unexpected spank, and sure enough, seconds later, a bright pink handprint took shape upon his pale skin.  
  
"Owh, _Seb!_ "  Sebastian got the distinctive feeling that he liked it, but he courteously rubbed that sting away, anyhow. It was tempting to give him another slap, but he was feeling rather impatient, himself.  
  
Knees spread, Sebastian took himself in hand, already preemptively dripping as his head grazed Joseph's blushing cheek. Positioning at his opening, he gave a push, his tip poking smoothly inside of him. Joseph's pleasured cry was muffled against the mattress.  
  
Pausing, practically shaking, Sebastian prompted. "More?"  
  
"Y- _yeah_..."  
  
Another tilt of his hips, and he was halfway in, gliding with a few agonizingly steady thrusts, before he slid all the way, surprisingly effortlessly. Joseph clutched at the sheets, the material bunching, voice lilting with notes he couldn't have even imagined.  
  
Tightness pleasant around his shaft as Joseph clenched around him, Sebastian gripped his hips, fingers digging into his soft flesh as he took it slow. A gradual push as he thrust deeply, hips pressed all the way to Joseph's ass, before he pulled back, watching with fascination as Joseph took him with each maneuver.  
  
Their pace remained slow, for a time, before Sebastian could feel a familiar tingling, body wracked with a telltale flutter that started somewhere in his belly.  
  
Hips moving more frantically, Sebastian thrust harder, more quickly. All the while, Joseph may as well have wailed out his enjoyment, light whimpers and throaty utterances of Sebastian's name, coupled with gasping breaths and polite curses.  
  
Joseph clung to those sheets, back arched, white-knuckled, crying out for more... and Sebastian gave it to him with all of his might, body tense and abdominal muscles tight, perspiration glistening upon his muscled frame.

  
  
He was about to reach around and stroke him a bit more, but Joseph made a noise that was distinctively close to letting go. A slight change in friction, feeling more tight as Sebastian gave another hard thrust, and he knew Joseph must be ready to cum. Impressive, really.  
  
"You feel ready to blow," he teased, with a one-handed grip of Joseph's hip, while his other delivered another playful slap to the side of his butt.  
  
" _Oh!_ Just... a little more! _God_ , Seb!"  
  
Their heady rhythm increased, as Sebastian rammed up against him, utterly determined. It didn't take long for Joseph's voice to melodically rise, his release sounding incredible as he panted and groaned, heaved and whimpered out Sebastian's name as his body tightened, trembling beneath him.  
  
The sound of Joseph cumming was more than enough to inspire him. Sebastian managed to maintain his composure for a few seconds longer, one final, intensely deep thrust sending him powerfully over the edge, frame wracked by tremors as he curled forward, large palms holding onto the sides of Joseph's hips for dear life.  
  
"Oh, _shit_! _Fuck_ , Joseph! Fuck!"  
  
He spilled hotly inside of him, one of the most intense orgasms he could recall as he shuddered and groaned, eyes screwed shut against the pleasured quaking that fired through his every nerve. Of course, it had been a while, but Joseph's heated tightness around him certainly helped. Both of them utterly relaxed in the aftermath, the mess they'd made put at the back of their minds, Sebastian pulsated inside of him for a few long, enjoyable moments. When he willed himself to gently ease himself out, still throbbing, Sebastian flopped down beside his immobilized partner, their harsh breaths filling the peaceful silence of the apartment.  
  
Oddly enough, the first thing that came to mind, once Sebastian maintained some composure, was a joking remark:  
  
"Thank god the neighbors moved out," he deadpanned.  
  
"Lucky them," Joseph played along, words still quieted, even as he glanced at Sebastian from where his cheek lay against the pillow.  
  
With a sluggish drag of his exhausted body towards him, Joseph turned onto his side with a satisfied little sigh, accented by a light moan. Sebastian helped out by moving a bit closer, their foreheads touching as he wrapped an arm around the other man.  
  
"Seb..." Joseph said, flushed features smiling sincerely, albeit tiredly, "thank you."  
  
Sebastian brushed Joseph's disheveled, dampened hair from his eyes. "Hey, don't mention it."  
  
It wasn't as if he hadn't enjoyed it too. Fucking hell... but, he'd never been the best with words. Instead, he merely enjoyed the warmth of the other man, as Joseph nuzzled a bit closer, head tucked beneath Sebastian's chin.  
  
Hand lowering to give Joseph's slick backside a couple of light pats, he found it strange how comfortable this felt. After Myra... well, he couldn't have ever imagined someone else occupying that reverent place beside him. Empty for months. Until now...  
  
Part of him wondered what she'd think.  
  
For now, though, the lull of sleep made eyelids heavy, as breaths leveled back out, pounding heartbeats calming. Joseph was fast asleep, the last thing Sebastian remembering was a kiss planted to his partner's perspiring forehead, before blissful rest claimed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chap 14 will be the last chapter, as far as I have planned, with the exception of an epilogue. We're so close to the end, folks! 
> 
> As always, your constant support, kind words, and reviews mean the world to me, so feedback is always so very greatly appreciated!


	14. Uncovered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian ends up back where their nightmarish journey began, hoping to find answers, but he discovers something far more important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, it's been a long journey... but here it is, everyone. The final chapter! 
> 
> I wish I could thank everyone individually for all of the support along the way, but hopefully you know who you are ♥ to everyone who's reached out, sent kudos, left reviews, inspired me, and hell, even became a friend in this obscure little fandom... thank you, from the bottom of my heart. ♥
> 
> Special shoutouts to DetectiveJosephOda, Chan, Debbie (who provided the GORGEOUS artwork for this chapter), my fandom kids, and all of the lovely artists who have worked with me on this. 
> 
> Thanks for keeping me going, I love you all. 
> 
> Without further ado, here it is!

_"Sebastian... please, help us."_  
  
She came to him, precisely as he'd committed to memory. Her startlingly clear blue eyes, her balsam scent, the pallid pigmentation of her skin. She tucked loose blonde locks behind her ear, revealing her favorite pearl earrings.  
  
"Myra?"  
  
Sebastian went to her, wishing to hold her close, feel her warmth, which he'd gone so long without, when he paused. Heartbeat seeming to cease in his chest, another much smaller figure took shape.  
  
When she moved aside, the face of his little girl was staring up at him, her favorite fox plush, a gift from Uncle Joseph, clutched tightly to her chest.  
  
"Lily, _god_..." The words were barely choked out, emotion strangled in his throat, hot tears welling in his eyes. "I miss you so much."  
  
Her voice was innocent, just as he'd remembered, bouncing curls in her hair as her round, hazel eyes focused entirely on him. She was beautiful in every way...  
  
_"Save us, daddy."_  
  
He reached for her, for both of him... his beloved wife and child, but when he held his arms out, their figures dissipated, leaving nothing but a puddle of blood in their wake.  
  
Dropping to his knees, Sebastian screamed in agony.  
  
He was upright in an instant, body drenched in an unnerving cold sweat as he struggled to breathe. Fingers found his dampened hair, running through as he curled in on himself, nose to his knees.  
  
_Another fucking nightmare._  
  
 In the dim lighting of his bedroom, he glanced over at Joseph, who was miraculously still fast asleep. Curled onto his side, shoulders rising slightly each time he evenly breathed. At least he hadn't yelled and woken him up. The younger man certainly needed his rest, and he wasn't about to disturb him, intentionally or not.    
  
Like emotional whiplash, images of last night swam into his consciousness. Skin on skin... a passionate coupling that hardly felt real. There was a heat in his face, and a strange pang of guilt as he observed his sleeping partner.  
  
It was almost more than he could handle at the moment, crawling out of bed in an instant.  
  
More assured than ever, Sebastian knew precisely what had to be done. He'd hesitated long enough.  
  
His bare feet carrying him out of the bedroom and to the bathroom, Sebastian opted for tugging on clothes that had been left discarded on the tiled floor, so as not to rummage through his closet and potentially wake up Joseph. A v-neck tee and jeans donned, Sebastian regarded himself in that bathroom mirror. His clean-shaven face may have taken a few years off, but the dark circles beneath his eyes, and the creases that lined his face from stress and age seemed a cruel contrast.  
  
In a word, he looked haunted.    
  
He grabbed some dirty socks, and soon his shoes were on, keys jangling as they were taken from the kitchen table. His palm found the doorknob to the front door.  
  
Sebastian paused, the metal knob only half-turned, looking over at the gift box upon the cofee table that contained his brand new trench coat. Before he could change his mind, a few steady strides led him to it, retrieving the tan material from its resting place. Tags swiftly removed, he slid it on with a shrug of his broad shoulders.  
  
Unsurprisingly, given Joseph's eye for detail, it fit like a glove.  
  
A flourish of that long coat behind him, Sebastian was on his way, door locked and down the outdoor stairs of the apartment complex. It smelled like rain, light beads pattering as he walked the short distance to his blood-red Ford.  
  
Key in the ignition, by the time he was off down the street, it was a downpour. Windshield wipers working at full force, screeching against the glass, his windows were downright spattered. It reminded him eerily of that day...  
  
The day they'd all been taken.  
  
Night-time scenery accented by dim street lights, the streets slick with water, he passed the lake near where Connelly was buried. In a way, it hadn't hit him that he was really gone, thoughts too consumed by everything else around them. A sort of numbess that had taken over. Almost a refusal to acknowledge.  
  
It had always been his tactic, the only difference being that he didn't have work to consume himself in. Lately, Sebastian had far more time alone with his thoughts, and he simply didn't like it.  
  
Heading towards the other end of Krimson, a series of images and recent memories flooded Sebastian's mind, both hands clutching the steering wheel tightly. Joseph pale and sickly in the hospital, Connelly's morbid funeral, Kidman's strange disappearance, the break-in at Joseph's apartment, the unnerving FBI agent, the crime scene they'd witnessed...  
  
It all had to add up, somehow.  
  
Back at Beacon, he only prayed he'd find answers.  
  
Krimson's silhouette in the distance, skyscrapers rising up from the rural scenery, Sebastian went 10 miles over the legal speed until he reached the city limits.  
  
A familiar drive, even at such an early hour, the concrete buildings were lit up with a yellow glow, a few cars occasionally passing him. Endless nights like these had been spent roaming around, Joseph in the passenger's seat. When they weren't on a case, it was the nocturnal hours that they preferred to grab a bite to eat at their favorite diner... when all was quiet, and the two could either sit in companionable silence and rumination, or have a good laugh after a hectic day. Sebastian felt, at times, that he couldn't possibly share anything more with the other man, his best friend of eight years.  
  
Recent nights had proved that entirely long.  
  
Sebastian honestly wondered if things would ever be back to how they were... back on the force, eating breakfast at a diner at 5am with no one else around but the waittress. If it would be strange, now, or somehow more natural.  
  
In the distance, Beacon Mental Hospital rose up from the shadows like a silent, sturdy beast. Getting closer, as that rain absolutely poured from the sky with rage, Sebastian parked across the street, so as not to attract attention. His Ford was obviously known by KCPD, and he'd technically been banned from the premises until further investigation.  
  
Exiting his vehicle, Sebastian crossed the street, tugging at the lapels of his coat to adjust it. The wrought-iron fence that blocked in the monster was easily pushed open as he reached out a palm. He raised an eyebrow, expecting a climb over the walls to be required. It was a bit strange that the scene of a multiple-homicide was left to the public...  
  
Bright yellow caution tape plastered everywhere, it seemed as if most of the clean-up had been done, the multiple police cars and ambulances cleared out since his disorienting exit from the hospital. A single guard car was parked near to the entrance. At this hour, though, they may not even be around. Typically, it was a precaution to scare curious teenagers away.  
  
Easily ducking beneath the tape, Sebastian passed the circular garden, glancing upwards at the artistic metal sculpture of the Beacon Lighthouse at its center. It gleamed even in the nearly-null lighting. A deceptive symbol of hope, which was more like a siren's call, taunting the ill and downtrodden to an early grave.  
  
By the time he'd reached the front steps, and the entrance to the facility, Sebastian was drenched. But with his blood boiling, adrenaline keeping his heavy heart pounding, the springtime chill couldn't possibly penetrate.  
  
Those steps feeling like death row, Sebastian soon arrived before those large, wooden double-doors. He slipped inside, remembering how Joseph and Kidman had backed him up in that dream-like nightmare. The facility was likely unlocked for the night guard patrolling. At least if he got caught, he had the excuse of his badge.  
  
The smell hit him first... like death and decay, an unnerving sense of deja-vu washing over him. The bodies may have been gone, but the stench of lacerated flesh and exposed viscera lingered. No amount of cleaning or bleach could fully rid that scent, nor could it fully dispose of the various bloodstains that still spattered the tiled floor of the reception area. Thankfully, Sebastian was used to it by now.  
  
His footsteps carried loudly across the room, coming to observe the empty reception desk as he'd done the first time. The room was illuminated only by a desk light displayed. A collection of papers, a flashlight, lunch box, and a closed laptop was laid out, from whomever was guarding. On top of the files, Sebastian caught a glimpse of the list of deceased. It was long... surely including Connelly's name upon it.  
  
But, that wasn't what he'd come for.  
  
Sebastian remembered the way to the basement all too easily... as he had not only been there physically, but tread the same path in his dreams many times since his escape.  
  
Long hallway tread, almost pitch-black, and elevator taken, amber eyes closed as horrific images were recalled.  
  
_Falling to his death, claws reaching out and grabbing him, pressing into his skin... and a hideous screech piercing his eardrums._

When he opened his eyes again, the elevator dinging to a stop, he was in the underbelly of the hospital, a place tucked away from the rest of the world in honor of heinous science. When it growled hungrily, it was fed, blood spilled and sacrifice given.  
  
As Sebastian would say, as he shook his head grimly, this place was "fucked up beyond belief."  
  
The room was lacking light now, but the bathtubs that they'd all been laid in, hooked up somewhere in their brains, were still intact. Sebastian didn't wish to linger. He'd seen enough. There had to be something else, but as he turned to glance down the nearest hallway, something bright caught his eye at the room's center. Where Ruvik's brain once was, was a ghostly figure. Almost motionless. Sebastian shook his head, rubbed his eyes and the raindrops from his exhausted features to be sure he wasn't hallucinating again.  
  
The colorless features of a boy, with broken teeth and messy ivory hair, were focused entirely on him.  
Sebastian honestly couldn't believe the ghost-like vision before him, those pale blue eyes filling him with a mixture of emotions, including fondness, dread and icy regret.  
  
"Leslie...?"  
  
Saying nothing, the boy he couldn't save began walking, and Sebastian followed, heart threatening to beat right out of his chest.  
  
"Leslie, _wait!_ "  
  
He'd seen him once before, since his exit from Beacon... but he'd attributed it to some sort of side-effect after being put under.  
  
A hidden door that he hadn't noticed before, at the far end of the room was opened by him, leading to another hallway filled with what appeared to be laboratory areas. Leslie continued walking, his bare feet padding but also seemingly floating, and Sebastian jogged behind him to keep up with his quicker, more youthful steps. It was strange... there was no limp to his gait, no frantic or frightened movements. He walked with a sort of casual grace and confidence that he hadn't recalled seeing prior.  
  
The implications of such a thing, after watching Leslie perish before his eyes, was something Sebastian simply didn't want to consider in the current moment.  
  
Yet another door was opened by the boy, pale features glancing over his shoulder to be sure that Sebastian was following... but when Sebastian entered, questions lingering on his tongue, he was nowhere in sight.  
  
_Disappeared into thin air._  
  
 His trembling fingertips quickly found a lightswitch, the tiny room illuminated.  
  
It was an ordinary lab, like a personal office. A computer and files set upon a desk in the corner, and sterile, metallic tables full of microscopes, beakers and various instruments. In the corner was a lab coat hanging on a rack.  
  
Sebastian toyed with a few of the items as he stepped further inside, including a sealed jar of green gel that was uncomfortably familiar. He grimaced as he picked it up, holding it up to the light, before quickly setting it back down again.  
  
He was about to open some of the cabinets upon the wall, when something crunched audibly beneath his shoe. Expecting it to be glass, or some other discarded medical item, Sebastian lifted his foot and glanced downwards.  
  
It took him a moment for realization to set in, but when it did, his blood was frozen like ice in his veins.  
  
Kneeling down, Sebastian plucked up the remnants of a gold and pearl earring... exactly the same beloved ones that Myra wore.  
  
_No._  
  
_She'd been here..._  
  
But for how long? Was she dead, alive?  
  
Stomach churning with nausea, thoughts pounding in his brain along with his racing heart, Sebastian quickly stood, a head rush ensuing, as he turned to regard the name tag on the discarded lab coat. Emblazoned with the same logo that had been threateningly left in Joseph's aquarium, Sebastian shook his head, eyes wide with revelation as a familiar face stared back at him from the plastic-protected badge. The words didn't seem to make sense as he read them, lips moving silently.  
  
**_Mobius Agent_**  
**_Dir. Myra Hanson_**  
  
A swell of emotions building up that he didn't know how to comprehend, Sebastian snatched the pinned badge from the uniform, and stared at it, mouth agape, for a few long moments before pocketing it along with the broken jewelry piece. He didn't understand. Couldn't fathom how...?  
  
More questions were rising than were being answered. There had to be more. An explanation... something to save him from the tirade of discomfort that was practically drowning him. He may as well be back in that bathtub, hooked up... _left there._  
  
As Sebastian practically stumbled out of the abandoned lab, another figure, this time far more familiar, made his heart sink further as the sternness of their voice met his ears in that otherwise dead silence.  
  
"Somehow, I knew I'd find you here."  
  
Stopped dead in his tracks, Sebastian regarded his partner, almost emotionless, for a few long moments.  
  
" _Joseph_... you shouldn't have come here," he said, gruff voice almost scolding. Little did Joseph know, the disapproval in his tone was aimed at himself. Certainly not at the other man...  
  
Joseph looked perhaps the most disappointed he'd ever seen him.  
  
"And you should have?" Joseph was shaking his head, looking meager in his peacoat and scarf to fend off the cold. "Not only is it entirely illegal, but _seriously_... why are you doing this?"  
  
It was simple. To him, at least. "I'm so close to finding answers..."  
  
"Do you really want to know them, Seb?"  
  
"You don't understand."  
  
"Right, because how could I?" With a scoff, Joseph was moving closer, and a strange ringing noise like static resounded throughout the room. Almost inside his head. Sebastian heard it, but Joseph was left holding a gloved hand to his temple, head tilted forward to glance at the ground as he groaned. Every muscle in Sebastian's body seemed to pull tight, a warning sign that was easily recalled.  
  
No, it couldn't be happening again... _not here._  
  
It was this place.  
  
"Joseph, we need to get out of here--"  
  
"No!" When Joseph looked up again, a crimson stream was pooling from his right nostril. He didn't bother wiping it away, as it dribbled over the fullness of his pale lips, trailing down his chin and eventually dripping onto his scarf and staining it red. "You came here... and now I want you to listen."  
  
Sebastian said nothing, merely watched in horror as Joseph continued to bleed, clearly struggling as his heavy words were spoken through clenched teeth.  
  
"You need to stop hurting yourself. Hurting _us_. No amount of searching can bring them back, Sebastian. I won't stand by idly and watch you go down this path."  
  
"Joseph, I--"  
  
"Not as your partner, not as your friend, and certainly not as your lover."  
  
"After this... after all of _this_." Joseph turned to gesture to the bath tubs behind them. "You know what? I value my life. Everyday I'm still here... I'm thankful for it, even if I'm scared out of my mind. I just... I wish you'd value yours. Because it still means something. At least to me."  
  
Sebastian found himself unable to look away, stunned into speechlessness by the sincerity and strength behind Joseph's words. He was clearly suffering, and that was precisely what he'd been afraid of... but he was facing his worst fears dead-on, just to come looking for him.  
  
He couldn't help but wonder if Myra would have done the same...  
  
Joseph began to cough, brown glove to his chest as his opposite rested on a knee, doubled over. Sebastian crossed the distance between them to take hold of his shoulders, keeping him upright and staring down at Joseph's bloodied features.  
  
"Do you... remember the balloons?" Joseph asked weakly, as Sebastian clung to him. His chestnut eyes were dilated, glazed over with pain. "At Connelly's funeral?"  
  
"Of course," Sebastian choked on a reply, his chest straining at seeing his partner in such a bad state.  
  
_The man he loved. Had_ always _loved... in his own way._  
  
"Sometimes," Joseph managed softly, and he rasped out a painful-sounding breath. "You have to let them go."  
  
Those words hung poignantly in the stagnant air between them. A cruel backdrop, bathtubs and bloodstains, in a place they should have never returned to.  
  
_Back at the start._  
  
But this was a new beginning.  
  
"All right," Sebastian settled with a solemn nod. "But I'm not letting you go, Joseph. Not yet..."  
  
It may have been Sebastian's dogged nature in pursuit of the truth, but it was also this place... _Beacon_. A hellhole among the living, and a disgrace to science, to medicine... to society. It was hurting Joseph, and he wasn't about to stand by and let him kill himself over this.  
  
Nothing... absolutely _nothing_ in the world was worth his partner's life.  
  
An arm slipped beneath Joseph's underarm, easy support while Joseph wobbled unsteadily.  
  
"Hold onto me."  
  
"What are you doing?" Joseph questioned, even though he obeyed, an arm slung around Sebastian's neck, weight leaned into him.  Sebastian crouched, his opposite elbow behind Joseph's knees, easily lifting the slighter man.  
  
"Getting you out of here... like I should have done the first time."  
  
Limp in his arms, Joseph said nothing. Merely settled against him, withheld coughs wracking his body. Joseph's forehead against Sebastian's cheek, the older detective effortlessly carried him across the room. Reaching out a finger to press the elevator call button, the doors soon opened.  
  
Joseph's eyes were closed as they stepped inside, so it was only Sebastian who saw the ominous ghost at the center of the room, staring at them lifelessly as the doors closed once again, and they took their leave. The last thing that colorless boy would see, was Sebastian's amber eyes staring right back, burning like fire.  
  
The elevator took them back upstairs, where Sebastian carefully crossed down the hallway, through the reception area and back towards those cage-like double-doors.  
  
"Hang in there, partner," Sebastian soothed, clutching him protectively as his fingertips gave a reassuring squeeze against his legs. "Almost there."  
  
A palm laid out flat, he pressed upon the wooden door even as he supported Joseph. A kick of a shoe opened it further, taking the two of them back to safety... outside, in the awaiting, real world.  
  
_Where they belonged._  
  
Pausing before the stairs that would lead them back into the courtyard, Sebastian regarded Joseph, who opened his eyes briefly to look at him from behind those crooked wayfarers. Sebastian nudged his forehead against his partner's, garnering a brief, albeit tired smile from him.  
  
"Let's say we get out of here... and get you to the hospital."  
  
_Together_ , this time around.  
  
The early morning sunrays fighting their way valiantly through those persistent rainclouds, downpour ceasing, Sebastian carried Joseph down those Beacon steps for the last time... partners, in every sense of the word.  
  
                                                                                                                                    _Finis._  
  
  
  
  


_ _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End credit music (because I'm a nerd like that)  
> Uncover - Zara Larsson  
> The Enemy - Andrew Belle  
> I'm in Here - Sia 
> 
> Don't worry... I'll write a tiny epilogue. ♥ Gotta add some fluff to leave you all with. 
> 
> Thank you, sincerely, to all of my readers, new and old :') It's been an absolute pleasure. 
> 
> Don't forget to visit the lovely Deb's artwork page and go send her some love! http://debbiecolon.tumblr.com/
> 
> As always, I love hearing from you, so reviews are always so very greatly appreciated!


	15. Epilogue - Unbroken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back where they started at Krimson Hospital, Seb and Joseph speak of their future ♥

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised I wouldn't leave you all on an angsty note :)
> 
> Special thanks to: Chan, Annie, Deb, Han, Meiri, Jay and Alec, Billy, Doll, Eliza, Khanartist, Fuge, Akashaflipsdesk, Squallina, Juonart, Dragons and Merkitty, Neonappledarko, Lostlegendaerie, Adrilari, cliffsedgex, thegreatleapingocelots, AmazingMyra76, FelidaeRavage, piyoufo, olliemiku, Kasumeta, Nightfury, barsik20, Kinder and Nancy, normalisnotawordinmyvocabulary , uumii, breezysketch, dat_skating_cosplayer. 
> 
> This one's for you! ♥

The Emergency Room of Krimson General was relatively busy for such an ungodly hour, but thankfully, the familiar faces of two detectives featured on the news had its benefits.  
  
Rushed to a curtained-off room ahead of several other patients, Sebastian protectively stayed with Joseph the entire time. Removed his jacket, helped him onto the bed. Answered questions, deflected others, and made sure that his partner tilted his head forward and stop the bleeding from his nose.  
  
He cautioned the attending nurses against any more IVs, as the man was still bruised. Instead, the ailing detective received a hefty shot of painkiller in the rear end, much to Joseph's dismay as Sebastian held onto him to distract from the lengthy needle. But, despite the brief trauma and embarrassment of the injection, Joseph seemed all the better for it. His gushing nosebleed was under control, as was the pain of his migraine.  
  
Sebastian had only excused himself when the doctors wanted to perform a few exams, occupying himself with wandering around the nearby waiting area. A few visitors seemed annoyed by his pacing, and he returned the favor with a glare. They had no idea what they'd been through, and he didn't have time for their shit.    
  
He was called back in once they'd finished running tests. When Sebastian returned, the curtain pulled aside before he drew it behind him, he took in the sight of his weary partner.  
  
Joseph, although more pallid than usual, looked rather cozy with the covers pulled up to his hips, head resting against the pillow. He'd received careful treatment, the nurses heating a couple of blankets for him to fend off the springtime chill. The only hint of color in his partner's face was the lingering stain of blood beneath his nose and above his upper lip.  
  
Hell, he actually seemed relaxed. Thank God for modern medication.  
  
"Hey," Sebastian greeted softly, and Joseph gave a little wave, along with the clip on his finger that measured his vitals.  
  
"Hey."  
  
Sebastian gave a chuckle as he crossed the short distance over to Joseph's bed. "You look high as fuck. Feelin' good?"  
  
One hand upon the handle of the bed as he leaned, his opposite palm rested over Joseph's smaller one, feeling the contrast of his clammy skin against his warmth.  
  
"Yeah," Joseph sighed. "That medicine really helped."  
  
Sebastian gently patted his hand. "We'll have to get you some of that."  
  
"Morphine?" Joseph's brow knitted, though his eyes were glazed over. "Pretty sure that's illegal."  
  
"No more illegal than that great ass of yours. I think the nurses agree."  
  
" _Seb_." A brief flush of color rose to those colorless cheeks, gaze dropping low. "You weren't supposed to be looking."  
  
"Didn't need to," Sebastian teased, as Joseph gave another weak wave of his hand, as if to drive him away. No chance, there. Sebastian was here for the long-haul. "Hey, I brought you somethin'."  
  
Joseph's attention once again piqued, Sebastian pulled open the side of his trench coat to reveal a sunflower that had been hidden underneath.  
  
"Where did you get that?" the younger man asked, though his tone was far from judgmental.  
  
"I thought you mentioned flowers for the next time around. No more balloons, right? They only take up space."  
  
In all honesty, he'd nicked one from the receptionist desk. But, he didn't need to know that. Smiling as he offered that stem, Joseph took it within his hands, holding it delicately and twirling it around a bit.  
  
"Hey... thanks. It's beautiful."  
  
"No problem." Sebastian settled for sitting at the edge of the bed, unsure how to go about what he wanted to express. It had been a long night... _hell_ , a long week, but only in his heart did he know what he wanted to say. He was damned tired, they both were, his thoughts pattering like rainfall.  
  
"Hey, um..." he started, gaze falling towards the linoleum floor for a few moments as he collected his thoughts. "There's something I wanna talk to you about." When Joseph frowned, Sebastian was patting his partner's knee reassuringly. "Don't worry, it's not about tonight..."

He seemed instantly relieved by that, swearing that the monitors gave a little hitch of a beep.  
  
"Go ahead."  
  
Sitting patiently, though he didn't have much of a choice in the matter anyway, Joseph waited. Sebastian scratched idly at the 5:00 shadow returning upon his jawline.  
  
"I'd like... I mean..." He fumbled, clearing his throat. "I think you should move in with me."  
  
Silence permeated, the beeping monitors seeming unbearably loud. Sebastian briefly wondered what it was about seeing his partner in a hospital bed that got him to broach the serious subjects... first Myra's proposal, and now the daunting offer of living with Joseph. The other man was silent, seeming to be in a state of mild shock as that flower was placed upon his lap.  
  
"You know, just until things settle down," Sebastian clarified.  
  
"Sebastian... that's... a pretty big deal..."  
  
"--listen, I know it's all kind of sudden, but--"  
  
"...and I wouldn't like anything more."  
  
Their eyes met, chestnut and amber, and Sebastian couldn't help the smile spreading across his features, lighting him up like he'd never heard anything sweeter.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah, of course." A light chuckle escaped Joseph before his expression grew serious, brow lines returning as he blinked a few times. "We'll have to bring the fish, naturally."  
  
Sebastian raised his hand solemnly to his chest. "Star treatment in moving, I promise."  
  
"And I have a lot of clothes..."  
  
"You can have the spare closet."

"... and I like my furniture more than yours."

Sebastian feigned a wince. " _Ouch_. You mean you don't like my hand-me-down couch?"

"Not really my decorating style."

"Fair enough," Sebastian smirked. "Interior decorating is in your hands."  
  
Joseph seemed to give it another moment's thought, before he settled further back against his pillows, looking rather pleased, and if he could say it, fucking exhausted.  
  
"Then I suppose we're underway."  
  
Sebastian leaned further in, calloused fingers brushing through Joseph's unkempt hair.  
  
"You look tired. Should probably get some rest while those drugs are in your system."  
  
Eyes already half-lidded, Joseph might have looked remarkably vulnerable to some, but Sebastian had never known a stronger man.  
  
"Will you stay?" he asked gently, quietly.  
  
"Scoot over." As Joseph carefully maneuvered towards one side of the hospital bed, mindful of the cords attached, Sebastian laid beside him. An arm wrapped around Joseph's shoulders, allowing his head to rest against Sebastian's chest.

"You know you don't have to ask." They shared a brief kiss, Sebastian enjoying those soft lips, and it looked like Joseph was already fighting off the lull of sleep. "See ya when you wake up."  
  
"Bright and early?"  
  
Sebastian gave his slight shoulders a little squeeze, lips pressed to Joseph's forehead at those familiar words, reminiscent of better times. "I was thinking more, not so bright. And... late afternoon, if we're lucky."  
  
"Sounds good."  
  
As Joseph drifted off in blissful, drug-induced slumber, Sebastian held him tightly.  
  
Flowers wilted... balloons blew away in the wind, and one could never be quite sure when life would take something extremely valuable away from you. What mattered was safety, comfort... and appreciating the good things you had left, despite all the hardships.  
  
It would be difficult to come to terms with, but all of those things, he had no doubt, would be found wherever his partner was.  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been such a journey for me... and I'll never be able to express just how much writing this fic has kept me going, allowed me to find inner-strength through rough waters, and most of all, how much I adore the beautiful people it's brought into my life. You're all wonderful. It's been an honor. 
> 
> Thank you all, for everything, from the bottom of this little fangirl's heart ♥♥♥


End file.
